My two sisters and I went to see Julie & Julia last night. What a great movie! I read a review that said that the parts with Julie were lame, but I disagree wholeheartedly. I thought it was a wonderful movie, and it would be a DVD I would actually consider buying! (I am very selective as to what I put in my personal collection!)
There is one scene with Julia (Meryl Streep is so good as Julia!) where she receives a letter that her sister (newly married) is pregnant. She sobs into her husband's chest, and although no tears sprung for me, it was so real. I'm not sure if Streep struggled at all with IF, but she must have talked intimately to someone who did or something, because her portrayal was spot on. It was perfect, and I just sat there feeling quite validated about the sadness that I experience when I get similar news. So even though I definitely identified with the pain, the whole movie was so fun and positive, that it kind of gave me an insight into how even a life without children can be full and wonderful. Of course I don't want to be without children forever (please Lord), but it inspired me to really live it up with my husband right now- he is such a blessing!
I definitely recommend the movie- especially as an inspiration to those of us still waiting to really embrace life to the fullest every day!
Busy busy
Monday, August 10, 2009
Thanks for your comments on my last post- I will keep you posted with any new developments!!
We had a busy weekend (my aunt/uncle/cousins and my next sister came over yesterday morning and we had a day-long pool party! It was a perfect pool party day, but Mr. A and I were exhausted last night after cleaning up!), and my other sister is coming this evening to visit for a few days, so I will likely not be posting much this week. Today is CD7, so my last clomid will be tonight. I have been taking the pills at about 930pm, and I haven't had any headaches this time. (The last two cycles I took the pills more about 11pm.) Not sure if the time matters, but it is nice to not have had any headaches this far!
Please keep my friend T in your prayers. Her hubby has a heart condition, and their adoption agency wanted a letter from his doctor saying that his condition wouldn't affect the parenting of a child. Well, long story short, their doctor wrote this very involved letter with some good points, but in regards to that specific question, basically said he couldn't say whether or not the condition would affect parenting of a child. (And really, I think he's technically right, but the bigger question is that what if one of them were to have an undiagnosed condition- how does being human affect your ability to parent?) So the agency wants more letters from more of his doctors to see what they will say. If I were them, I would be so angry at the doctor, but I think that is just my human weakness coming out- the doc probably thought it was good to be brutually honest. I'm just praying that their other doctors will be moved to write the words that will affirm to their agency that they would be great parents.
We had a busy weekend (my aunt/uncle/cousins and my next sister came over yesterday morning and we had a day-long pool party! It was a perfect pool party day, but Mr. A and I were exhausted last night after cleaning up!), and my other sister is coming this evening to visit for a few days, so I will likely not be posting much this week. Today is CD7, so my last clomid will be tonight. I have been taking the pills at about 930pm, and I haven't had any headaches this time. (The last two cycles I took the pills more about 11pm.) Not sure if the time matters, but it is nice to not have had any headaches this far!
Please keep my friend T in your prayers. Her hubby has a heart condition, and their adoption agency wanted a letter from his doctor saying that his condition wouldn't affect the parenting of a child. Well, long story short, their doctor wrote this very involved letter with some good points, but in regards to that specific question, basically said he couldn't say whether or not the condition would affect parenting of a child. (And really, I think he's technically right, but the bigger question is that what if one of them were to have an undiagnosed condition- how does being human affect your ability to parent?) So the agency wants more letters from more of his doctors to see what they will say. If I were them, I would be so angry at the doctor, but I think that is just my human weakness coming out- the doc probably thought it was good to be brutually honest. I'm just praying that their other doctors will be moved to write the words that will affirm to their agency that they would be great parents.
Some Q's & A's
Friday, August 07, 2009
I got to talk to my RE's nurse Wednesday morning, and I got all of my questions (at that point) answered. I am all for this third clomid cycle, and I'm prayin my heart out that I don't need to indulge my type-A wonderings of this week. Game day #2 is today! Go team clomid!
In the very unfortunate (from my perspective, not God's omniscient one) situation that He does not use clomid to bless us with our first baby/ies, we needed to start preparing ourselves for what are our next options.
Just to review, because I think at least a few of you will ask, Mr. A and I have both been checked out, and everything looks a-okay except I had low progesterone (no/weak ovulation?) prior to clomid (my RE found this upon review of my records sent from my Gyn). I don't have any crazy pain associated with my cycle, don't have energy issues, have at least a 13-day LP (even before clomid), don't have spotting mid-LP through the end, normally have good CM (although clomid did decrease it a little), and don't really have any symptoms of any other assorted conditions that can interfere with babymaking. This doesn't mean there might not be one, I guess, but at this point, my RE's diagnosis is low progesterone, and it seems like clomid is just what I need, because it did do a great job increasing my p+7 progesterone from 6.4 to 16.8.
