Pregnancy after Infertility: Motto

(Thanks for the feedback yesterday :) My in-law's are generally very nice and we get along pretty well, but I am learning as I "grow up" that I definitely have some differences from them, and the biggest thing I do not appreciate is their being passive aggressive about many things. I guess it is just something I need to accept and start figuring out how I can relate the best possible way!)

Yesterday, I received a new issue of one of my favorite magazines. In one of the first ad pages, there is a two-page spread for a car whose brand has been through the ringer. And while I don't care so much about the car or the revitalization of the brand, the whole first page's bold all-caps words struck me in a big way:

"WHEN YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH HELL,
YOU TEND TO APPRECIATE HEAVEN."

And that, my friends, is the pregnancy (and parenting!) after infertility (PAI) motto.

Sure, other (fertile) people enjoy heaven (pregnancy), too. But they don't know what hell is like. They have not grovelled and cried until they have no more tears and despaired at their seemingly lifelong sentence of sadness. They have not seen all their friends go cruising up to heaven while they are confined in loneliness. They just decide one day, hey, I'd like to go to heaven, and on up they go. And when they get there and there is one less rainbow than they expected, they get all frustrated and take it up with the management.

But not infertiles who are blessed with a baby. From the moment you start to leave hell, you are all of a sudden scared. You have gotten used to hell: you have steeled yourself against disappointment, you have learned to expect the worst, and you have lost all hope except for the tiny seed of it that continues to somehow hold on in your heart. As you start towards heaven, you look back at all the friends you've made there, friends who understand what it's like to melt into a pool of tears and friends who have lent their shoulder for you to lean on when it takes too much to stand. You totally wish you could grab them all up in your arms and bring them with you, as you don't want them to suffer anymore either.

You get to heaven, and it is unimaginable. You had always dreamed of heaven, and now that you are there, you can hardly believe it. You pray constantly that you will be able to stay in heaven, because while you were at first scared to leave hell, now you are scared to return there. You see all the beauty, all the awesome things there, and because you spent so much time in the muck, these things are just amazingly healing for your soul. But you notice that some people in heaven think the rainbows should be brighter, the clouds should be cushier, and the flowers more plentiful. You can't understand how they could possibly complain about heaven, and because of that, you can never quite bond with them like they seem to bond with each other. Each day in heaven is so precious to you, and you can never stop being thankful, so grateful for the opportunity to appreciate this beautiful place in such a deep way.

To my friends who are still in hell, know that I am praying for you and longing for you to join me (HUG)