Re and other appts

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

No wonder I'm 15 lbs overweight (per BMI)- with all the french bread and spaghetti sauce!!! (Mr. A wanted ravioli with french (garlic) bread on the side instead, so no meatballs.)

This week is the week of doctors for our "family"...RE appt yesterday, eye appt for me today, shot for Banana tomorrow, eye appt for Mr. A on Thursday. I really, really need to go to the dentist (no problems, just for a prof. cleaning) but I am using the 2ww as an excuse and promise to make an appt in September if I'm not pregnant this time.

(Speaking of my eye appt, my eyes are still dilated, so the whole typing/reading thing is not the clearest yet- I apologize for typos!)

About the RE appt yesterday morning, and I have to say that I am continually impressed with his knowledge and patience and outlook. Basically, he said that the next thing he'd suggest would be a clomid IUI, but I told him that we'd talked about it and since clomid hasn't worked yet (that we know of, wink wink) and since IUI only adds a few percentage points to the success rate, we'd rather try a different medication that increases it more than just a few percentage points. That is totally okay with him, and since my insurance covers follistim (a HUGE blessing), we're going to do another clomid cycle (unless God has blessed us this cycle!) in September (since I will be sitting with my cousins and unavailable for u/s monitoring) and start a follistim cycle (w/ HCG trigger) in October. We'll try timing it ourselves first and move on to IUI in November if necessary. I am really excited! Obviously I hope and pray we won't be in November without having a third mouth to feed at Thanksgiving, but we are seeking the Lord in all things and trying to discern where He's leading us.

The funny part was that he was explaining IUI to me. I was thinking, really, you think at this point I haven't read about all possible treatments and procedures?! I guess it is great that he is so thorough.

I did ask him about his opinion on the relativity of a lap at this point, since I know that is a go-to surgery for some readers. He said that he is old enough to remember when the lap surgery was a normal part of every infertility workup, but what they found was that making everyone have that surgery didn't change the course of treatment/action that much. He said that many times (especially for people who had normal regular (cycle days, bleeding, etc.) periods), they would find nothing during the surgery that would inhibit fertility, therefore putting the woman through an unecessary surgery. Even though it is an easy surgery, it is surgery nontheless. Based on my HSG results, there aren't any blockages in my tubes and my uterus looks normal and healthy (I know this isn't the focus of the HSG, but they can tell in general). I guess nothing is 100%, but he does not think that it is necessary at this point, and I couldn't agree more.

Another piece of great news is that my friend T just received word that they have been accepted by their agency to start the formal application process!!! They got 2 more letters of recommendation from her hubby's doctors that were very positive and supportive of their desire to become adoptive parents!! Praise God for His goodness!!

In other random news, I ordered my very first "fancy" license plate- a Choose Life one! I am so excited- my check to the DMV cleared yesterday, so my new plates should be on their way! Mr. A thinks I will get run off the road by crazies, but as I was driving to work the other week and keeping a keen eye out for special interest bumper stickers/license plates, I decided that if people are still driving around with stickers supporting a certain, um, presidential candidate, considering the state of the country's finances/potential new policies, I can certainly drive around with a license plate in favor of life in general!! I totally encourage everyone I know to have the courage to sign up for one, if your state has one available!!!

"Hangin' in the Rain..

Saturday, August 22, 2009

...I'm haaaaangin' in the rain! What a glorious feelin'! I'm happy again!!... "

(not that I was sad before...I just think it's such an upbeat song!)

Yep, for the first time since we started hanging our clothes outside to dry instead of electric-dryer drying them, just after I finished hanging up my first load, it started raining and hasn't stopped! Ha! I keep looking out the window and wavering if I should go rescue them. They are getting an extra clean rinse, right? We totally need this soaking rain, though....so I'm not really complaining. Not to mention, all three of our rain barrels are filled again!!

Nothing much else going on here today. I'm making french bread rolls in the breadmaker right now (i.e. I dumped all the ingredients into the bucket and pushed "start" about an hour ago, and the dough should be ready for shapingrising/baking in about 20 minutes), and we made 2 more containers of spaghetti sauce last night, using our own tomatoes, peppers, basil and oregano! Mr. A was Mr. Kitchen last night- at 8pm, he gets up and suggests we make the batches of spaghetti sauce...oh yah, and a CAKE, too! It has been so much fun to cook together lately- he has never shown such enthuasiasm for chopping and stirring, etc! I am so thankful for him! The one task he still isn't interested in is clean up.... haha!

