Yesterday, our across the street neighbors had their yard treated with some kind of super chemical fertilizer treatment. Not just the granular kind you spread with the green rotater thingy. Like sprayed to the max and smellable from miles away.
This morning at 7:30am, I stepped out the front door with Banana and Bert to go on our morning walk, and the smell of their chemicalled-yard hit me smack in the face. I thought, it's alright, I'll just walk past their house and it'll be fine.
I got 20 yards past their house and knew it would not be fine...
I could have turned around and woken Mr. A up and had him walk them. But I look forward to my morning walk as much as the pups do.
So what else could I do? I tossed some cookies in the middle of the road (luckily the dogs just waited patiently for me to finish), and on we went. It was a beautiful morning and ended up being a really nice walk!
Time for some work in the yard today!
What goes through the mind along the lengthy path of (secondary, now) infertility
Some advice for y'all (updated w/ links)
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Alot of you have asked me if I would recommend such-and-such that I tried while on this journey. So I thought I'd do a pre-pregnancy and while-pregnant post about what I've liked and what I could have done without. I'm not being paid in any way to recommend or not recommend anything, just so you know :) None of these supplements was specifically recommended by my doctor(s)- I just came to do research about each one and felt good about adding them to my diet.
TTC:
Fertility Drugs: BOO. (Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Vitamin D (2000iu/day): I started taking 2000iu in the fall (was taking a lower dosage before then). I definitely would recommend this supplement. A friend of mine saw a normal endocrinologist, and he told her that in the endocrine system, Vitamin D is very powerful, and he thought everyone should take 2000iu per day. The reason I started taking it was because after all our failed ART treatments, it seemed as though I just had low levels of hormones all around. Some reading I had done suggested that increasing your Vitamin D intake would help the production of hormone levels.
Prenatal Vitamin: I take Rainbow Light's Prenatal One. It is a food-based prenatal, meaning that the nutrients therein come from natural/vegetable sources. I would definitely recommend this brand.
Baby Aspirin and/or Robitussin: I took these a few cycles here and there over the last few years, and while I don't think they do you any harm, I am not convinced it helped me in any way. Since I was trying to rid my body of unnecessary chemicals, I decided since I hadn't seen "results", these ones weren't on my list of keepers.
Wheatgrass: I started with the tablets (7 per day, thank you) in July, and sometime early fall, I switched to the powder. The reasons I started taking this supplement was because it is an alkaline superfood containing great folic acid (as adults, our bodies tend towards acidity), and I hoped it would make sure the pH of the reproductive areas was optimal. Also, there are studies that say that wheatgrass improves FSH levels and/or egg quality, and given the results of our ART cycles, that is what I suspected my issue was. I will warn you, it's not the most yummy concoction (I mixed it with 8oz of juice) to choke down every day, but I felt it was definitely having a positive impact, so I would recommend it.
Acupuncture (along with "The Infertility Cure" (book)): I did acupuncture for about 3ish weeks last spring around our IVF cycle, in hopes it would help my response. Well, we all know how that went down. However, after deciding to ditch modern medicine in October and go with only natural fertility-enhancers, I returned to acupuncture, once a week. I think without all the other meds in my body, acupuncture was much more successful (for me). I definitely felt a difference in my cycles and my body/mind, and I incorporated many dietary suggestions from The Infertility Cure. I would definitely recommend acupuncture and this book.
Royal Jelly: I added this supplement in November, because it has been said to be the natural fertility drug. This is what the queen bees eat, and they drop eggs all day long. ;-) It works at the cellular level to make sure cells are as healthy as can be, so I also took this with the hopes I'd crank out some spectacular looking eggies sometime soon. I got the actual jelly form, and just like wheatgrass, eating a tsp per day was a labor of love, but I did it, and I'd recommend it to anyone! (edited to respond to Mommy-In-Waiting: yes, I read that it takes 3 months to "take effect", and it just so happens that I started in November and conceived in January....!)