Let's just reiterate that I pray that God uses this clomid cycle to bless us with our first child/ren.
In the event that He does not, though, we have at least three options/permutations ahead of us. We aren't opposed to any of them- just trying at this point to figure out where God is leading us at the point when we need to make a decision.
Option 1: Clomid IUI (take clomid, have u/s monitoring, HCG shot, IUI)- This would bypass any CM disaster that I'm not picking up on- approximate cost $850 (I guess we could also just take 3 more cycles of clomid alone, but my RE normally adds IUI after three unsuccessful cycles to up the anty a few percentage points.)
Option 2: Follistim without IUI- This is an injectible suped-up version of clomid from what I can tell. The completely awesome blessing is that my insurance covers this drug, as far as I and the insurance lady at my RE's office can tell (I still want to call my insurance and confirm this with an actual person). This is huge because one follistim cycle is about $800-900 otherwise.
Option 3: Follistim with IUI: Pretty self-explanatory (see Option 1 plus Option 2), except the IUI cost would be the same as in Option 1, so this cycle would be about $850.
We are not considering IVF right now for a variety of reasons, nor was it even brought up by my RE because I don't think he thinks we'll be unsuccessful after clomid and/or these things he's already suggested.
I think we are leaning towards either Option 2 or Option 3 initially (way before we need to decide, see below), because we aren't dealing with any MFI, so I don't think Option 1 is going to be much more successful than us on our own. Plus I think we are interested in being as proactive as we feel appropriate at this point. We are planning on making a list of boundaries before any further treated cycles- financially, emotionally, spiritually, and procedure-wise, so we are not sucked into more cycles, etc. by force of momentum than we rationally feel we can traverse. If God does not use these options to give us biological children, I assume at that point that we will revisit adoption.
The thing is that, if I'm not pregnant this time, and since my cycles are so predictable, September's ovulation time window is when I'll be watching my younger cousins while their parents go to parents' weekend at their oldest son's college. As in, I'll be a little over an hour from my RE's office and playing soccer mom. So I can't exactly scadoodle for monitoring or IUI whenever the eggies decide it's time to go. ("Oh, instead of going to your soccer game this morning, we are going to the doctor office to look at a tv screen! Doesn't that sound exciting? ooOOOooo!") Mr. A will be with me, though, so all will not be lost.
That means we have until the October cycle to figure out where God is pulling us. No doubt we will spend much time in prayer between now and then, both praying that He'll bless us before we need to make this decision, and praying that He will lead us in all circumstances with a hand that is undeniable. I am actually thankful that we have this time to take our time and decide and really give God the opportunity to direct us.
I am excited and continue to feel like our baby is not that far away. I pray we'll be a family of at least three this Christmas.
Show us Your face, Jesus!!
In the very unfortunate (from my perspective, not God's omniscient one) situation that He does not use clomid to bless us with our first baby/ies, we needed to start preparing ourselves for what are our next options.
Just to review, because I think at least a few of you will ask, Mr. A and I have both been checked out, and everything looks a-okay except I had low progesterone (no/weak ovulation?) prior to clomid (my RE found this upon review of my records sent from my Gyn). I don't have any crazy pain associated with my cycle, don't have energy issues, have at least a 13-day LP (even before clomid), don't have spotting mid-LP through the end, normally have good CM (although clomid did decrease it a little), and don't really have any symptoms of any other assorted conditions that can interfere with babymaking. This doesn't mean there might not be one, I guess, but at this point, my RE's diagnosis is low progesterone, and it seems like clomid is just what I need, because it did do a great job increasing my p+7 progesterone from 6.4 to 16.8.
Let's just reiterate that I pray that God uses this clomid cycle to bless us with our first child/ren.
In the event that He does not, though, we have at least three options/permutations ahead of us. We aren't opposed to any of them- just trying at this point to figure out where God is leading us at the point when we need to make a decision.
Option 1: Clomid IUI (take clomid, have u/s monitoring, HCG shot, IUI)- This would bypass any CM disaster that I'm not picking up on- approximate cost $850 (I guess we could also just take 3 more cycles of clomid alone, but my RE normally adds IUI after three unsuccessful cycles to up the anty a few percentage points.)