I'm thinking I'll make up some meatballs for meatball subs for dinner....

Losing It

Friday, August 21, 2009

Keep in mind I'm 3dpo today. Back on Wednesday, when Mr. A was home for lunch, he turns from the kitchen table towards me as I made us some sandwiches, and asks expectantly (get it?) "Are you pregnant yet?" Ha! Isn't that the funniest joke you have heard in a while?! I cannot wait to announce to him that we're having a baby.

As I was surfing the net yesterday, I came across this website that allows you to make a virtual model of yourself...you can even try clothes on your virtual model! It is alot of fun!! You should try it, especially since it's Friday, and you know you're not concetrating on working... Here is my virtual model (you can even change the hairstyle- "mine" here is a ponytail..):
Pretty normal looking, right? WELL. About the same time, I came across one of those BMI calculators...guess what? I am technically 15 lbs overweight!!!!! I am fairly devastated. I mean, I know I am not a supermodel, but being in the "overweight" category just about kills me. (My number is 26.6, and anything above 25 is overweight...above 30 is obese...) So I go back to change my virtual model to the un-"overweight" weight...
I, for the life of me, can't see any difference.... but nevertheless, Mr. A and I are (supposedly) both about 15 lbs. overweight.

I know that 15 lbs isn't a huge amount (especially since I'm 5'8", so I guess the difference probably won't look as drastic as if I were shorter), but in an effort to be as healthy as possible, we're going to try to eat healthier and get some more exercise. I looked up losing 15 lbs on Dr. Goo.gle, and supposedly if I increase my exercise time by 20 minutes per day (and don't increase eating ice cream- the linchpin!!!), I should be able to trim 15 lbs in about 2 months? That seems a little fast for such little effort, so I am definitely not counting on it, but I'll try it. We're also starting to get our second round of "crops" from our garden (zucchini, tomatoes, green peppers, corn), so we'll be eating lots of fresh food coming up!! (Not to mention, I have already spent all our grocery budget for the month, so we'll have to make do with what I have in the freezer!! Luckily it's pretty well-stocked.)

If this losing all goes as planned, I could be 15 lbs slimmer by November...just in time to gain it back at Thanksgiving!!!

(PS. Mr. A, the awesome husband he is, passionately emphasizes that I am just fine as I am. Gotta love that!!)

(PPS. We don't have a bathroom scale, so figuring out the actual progress might be a little tricky...)

Thanks! And more...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wow, what humbling comments on my last post about the pregnancy center. You are awesome, and I am so glad that the simple things I was reflecting on encouraged or uplifted you!! Your thoughts inspired me to write a little more about it...

Several wrote that you thought it'd be hard to volunteer there while trying and praying (and begging!) to conceive. Way back in February when I was considering signing up for the training class at this non-denominational Christian pregnancy center, this was my biggest concern, too. I prayed alot about this fear of mine and really tried to discern where God was calling me to minister. After a couple days of praying, I got the sense that I should enroll in the training classes and that God would see me through, despite my fears. Even among the trainees and current volunteers (about 35 people total), I was THE.ONLY.ONE without kids and that stung the night I realized that. As I went through the training, I kept being astonished that God would be calling me to be His face to women coming to the pregnancy center. If it were up to only me, I doubt I could do it. But it's not only me. And God's ways are not my ways. Bonus!!!

God's ways include calling me to be an open vessel for His love, mercy, and compassion to be poured out to the women/girls who come to the center, even as I am on my knees praying that He would have mercy on my empty womb. Before each shift, the counselors gather together and we pray aloud. I pray that I will get out of my own way to let Jesus' message shine through. I pray that my words will be God's words and that whatever God has prepared the client to hear is what will comfort her. (And I pray silently after my turn is up that God will remove the chains of my IF while I am with a client...) And not that I am any angel, but as long as I let God do the talking, it is pretty painless for me. I haven't cried once, and usually on the way home, I instead find myself praying for whoever I saw that day, that the struggles they face will be lifted and washed away by our Lord, rather than being jealous. And that my friends, is ALL God. He has certainly sustained me when I would have certainly fallen on my own.