CoQ10: I added this in January because this supplement has been said to assist in enhancing blood flow and the energy/cell reproduction process, and I wanted to increase my circulation/energy levels (per acupuncture), and make sure my eggs were being made properly (do you notice a trend?). This is a supplement I think is probably least specifically related to fertility issues, but I haven't read anything detrimental about adding it to your intake, so I would keep this in my vitamin cabinet.
Circle+Bloom and Pulling Down the Moon's "Yoga Practices for Fertility": Both of these holistic things I added in January, and I loved them. I think everyone who is still praying for their baby should get one of each of these. The circle+bloom is a meditation series, and it is very relaxing and even if it doesn't work right away, the visualization exercises are really neat to practice. I ordered the fertility yoga DVD, and did it every morning of the week (not weekends). It isn't too hard (if you have never done yoga before), and the instructors do a great job of explaining the poses' relevance to infertility.
PREGNANCY:
Basically, I have continued the Vitamin D, Prenatal, and CoQ10. I stopped the Royal Jelly because there isn't an acceptance either way if it is safe during pregnancy or not. I continued the wheatgrass for as long as I could, but I just have not felt like subjecting myself to trying to swallow that concoction for several weeks.
I have added Expecta DHA prenatal supplement because my prenatal doesn't have DHA in it.
I haven't been back to acupuncture, as much as my practitioner and lots of people on the web assure me that it's safe during pregnancy as long as a few points are avoided. I have alot of confidence in its ability to move energy and adjust balances, and right now my body is balanced (enough) to support this baby, and I am nervous about altering that. I do want to return at least as I approach delivery, though, as there are points to make sure baby is in the right position and my body is preparing itself in the most whole way.
I am not doing the Yoga for Fertility anymore, but I am doing prenatal yoga 5 mornings a week:
First, I got Shiva Rae's DVD and about fell asleep during her routine. I mean, I am no yoga master, but it is soooooooooo slowwwwwwwwwww. As a former distance runner, I need some meat to my workouts, even if they are generally lower impact during pregnancy. The nice thing is that her DVD has trimester variations, but seriously, it is so boring.
Then, I ordered Element's Prenatal/Postnatal Yoga and Ann Richmond's Yoga for Pregnancy (6 workouts). These are MUCH better, and Ann Richmond's one is separated into trimesters, so for people who want the variations, this one is good (although the editing will make you chuckle- she has herself edited into random fields of blowing grass, etc.). The Element one is my favorite, though. (To be honest, I've lent my Ann Richmond out to a friend who is dealing with morning sickness, as she has a segment devoted to relieving specific symptoms!) I'm hoping that my prenatal yoga practice, along with walking the dogs 45min-1hr per day will help me stay fit during pregnancy!
If you have any questions, be sure to ask! I will try to do a followup post if there is enough interest!!
TTC:
Fertility Drugs: BOO. (Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Vitamin D (2000iu/day): I started taking 2000iu in the fall (was taking a lower dosage before then). I definitely would recommend this supplement. A friend of mine saw a normal endocrinologist, and he told her that in the endocrine system, Vitamin D is very powerful, and he thought everyone should take 2000iu per day. The reason I started taking it was because after all our failed ART treatments, it seemed as though I just had low levels of hormones all around. Some reading I had done suggested that increasing your Vitamin D intake would help the production of hormone levels.
Prenatal Vitamin: I take Rainbow Light's Prenatal One. It is a food-based prenatal, meaning that the nutrients therein come from natural/vegetable sources. I would definitely recommend this brand.
Baby Aspirin and/or Robitussin: I took these a few cycles here and there over the last few years, and while I don't think they do you any harm, I am not convinced it helped me in any way. Since I was trying to rid my body of unnecessary chemicals, I decided since I hadn't seen "results", these ones weren't on my list of keepers.
