Another Snowy Wknd

We got more snow yesterday! I think probably 7" or so. I just love our neighborhood under a blanket of snow- it is such a beautiful and peaceful place to take Banana for our walks. The roads are still pretty dicey though- church was cancelled this morning.

250iu of follistim is going well- it is surprising to me how the cartridges don't last as long with the higher dosage (thank you, captain obvious)- my dosage now is twice what I started at in October!! So far, no bruises from the injections this time- not sure how I've managed that!! I think my estrogen level is definitely rising- saw some almost ewcm this morning!! I am just praying that some great follies are growing well and that at least one of those follies will become our little one this time!!!

Here is a question about the trigger- we have always done the trigger shot IM, because that is what it says on the box ("IM only"), even though my nurse said we could do it sub-q anyway. Well when I ordered my meds, they asked which needles I needed, and because my brain temporarily malfunctioned, I told them sub-q. SO, they sent me sub-q needles this time, but since they send 3 sets of needles with each order, I still have some IM needles from days past, so we can still do it IM. But, has anyone heard that one or the other is "better" (sub-q or IM)??

I am hopeful for another great u/s tomorrow. If it's anything like past cycles, I will go back in maybe Wed for a final u/s, with the trigger either Thursday or Friday night. (IUI next Saturday or Sunday morning?) We are praying that God might bless this IUI with success and a happy healthy little one in October...

I have been thinking alot lately about how God uses our circumstances to convey to us which path we are supposed to take. In the paper a few weeks back, there was a Q/A with Billy Gra.ham where he wrote that God uses our circumstances to help us know what to do- when He opens doors to specific choices, we can take that as nudge in that direction. But what I struggle with is that God never said that following His will is going to be easy- leading me to ponder the concept that sometimes following His will might entail lots of closed doors and difficult situations.

This is even more difficult when I think about it relative to infertility. What is the balance between being persistent in the face of failure or doubt, and accepting a negative outcome as an encouragement to move on to something else?

It also brings my mind that when my friend T went through IVF 2 years ago, every single door possible just fell open before them. She was surprisingly accepted into a study which reduced expenses, she responded great to the meds, her husband ended up with relatively good numbers (he had severe MFI), and they got their BFP.... only to miscarry at almost 6w. Prior to getting her beta, she felt so encouraged about how she felt God's hand at every turn during their cycle. How could anyone not agree that with all those opened doors, God was blessing their cycle? And yet, their example shows us that even when God opens doors, it doesn't mean that there won't be hardship. (They still consider going through IVF as part of God's plan for building their family- they feel even the heartache of losing their baby to have been used for some good.)

It's my prayer that God has a "yes" in store for us this cycle or next. But I also pray that we'll have the courage and discernment to know what to do with a "no"- whether to remain persistent on our current path or choose a new one. None of this infertility journey is easy, but nothing about "Take up your cross and follow Me" sound easy either!!