The fact that He gives me strength and words during my hours at the center is never as needed as when I'm counseling a client who's gone through abo.rtion(s) or who is considering one. A while back I had a client who'd had 5 abo.rtions, but was not considering that choice for her current pregnancy (praise God), and all I wanted to do was convey to her the healing mercy that Jesus offers. Of course on my own, I would have been simply speechless, angry, and aghast that God would choose to open this girl's womb again!! God speaks to me during these times:

"You can do all things in Me who strenthens you." (Phil 4:13)
"I am a shield for you who take refuge in Me." (Ps 18:30)

Yesterday, I kind of touched on the other way that God has really blessed me through volunteering. It is the recognition that everyone has crosses in this life. And since no cross is exactly alike, there are bound to be people we look at and wish we could have a certain part of their lives...but of course we don't want their crosses, either! The women who come into the center may have become pregnant easily while not even paying attention, but their cross might be being unemployed or unmarried or without safe housing. My friend who has a honeymoon baby was obviously fertile, but her tender new marriage has been put on the back burner while they cope with their new (somewhat unwanted) role as parents. Meanwhile, I have an awesome husband, a stable job, a warm home, and a graceful marriage. But no baby(s). The good thing is that God uses our crosses to bring us around to be more Christ-like. Our struggles are not in vain! For example...





We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot. Whatever your cross, whatever your pain, there will always be sunshine, after the rain.... Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall; But God's always ready, to answer your call.... He knows every heartache, sees every tear, a word from His lips, can calm every fear... Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night, But suddenly vanish, by dawn's early light... The Savior is waiting, somewhere above, to give you His grace, and send you His love. May God fill your day with blessings!! (Taken from an email I received)


I believe that God is using my cross of infertility to help me walk compassionately as a volunteer at the pregnancy center. If I had not been schooled in compassion and selflessness and give-up-your-wants-in-lieu-of-God's-plan over the past 2 years, I doubt I would be a very genuine peer counselor. I pray every day that He will continue to sustain me in my work there, and that He might also allow me to conceive our children soon so that I can teach my kids the magnitude of joy that comes with giving selflessly for only the benefit of others, even when you think it might hurt.

Be blessed today!!!

One Lovely Blog/Clomid 2ww

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


The rules of the “One Lovely Blog Award” are: Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 (I won't have 15 either!) other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Jen and callmemama nominated me for this award! Thanks girls! I definitely won't have 15 to nominate, and this is list is a compilation of blogs I've been reading for a while and new ones I just found :)

Here are my nominees!
Grace in my Heart (reading for a while- adoption/IF)
The Mac's (reading for a while- loss of a child/new pregnancy)
A Baby Maybe (new find! IF/treatments)
Tales of My Follies (new find! IF/treatments)
Life According to Leah (new find! adoption)
The Martin's (new find! miscarriage/IF)
Eggcetera (reading for a while- IF/treatments)

******

So assuming today is ovulation day, we now begin the clomid #3 2ww!! I do have high hopes for this cycle, but if not, I am also looking forward to talking with my RE on Monday, a month off in September, and a new course of action in October. We are praying that the Lord might see fit to bless us with our first baby(s) in May 2010 (this cycle)...or June....or July..... etc!!

Yesterday was a very busy day for me- work deadlines and volunteering and trying to figure out what is wrong with my car (Mr. A took care of this part though...but I was still preoccupied with it!). I know that, being a 2003 (bought in 2002), my car isn't a spring chicken, but come on!! I thought cars were supposed to last super long times these days!! Mr. A took it to the shop yesterday morning, and they changed a sensor and thought that would fix the problem, and it did for a while, but when I drove it to pick up some pizza for dinner last night, the service light came back on when I started it up. I have to drive up to work tomorrow night, so I am praying they can fix it for good today!!

Volunteering at the pregnancy center continues to be a great reward to me. I saw two clients yesterday, both positive tests. The one girl was 8.5 weeks along, so she also had an ultrasound. It is amazing to talk to the clients who become pregnant so easily with no prenatals, no coffee-avoiding, no alcohol-avoiding, no cigarette-avoiding (not that I've had to do this), no husband, no praying, no fertility monitor peeing, and no temp checking. It reinforces to me that God truly has a plan for each of us, no matter if we understand it or not, no matter if we are perfect or not, no matter if anyone else thinks we deserve it or not. HE is in control, and HE has great plans of joy for each of us, as long as we entrust our lives to Him. Even the times we are tearful are redeemed through Him. He uses all things for good!