Wheatgrass: I started with the tablets (7 per day, thank you) in July, and sometime early fall, I switched to the powder. The reasons I started taking this supplement was because it is an alkaline superfood containing great folic acid (as adults, our bodies tend towards acidity), and I hoped it would make sure the pH of the reproductive areas was optimal. Also, there are studies that say that wheatgrass improves FSH levels and/or egg quality, and given the results of our ART cycles, that is what I suspected my issue was. I will warn you, it's not the most yummy concoction (I mixed it with 8oz of juice) to choke down every day, but I felt it was definitely having a positive impact, so I would recommend it.
Acupuncture (along with "The Infertility Cure" (book)): I did acupuncture for about 3ish weeks last spring around our IVF cycle, in hopes it would help my response. Well, we all know how that went down. However, after deciding to ditch modern medicine in October and go with only natural fertility-enhancers, I returned to acupuncture, once a week. I think without all the other meds in my body, acupuncture was much more successful (for me). I definitely felt a difference in my cycles and my body/mind, and I incorporated many dietary suggestions from The Infertility Cure. I would definitely recommend acupuncture and this book.
Royal Jelly: I added this supplement in November, because it has been said to be the natural fertility drug. This is what the queen bees eat, and they drop eggs all day long. ;-) It works at the cellular level to make sure cells are as healthy as can be, so I also took this with the hopes I'd crank out some spectacular looking eggies sometime soon. I got the actual jelly form, and just like wheatgrass, eating a tsp per day was a labor of love, but I did it, and I'd recommend it to anyone! (edited to respond to Mommy-In-Waiting: yes, I read that it takes 3 months to "take effect", and it just so happens that I started in November and conceived in January....!)
CoQ10: I added this in January because this supplement has been said to assist in enhancing blood flow and the energy/cell reproduction process, and I wanted to increase my circulation/energy levels (per acupuncture), and make sure my eggs were being made properly (do you notice a trend?). This is a supplement I think is probably least specifically related to fertility issues, but I haven't read anything detrimental about adding it to your intake, so I would keep this in my vitamin cabinet.
Circle+Bloom and Pulling Down the Moon's "Yoga Practices for Fertility": Both of these holistic things I added in January, and I loved them. I think everyone who is still praying for their baby should get one of each of these. The circle+bloom is a meditation series, and it is very relaxing and even if it doesn't work right away, the visualization exercises are really neat to practice. I ordered the fertility yoga DVD, and did it every morning of the week (not weekends). It isn't too hard (if you have never done yoga before), and the instructors do a great job of explaining the poses' relevance to infertility.
PREGNANCY:
Basically, I have continued the Vitamin D, Prenatal, and CoQ10. I stopped the Royal Jelly because there isn't an acceptance either way if it is safe during pregnancy or not. I continued the wheatgrass for as long as I could, but I just have not felt like subjecting myself to trying to swallow that concoction for several weeks.
I have added Expecta DHA prenatal supplement because my prenatal doesn't have DHA in it.
I haven't been back to acupuncture, as much as my practitioner and lots of people on the web assure me that it's safe during pregnancy as long as a few points are avoided. I have alot of confidence in its ability to move energy and adjust balances, and right now my body is balanced (enough) to support this baby, and I am nervous about altering that. I do want to return at least as I approach delivery, though, as there are points to make sure baby is in the right position and my body is preparing itself in the most whole way.
I am not doing the Yoga for Fertility anymore, but I am doing prenatal yoga 5 mornings a week:
First, I got Shiva Rae's DVD and about fell asleep during her routine. I mean, I am no yoga master, but it is soooooooooo slowwwwwwwwwww. As a former distance runner, I need some meat to my workouts, even if they are generally lower impact during pregnancy. The nice thing is that her DVD has trimester variations, but seriously, it is so boring.