Option 2: Follistim without IUI- This is an injectible suped-up version of clomid from what I can tell. The completely awesome blessing is that my insurance covers this drug, as far as I and the insurance lady at my RE's office can tell (I still want to call my insurance and confirm this with an actual person). This is huge because one follistim cycle is about $800-900 otherwise.
Option 3: Follistim with IUI: Pretty self-explanatory (see Option 1 plus Option 2), except the IUI cost would be the same as in Option 1, so this cycle would be about $850.
We are not considering IVF right now for a variety of reasons, nor was it even brought up by my RE because I don't think he thinks we'll be unsuccessful after clomid and/or these things he's already suggested.
I think we are leaning towards either Option 2 or Option 3 initially (way before we need to decide, see below), because we aren't dealing with any MFI, so I don't think Option 1 is going to be much more successful than us on our own. Plus I think we are interested in being as proactive as we feel appropriate at this point. We are planning on making a list of boundaries before any further treated cycles- financially, emotionally, spiritually, and procedure-wise, so we are not sucked into more cycles, etc. by force of momentum than we rationally feel we can traverse. If God does not use these options to give us biological children, I assume at that point that we will revisit adoption.
The thing is that, if I'm not pregnant this time, and since my cycles are so predictable, September's ovulation time window is when I'll be watching my younger cousins while their parents go to parents' weekend at their oldest son's college. As in, I'll be a little over an hour from my RE's office and playing soccer mom. So I can't exactly scadoodle for monitoring or IUI whenever the eggies decide it's time to go. ("Oh, instead of going to your soccer game this morning, we are going to the doctor office to look at a tv screen! Doesn't that sound exciting? ooOOOooo!") Mr. A will be with me, though, so all will not be lost.
That means we have until the October cycle to figure out where God is pulling us. No doubt we will spend much time in prayer between now and then, both praying that He'll bless us before we need to make this decision, and praying that He will lead us in all circumstances with a hand that is undeniable. I am actually thankful that we have this time to take our time and decide and really give God the opportunity to direct us.
I am excited and continue to feel like our baby is not that far away. I pray we'll be a family of at least three this Christmas.
Show us Your face, Jesus!!
Hectic Week
Thursday, August 06, 2009
I have had a really busy week, and so I feel behind on commenting and posting and everything!! I am doing well (CD3), and getting ready to kick off the third monthly celebration of clomid-pallooza tonight!!
I did get a chance to talk with my RE's nurse yesterday, and Mr. A and I have had some great conversations as to what we'd like to try next and what are the limitations on how much (emotionally, financially) we will invest in trying for a biological child before we move (again) towards adoption. We are very excited and on the same page and continuing to seek where God is leading us right now!
More tomorrow-
I did get a chance to talk with my RE's nurse yesterday, and Mr. A and I have had some great conversations as to what we'd like to try next and what are the limitations on how much (emotionally, financially) we will invest in trying for a biological child before we move (again) towards adoption. We are very excited and on the same page and continuing to seek where God is leading us right now!
More tomorrow-
Artistic Diversion
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
In an effort to take my mind off CD2 and the million-and-one questions I hope to discuss over the phone with my RE and/or his nurse this morning, I am looking forward to a visit from my cousins this weekend, and a visit from my sister next week. It is going to be awesome!!
Speaking of that sister, I will now shamelessly plug her talent as an artist...
Plain and simple, you should check out her etsy site if you have any need or want for some awesome paintings and/or sketches. She does beautiful custom paintings for people, mostly from digital photographs, or she has started making prints of some of her paintings in her "store" that you can choose from!
All the paintings in our home are hers (the first ones are pretty big, and the last three are 5x7 size, and I have them hung horizontally in series). Here are some samples!
Speaking of that sister, I will now shamelessly plug her talent as an artist...
Plain and simple, you should check out her etsy site if you have any need or want for some awesome paintings and/or sketches. She does beautiful custom paintings for people, mostly from digital photographs, or she has started making prints of some of her paintings in her "store" that you can choose from!
All the paintings in our home are hers (the first ones are pretty big, and the last three are 5x7 size, and I have them hung horizontally in series). Here are some samples!
(Bigger) Kerplunk (CD1)
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Thank you all so much for your hopes and prayers!! Temp back down to 98.05 today (0.02 below coverline). BFN on the test...I am sure glad I didn't fork over the $17 for the digitals! Ever-so-faint light brown spotting this morning, but I think I honestly feel the cramps coming on. At 15dpo, I am honestly just ready for CD1. I can appreciate I have great LP's without any spotting mid-LP, but when it gets to this point, let's just get it over with if we're heading to CD1 anyway!
