*As obnoxious as it sounds and feels, I am starting to struggle with infertility survivors who go on to become pregnant with #2+ without trying. My feelings have been bubbling deep for months now, and they are only getting stronger. It isn't nearly as difficult as before we had Maryanne, but I would love to be able to have another baby (greedy?), and given how long it took last time, I am so insecure about if it will ever happen again. And of course everyone I tell that to has some story about someone who had an awful time conceiving baby #1 but then baby #2 was easy peasy, and that just doesn't help me feel better at all. Blech. It's hard not to feel guilty for feeling this way.
*Speaking of infertility, I would like your advice, especially any of you who are still waiting and still reading. One of my best friends started trying a year after we did, so by now they have been trying for about the same time (or maybe a little longer?) than we did before we conceived. We were very close before I got pregnant, and we kept in touch really frequently while I was pregnant, and we always promised each other that whoever got off the "infertility train" first wouldn't leave the other person out of anything, e.g. baby pictures, celebrations, updates. Fast forward to this past spring, and communication from her has just about dropped to nothing. (She did thoughtfully send Maryanne a birthday gift, but all my texts/emails to thank her have gone unanswered...) She has a busy job, and I try to convince myself that she is just busy with that, but I can't help but feel my heart ache that it's getting too tough for her to keep up with me. What do I do? I don't want to leave her out, because I never wanted to be left out and neither did she, and it's not like I'm mobbing her with texts and emails and calls- maybe once every two/three weeks, but I don't want to keep trying to contact her if she honestly needs time and/or space. I would love to hear how she's doing, and Maryanne and I pray for her every night that God would bless them with a baby. Should I include a family picture of us in their Christmas card? My head says yes, based on our previous conversations, but my heart stings and hesitates....
*I have lost 25 lbs since September, and I am SO excited about it. I have not done any specific diet (other than eat more veggies/fruits/salads just because they have less calories than other alternatives), but I have made a commitment to exercise while Maryanne is napping, and two words: PORTION CONTROL. I am back to the size I was 10+ years ago, and it feels awesome.
*I can't believe that it's already (almost) December. Where did this year go??? Thanks to those of you who are still reading- I know I haven't been very good about posting, but I still read all y'all blogroll buddies (on my phone mostly) :)
The thing about feeling angry is that, it's just an emotion. No need to feel guilty about it. It's hard to watch others get what you want, even if you already have your first baby. It gets a little easier each time, but it never really goes away... I'm hoping it goes away for good once I'm "done"... but hopefully I'm not there yet, cause I still have a serious desire for more children. But yeah, 2 kids later, 5 years of ttc a piece, and passing 36... I'm hearing the clock ticking and wondering if anymore are even in the cards for us.
ReplyDeleteAs for your friend... I'd totally email or call her (even if you have to leave a message) and give a short, heartfelt briefing of how you're feeling. That you value her, and want to be aware of her feelings... that you'd love to include her in anyway that would be supportive to her, and do nothing that would wound her... and ask her for direction as to what she wants. Direct approach is the best if you're really close, at least in my opinion.
I completely understand how you feel about infertility survivors... not that I'm in the search for more, but I understand the slightly bitter sentiment. And of course I also get the guilt part, hang in there darling.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above comment and would ask for directions on your friend's wishes. Only she can answer and she would appreciate that you cared enough to take her feelings into consideration.
And yay for that weight loss!!! Woohoo!
I agree, I think honest commutation is the best. Something like "I am aware that it must sometimes be hard when I talk about m. I really want to be looking out for you. Please let me know how to best look after you, and always feel free to say if you need space." Your friend I'm sure will appreciate it, even if she is going okay with it.
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