Then, I ordered Element's Prenatal/Postnatal Yoga and Ann Richmond's Yoga for Pregnancy (6 workouts). These are MUCH better, and Ann Richmond's one is separated into trimesters, so for people who want the variations, this one is good (although the editing will make you chuckle- she has herself edited into random fields of blowing grass, etc.). The Element one is my favorite, though. (To be honest, I've lent my Ann Richmond out to a friend who is dealing with morning sickness, as she has a segment devoted to relieving specific symptoms!) I'm hoping that my prenatal yoga practice, along with walking the dogs 45min-1hr per day will help me stay fit during pregnancy!
If you have any questions, be sure to ask! I will try to do a followup post if there is enough interest!!
How to tell "friends"
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Um. I still have not told most of my college "friends" about our baby. (The exceptions are the couple of them who have been supportive.)
And neither has the girl who is the instigator of that post told me about her pregnancy, and I have found out from the couple girls who are supportive of me that she is due any day now. It is beyond me to figure out what she is thinking- is she really never going to tell me about her CHILD??
Part of me never wants to tell any of the rest of them. It seems as though they could care less about what I was struggling with, so why should I share this with them either. I feel like everyone who I would want to know about our little one already knows.
Another reason I don't want to tell them is because I am scared that they will finally include me. And that will hurt. Because I want them to include me because of me, not because I "have" something. What if you were only friends with people who had designer jeans? What if you were only friends with people who had $50k in the bank? What if you were only friends with people who had ........?
I am friends with people who make $30k and people who make $250k, and it doesn't make a beans bit of difference to me. I am friends with these folks because of them, not because of what they have. I understand that in some respects, people of similar interests and capabilities are going to gravitate towards each other, but that doesn't mean that you can't value others who are different than you. And up until this point, that is how I feel my college "friends" have treated me: I didn't have everything in common with them anymore, so why should I be included in their lives?
But, ah-ha, after I tell them about our baby, I will be in common with them!! (Remember this post where one of them whom I've already told said that "now" we would be able to talk more? What, was her phone broken when I shared my struggle with them?) It will sting if, at this point, they attempt to make our relationship sunshine and roses again.
And yet another reason I don't want to tell is that I don't want to perpetuate either of these two myths: 1) That if you stop "trying" so hard, you will conceive, and 2) That everyone gets pregnant eventually. I cringe to the deepest depths to think that our miracle baby would play any part in them thinking those things, but let's face it, they are going to think it, and I have no control over it. But darn if I don't want to rip these thoughts out of their head preemptively.
But on the very other hand, I can't wait to tell them. I can't wait to write how I've treasured every second of nausea. I can't wait to tell them about how every morning when it is nearly impossible to wake up, I thank God for this little one sapping all my energy. I can't wait to describe the thrill of losing my waist and buying maternity pants, and of getting out of breath on walks I used to own and practicing prenatal yoga. I can't wait to remind them what a miracle every baby is, and that not one day of any baby's life should be taken for granted or complained about.
It's not that I really want to make them feel guilty for their awful maternal behaviors (okay, maybe a teeny bit), but you have to understand that they are the most ungrateful, taking-for-granted, complaining set of moms I have ever known. It is really a sad state of affairs. Mr. A wonders why I even associate with them anymore.
The truth is that I don't. Or at least I didn't, thanks to them pulling themselves away from me. Well, again, except for maybe 2-3 of them. We'll see how the rest of them act when they hear the news.
And neither has the girl who is the instigator of that post told me about her pregnancy, and I have found out from the couple girls who are supportive of me that she is due any day now. It is beyond me to figure out what she is thinking- is she really never going to tell me about her CHILD??
Part of me never wants to tell any of the rest of them. It seems as though they could care less about what I was struggling with, so why should I share this with them either. I feel like everyone who I would want to know about our little one already knows.
Another reason I don't want to tell them is because I am scared that they will finally include me. And that will hurt. Because I want them to include me because of me, not because I "have" something. What if you were only friends with people who had designer jeans? What if you were only friends with people who had $50k in the bank? What if you were only friends with people who had ........?