Busy day here- work, haircut this morning, and then a teleconference this afternoon... Will post more tomorrow :)
ETA: I have definitely started. Looking forward to my own pot of flavored coffee this afternoon! And 4 klond.ike's and a bowl of l.ays and onion dip for lunch. Hehe, okay maybe not four klond.ike's... Since I didn't start until like 1030am this morning, I won't reset my monitor until tomorrow, but do I count today as CD1 for clomid's sake? I am thinking yes, and I'm not sure how much it would actually matter, but I was just wondering.
Busy day here- work, haircut this morning, and then a teleconference this afternoon... Will post more tomorrow :)
ETA: I have definitely started. Looking forward to my own pot of flavored coffee this afternoon! And 4 klond.ike's and a bowl of l.ays and onion dip for lunch. Hehe, okay maybe not four klond.ike's... Since I didn't start until like 1030am this morning, I won't reset my monitor until tomorrow, but do I count today as CD1 for clomid's sake? I am thinking yes, and I'm not sure how much it would actually matter, but I was just wondering.
14dpo! (update w IF humor)
Monday, August 03, 2009
Thanks for your prayers for me regarding my past post- Friday was not a good day to have a huge temp drop and deal with those issues!!
But, today is 14dpo, and my temp (15 minutes earlier than usual, I might add, for comic relief) is 98.36!! I had a tiny bit of pink spotting first thing this morning that is now barely noticeable (even when I get the TP 2 inches from my face...) and very light brown. I woke up this morning feeling wonderful, literally I think I was smiling in my sleep, because I had just dreamt that Mr. A and I were taking our tiny baby for a hike. Nevermind the fact that we had not decided to take the baby for a hike in the front carrier or wrap or backpack. No, we were hauling the carseat up the trail!
I am really not sure what to think. Spotting usually means AF will start within 24 hours.
(Update: I just went to the pharmacy to get a box of pregnancy tests. First of all, I haven't bought any in a looong time, and I brought $10 with me. Ha! When did pregnancy tests become so freakin expensive?! I barely got a box of Answer's! I think those are good, right? Also, I resisted the temptation (chuckling the whole drive there) to buy the ultimate infertile-15dpo-eve-jackpot consisting of a box of pregnancy tests, a box of pads, and a box of tampons, just to cover all the bases. Wouldn't that have been the perfectly and hilariously ironic purchase? But, I decided that for tonight, my hope will still sustain a more normal purchase of just the pregnancy tests. We'll see what the morning brings! Actually, at least one of my sisters reads this, so I might take tomorrow off of posting in case I need to tell her in some awesome creative way that I will now do my best to think up! Or in case I will need a day to take my CD1 frustrations out on the weeds in my flowerbeds...oh yah, remember, hope is not considering the latter yet!)
But, today is 14dpo, and my temp (15 minutes earlier than usual, I might add, for comic relief) is 98.36!! I had a tiny bit of pink spotting first thing this morning that is now barely noticeable (even when I get the TP 2 inches from my face...) and very light brown. I woke up this morning feeling wonderful, literally I think I was smiling in my sleep, because I had just dreamt that Mr. A and I were taking our tiny baby for a hike. Nevermind the fact that we had not decided to take the baby for a hike in the front carrier or wrap or backpack. No, we were hauling the carseat up the trail!
I am really not sure what to think. Spotting usually means AF will start within 24 hours.
(Update: I just went to the pharmacy to get a box of pregnancy tests. First of all, I haven't bought any in a looong time, and I brought $10 with me. Ha! When did pregnancy tests become so freakin expensive?! I barely got a box of Answer's! I think those are good, right? Also, I resisted the temptation (chuckling the whole drive there) to buy the ultimate infertile-15dpo-eve-jackpot consisting of a box of pregnancy tests, a box of pads, and a box of tampons, just to cover all the bases. Wouldn't that have been the perfectly and hilariously ironic purchase? But, I decided that for tonight, my hope will still sustain a more normal purchase of just the pregnancy tests. We'll see what the morning brings! Actually, at least one of my sisters reads this, so I might take tomorrow off of posting in case I need to tell her in some awesome creative way that I will now do my best to think up! Or in case I will need a day to take my CD1 frustrations out on the weeds in my flowerbeds...oh yah, remember, hope is not considering the latter yet!)
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