It also helps me remember that I'm not the only one carrying a cross in this world. The clients sit across from me carrying their cross of being unexpectedly pregnant, while I sit across from them carrying my cross of longing to see my belly grow.

It is an encouragement to tame any envy that I feel- it's not like when you become pregnant your life falls right into order and a Pot.tery Barn nursery falls out of the sky. The girls/couples who come into our center are facing real hard life struggles, and it gives me an opportunity to intensively reflect on all the blessings I have been given in my life: an awesome husband, a good education, a good job, a nice house, stable finances, just to name a few!

Because my day was going to be so busy, I laid in bed yesterday morning praying to God to help me get through the day. It was very heavy on my heart that the only way I'd get through the day was with Jesus by my side. If I thought of everything that "I" had to do, I began to feel overwhelmed, but the instant I remembered that God would be with me, I felt calm! I praise God for his mercy and love that are new each morning.

I better sign off now- hope this wasn't too rambly :) I wavered between doing two separate posts, but I've been wanting to put up the Lovely Blog nominees and can't wait another day! :) You all have been so encouraging to me during my journey- including the new blogs I read- just reading your journeys has helped me to feel not alone!

It's Been a While

Monday, August 17, 2009

Oops, it has been several days since I last wrote. We have changed our cable TV situation, so we are watching more shows on the laptop lately, which means I can't clatter away in the evenings!!

I just got my peak this morning, have my normal pre-o mild headache, and thanks to the CVS brand of robitu.ssin, I have had pretty decent CM this time! Score ONE for the generic- I am usually a brand snob! We are making the most of it, too..haha.

My friend K has her HSG on Friday, so keep her in your prayers!!

I will do my best to update more intelligently tomorrow morning- today has been super busy.

8x8

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The non-housewife wife tagged me, oh, a while ago, and I choose to do the 8x8! I should have done it before now...


The Rules:
Mentioned who tagged you: see above
Complete the list of 8’s
Tag 8 people

8 Things I'm looking forward to:
  1. Seeing Mr. A hold our children
  2. Fall
  3. Being pregnant/having kids at Christmas-time
  4. The day we sell our rental property
  5. Morning Sickness (hehe)
  6. When all my flowerbeds behave
  7. Retirement!
  8. Eating homegrown corn on the cob
8 Things I did yesterday:
  1. Took Banana on our normal walks
  2. Went to a winery with my sister
  3. Celebrated country life by going to the county fair's Demolition Derby!!
  4. Worked from home
  5. Made homemade onion bagels
  6. Picked more zucchini and roma tomatoes from the garden
  7. Floated around in the pool
  8. Ate ice cream at 9:45 pm
8 Things I wish I could do:
  1. Have our first baby(s) in May 2010
  2. Stay on top of the floor-mopping situation
  3. Make frosting from scratch
  4. Convince Mr. A to like flavored brewed coffee
  5. Win the lottery
  6. Go 80 or 85mph on the highway (legally)
  7. Be one of the 45% of people who are successful after 3 rounds of clomid
  8. Buy a black Rang.e Rover
8 Shows I watch:
  1. Dancing with the Stars
  2. The Office
  3. The Next Food Network Star
  4. House Hunters
  5. Everyday Itallian
  6. Seinfeld
  7. Wheel of Fortune
  8. Barefoot Contessa
8 Favorite Fruits:
  1. Raspberry
  2. Strawberry
  3. Sour Cherry
  4. Pineapple
  5. Cantelope
  6. Watermelon
  7. Apple
  8. Plum
8 Places I'd like to Travel:
  1. Grand Canyon
  2. Wyoming Rockies
  3. Italy
  4. Hawaii
  5. Alaska
  6. Australia
  7. Denmark
  8. The Carribean
(I'm leaving off "8 Places I've Lived" in the interest of anonymity.)

8 Folks I'm Tagging:
  1. Baby Hungry
  2. Hoping in Houston
  3. Being Infertile
  4. Making Me Mom
  5. Barren and Believing
  6. Day by Day
  7. The Pifer Family
  8. The Potter Family
I also got tagged again recently by two lovely people- more on that tag tomorrow!