I am friends with people who make $30k and people who make $250k, and it doesn't make a beans bit of difference to me. I am friends with these folks because of them, not because of what they have. I understand that in some respects, people of similar interests and capabilities are going to gravitate towards each other, but that doesn't mean that you can't value others who are different than you. And up until this point, that is how I feel my college "friends" have treated me: I didn't have everything in common with them anymore, so why should I be included in their lives?
But, ah-ha, after I tell them about our baby, I will be in common with them!! (Remember this post where one of them whom I've already told said that "now" we would be able to talk more? What, was her phone broken when I shared my struggle with them?) It will sting if, at this point, they attempt to make our relationship sunshine and roses again.
And yet another reason I don't want to tell is that I don't want to perpetuate either of these two myths: 1) That if you stop "trying" so hard, you will conceive, and 2) That everyone gets pregnant eventually. I cringe to the deepest depths to think that our miracle baby would play any part in them thinking those things, but let's face it, they are going to think it, and I have no control over it. But darn if I don't want to rip these thoughts out of their head preemptively.
But on the very other hand, I can't wait to tell them. I can't wait to write how I've treasured every second of nausea. I can't wait to tell them about how every morning when it is nearly impossible to wake up, I thank God for this little one sapping all my energy. I can't wait to describe the thrill of losing my waist and buying maternity pants, and of getting out of breath on walks I used to own and practicing prenatal yoga. I can't wait to remind them what a miracle every baby is, and that not one day of any baby's life should be taken for granted or complained about.
It's not that I really want to make them feel guilty for their awful maternal behaviors (okay, maybe a teeny bit), but you have to understand that they are the most ungrateful, taking-for-granted, complaining set of moms I have ever known. It is really a sad state of affairs. Mr. A wonders why I even associate with them anymore.
The truth is that I don't. Or at least I didn't, thanks to them pulling themselves away from me. Well, again, except for maybe 2-3 of them. We'll see how the rest of them act when they hear the news.
Labels:
non-IF people,
pregnancy
Food on Friday (sad for a friend)
Friday, March 25, 2011
A friend of mine at church was 16w pregnant and had suddenly felt strange, so she mentioned it to her midwife at her appointment earlier this week. Her baby had no heartbeat, and an ultrasound revealed that the baby had stopped growing at 14w. She had a d&c yesterday, and the local cemetery has an infant section, and the baby will be buried a week from today.
My heart aches for her- I can't describe it any other way.
Some other ladies and I are collaborating to cover meals for a while for our friend and her family. The main dish I am planning on bringing for their Sunday dinner is Shepherd's Pie: a wonderful suggestion from my aunt!! I will also bring a salad.
What other sides would you suggest? What dessert do you think would go well?
(I am sorry if this is scary for some readers- it scares the heck out of me, too, but I don't think it is right to focus on my fear at a time when it's my friend's crisis, not mine...)
My heart aches for her- I can't describe it any other way.
Some other ladies and I are collaborating to cover meals for a while for our friend and her family. The main dish I am planning on bringing for their Sunday dinner is Shepherd's Pie: a wonderful suggestion from my aunt!! I will also bring a salad.
What other sides would you suggest? What dessert do you think would go well?
(I am sorry if this is scary for some readers- it scares the heck out of me, too, but I don't think it is right to focus on my fear at a time when it's my friend's crisis, not mine...)
OOH, possible debate!!!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
One of my bloggy buddies recently had this (mean, IMO) comment left on her blog:
I cannot understand how people desire so much to have a baby and sometimes go into debt to 'pay' for the child. Then they leave their new baby with someone so they can keep up with the same lifestyle they had before. Can someone please explain this to me? I believe there is so much pressure in our society to keep with the same lifestyle we have and yes, it is always hard to reduce our lifestyle to something more simple. I understand some mothers thrive on working and do both work and taking care of their child. Wonderful! But when someone has waited so long to have a child and then leaves them to go back to work, I cannot understand this unless they are seriously financially strapped. The hours days and months one will miss with leaving a child with someone else to go back to work is amazing. I wish there were more women who have waited so long to have children to then decide to stay home with them, cherish and relish those growing years, and decide to reduce their lifestyle to something more simple. Again, each to their own and not every mother needs to stay home with their kids. It's just puzzling for those who have waited so long for a child...
Agree or disagree? What would you say to this person??
I will go first... I think it is sad that (again) people who have waited so long for their kids are held to a different standard than those who just pop them out? Is being a mom who can balance work and motherhood mutually exclusive from being infertile mom? I don't know why it is so much more shocking that we would choose to go back to work than those people who don't even have to think about trying to conceive. If anything, we have more need to return to work to rebuild our dilapidated-after-ART savings accounts or repay the ultrasounds we put on the credit cards, while our fertile friends can continue with their yearly vacations to the beach with the money they didn't spend on fertility medications. And what if they are "seriously financially strapped" or even "financially strapped", and who are you to say what is "financially strapped"? It's pretty obnoxious to cast such a disparaging shadow on those who are in a tighter financial situation than you are. I am sure there are many women who would love to be stay at home moms (myself included, as I think there is alot to be said for the value and honor of being a stay at home mom), while I know several moms who tried staying at home and hated it, longing for a balance of work and home. Oh but wait, they were fertile, so maybe that is okay.
I will go first... I think it is sad that (again) people who have waited so long for their kids are held to a different standard than those who just pop them out? Is being a mom who can balance work and motherhood mutually exclusive from being infertile mom? I don't know why it is so much more shocking that we would choose to go back to work than those people who don't even have to think about trying to conceive. If anything, we have more need to return to work to rebuild our dilapidated-after-ART savings accounts or repay the ultrasounds we put on the credit cards, while our fertile friends can continue with their yearly vacations to the beach with the money they didn't spend on fertility medications. And what if they are "seriously financially strapped" or even "financially strapped", and who are you to say what is "financially strapped"? It's pretty obnoxious to cast such a disparaging shadow on those who are in a tighter financial situation than you are. I am sure there are many women who would love to be stay at home moms (myself included, as I think there is alot to be said for the value and honor of being a stay at home mom), while I know several moms who tried staying at home and hated it, longing for a balance of work and home. Oh but wait, they were fertile, so maybe that is okay.
Labels:
non-IF people
A Year Later (IF reflection)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
A year ago, I had been taking lupron for a couple weeks, and was about to start follistim. I was embarking on our first shot at IVF, in which my response would be awful and we would decide to cancel the cycle.
Cancelled IVF cycles are not the norm, as far as I can tell, especially when so many women have resounding success on the very first try.
And yet, I can't believe how happy I sounded in the post about our cancelled cycle. I read it today and think, how could I have possibly used all those exclamation points on a day where our dreams had been shattered?
We would go on to try a new IVF protocol the very next cycle, this time to make it to retrieval and transfer, but our embryo would not stay with us.
I am not sure if any of you remember, but our due date for our second IVF cycle was January 25, 2011.
On January 30, 2011, we saw evidence that a new little baby had taken up residence within me.
It is hard to say that "if our first embie had made it, we wouldn't have this baby", but that is the truth. We will always cherish our embie from last May, but for some unknown reason, he was only here with us for a few days. The baby who has been with me for 12 weeks now is a totally different, precious person who has his/her own special purpose on this Earth. I am so grateful for both these children, and even more grateful for the ways that losing our first embie prepared us and changed us for the journey to the one who is here today.
So, almost a year after our first IVF was cancelled, I have a better appreciation for how God was preparing me for the pregnancy journey I am on today. I may have not understood at the time why our IVF journey was so rocky and unsuccessful, but God's ways are not our ways. He used all the heartache to prepare my body and my heart for the joy that was to come.
It is so easy to begin to see this in retrospect, and of course I wonder why it wouldn't just be easier for Him to reassure us at the point in time when our heart is shattered. You know "It is okay, child, I have already planned for you to conceive a healthy baby in 9 months, a baby that wouldn't be possible if either of your IVF's had worked." ...or something. But what would we lose on our spiritual journey if we didn't have to learn to trust God's Word that He works all things for good if we let Him, and that He will never abandon us?
I pray for God's continued blessing of health for the baby I carry today, and for all my friends who are praying for their child and wondering what to make of the latest heartache. Be assured friends, God is preparing you for your little one.
Cancelled IVF cycles are not the norm, as far as I can tell, especially when so many women have resounding success on the very first try.
And yet, I can't believe how happy I sounded in the post about our cancelled cycle. I read it today and think, how could I have possibly used all those exclamation points on a day where our dreams had been shattered?
We would go on to try a new IVF protocol the very next cycle, this time to make it to retrieval and transfer, but our embryo would not stay with us.
I am not sure if any of you remember, but our due date for our second IVF cycle was January 25, 2011.
On January 30, 2011, we saw evidence that a new little baby had taken up residence within me.
It is hard to say that "if our first embie had made it, we wouldn't have this baby", but that is the truth. We will always cherish our embie from last May, but for some unknown reason, he was only here with us for a few days. The baby who has been with me for 12 weeks now is a totally different, precious person who has his/her own special purpose on this Earth. I am so grateful for both these children, and even more grateful for the ways that losing our first embie prepared us and changed us for the journey to the one who is here today.
So, almost a year after our first IVF was cancelled, I have a better appreciation for how God was preparing me for the pregnancy journey I am on today. I may have not understood at the time why our IVF journey was so rocky and unsuccessful, but God's ways are not our ways. He used all the heartache to prepare my body and my heart for the joy that was to come.
It is so easy to begin to see this in retrospect, and of course I wonder why it wouldn't just be easier for Him to reassure us at the point in time when our heart is shattered. You know "It is okay, child, I have already planned for you to conceive a healthy baby in 9 months, a baby that wouldn't be possible if either of your IVF's had worked." ...or something. But what would we lose on our spiritual journey if we didn't have to learn to trust God's Word that He works all things for good if we let Him, and that He will never abandon us?
I pray for God's continued blessing of health for the baby I carry today, and for all my friends who are praying for their child and wondering what to make of the latest heartache. Be assured friends, God is preparing you for your little one.
Labels:
BFN,
faith,
friends,
general life,
infertility,
IVF,
pregnancy,
waiting
Security Blanket
Monday, March 21, 2011
My RE originally told me I could stop them at 10w, but I just couldn't. So starting today, I'm going to wean myself off. I had been doing two supp's per day, and for the next week, I will just do one. Jury is out on whether I will then go to every other day for a week, and then every 3 days, and then.... HA.
I sort of want to ask my midwife on Friday if I can have my progesterone checked, but I am not sure if she will agree that it's necessary, i.e. if insurance will pay for it. It's emotionally difficult to drop the supplements, although I know that "everyone" drops them around the 12w mark with no massive problems.
It goes along with the theme that PAI women realize quickly and surprisingly that even though infertility is filled with tests and medicines and strategies and plans and checkups, those at least provided security during infertility.
Or, at least in my case on a number of failure occasions (e.g., especially, my cancelled IVF, and my subsequent failed IVF), they made me feel awful and torn and alone and scared, but I still had some result or some dosage that told us what was next on the list and that we were still going after this infertility monster.
So, even though my infertility security blanket often brought insecurity, at least it was there.
And perhaps instead of tests and med dosages for a blanket, I now have nausea and tiredness and maybe the very beginning of a little baby bump, but those are so subjective, and you know how scared infertile people are of reading too much into symptoms.
At least for a thankfully low-risk pregnancy so far, my PAI security blanket has been thin but has brought only contentment and rest and reassurance. I go for my 2nd midwife appointment on Friday, where we will be praying to hear our little one's heartbeat using doppler.
Hoping and praying that our blanket continues to gain strength and warmth and goodness with each appointment and that our little one will be here happy and healthy in October.
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