Where does the time go?

Alot of times, it is hard for me to fully comprehend how much my life has changed in the last 6 weeks. Last October and November were full of very hard infertile days. How is it possible that my days this October and November are full of time with our baby?

I feel so lucky and blessed it is completely impossible to put into words. Last year there were so many days when I honestly doubted we would ever be parents.

I wish there was an app for real time blogging that I could plug into my brain because there is so much I want to write about. I don't know where the time goes anymore....

Everything is going well here. We are now exclusively breastfeeding (thanks to the nipple shield), we are getting the hang of our new dinnertime, and we are drinking in every moment with our daughter. I know I keep saying it, but it is so hard to believe that she is here, after everything we went through that didn't work.

For all of you who are still waiting, I think of you all.the.time. I pray that your arms won't be empty for much longer. I never thought that my arms would be filled, so don't give up hope.

(Edited to add: I just updated my blogroll. I don't know who is reading anymore (any active ttc'ers?), but I am amazed at how many people are now in my Baby Bump and Parents sections. Every single one of them (you?) is an infertility survivor. It seems like not so long ago where we were in the trenches of trying, of treatments, or of adoption. My prayer tonight is that the way that God has grown each of our families will give hope to those who are still waiting for their families to grow!)

Some humor

Last night, I had made Asian Chicken in the crock pot, and luckily it was all ready to go because Maryanne was hungry when we were! So I was over in the armchair feeding her while Mr. A was eating and reading the comics. All of a sudden, he burst into hilarious laughter. He brought the paper over to me so I could see this comic:

Dinner, Interrupted

So I find I am struggling in one area. Well, it is an adjustment for both Mr. A and I, but I feel responsible, even if that's not really true.

Dinnertime used to be part of our day we looked forward to- it was when we sat together and read the paper and talked about our days and other random things. I never used to do much prep work prior to getting home from walking the dogs (630ish), but somehow I still managed to cook a meal from scratch by 7 or 730 at the latest on most days.

Now, after we get home from walking the pups, it seems like there is a black hole for the escape-ment (is that a word?) of all time and order. Maryanne inevitably needs feeding or just to be held, which we are so thankful that she is here and needing our attention; it is a huge change from dinnertime routine we've been used to for the last 9 years. I can't for the life of me get my butt in gear to cook like I used to (yet), and as ungrateful as it sounds, the meals that have been brought to us have been kind of disappointing, as far as flavor and quality go.

I think I am doing pretty good as a mom, but I can't shake the guilt that I'm failing as a wife.

Mr. A tries hard to be patient and understanding, but it's just who he is- let his blood sugar drop below a certain level, and even if you try your hardest to gussy-up the weird looking roasted chicken someone brought you and make it into chicken salad and put it on a sad looking kaiser roll (because even though you have bread, you a worried that the mouse went in the toaster, so you are on a toaster boycott), he is not going to be able to veil his disgust.

Which will make you feel like crap because you couldn't come up with a better dinner.

I am not posting this to complain about his reaction to dinnertime lately (so please don't everyone leave comments that he's a jerk or something- he is an amazing husband and dad to our little girl- no one is perfect!), I am posting it to ask for help and advice on how other people make dinnertime calm and peaceful and successful as far as the atmosphere, and as far as quickly getting decent meals on the table for their family.

Two words-

Nipple Shield.

Changed my life. And Maryanne's.

On Tuesday, one of my friends from childbirth class suggested I try a nipple shield to try to help Maryanne stay latched (her baby had the same issue of not wanting to stay latched). I went and bought one yesterday.

Um. Why didn't I try this before?!?!?!

We have been using it for feedings ever since I got home from Target with this blessed piece of plastic, and since midnight, she has taken the bulk of her feedings right from the breast, with only a few ounces of milk from a bottle over night, and none from the bottle since 8am this morning.

It's amazing!! After all this time (as if almost one month is alot of time), I can't believe we actually might get the breastfeeding thing down. I thought for sure ours was a lost cause! I hope it continues to go as well as it's gone today...

I know that alot of literature says that nipple shields shouldn't be a permanent solution, but from what I've read, it is more desirable to have a baby breastfeed with a nipple shield than not at all. (Not sure if "they" assume the alternative is formula, which in our case it wouldn't be since I have pumped milk.) Speaking of pumping, I haven't been pumping as much in the last 24 hours because I want there to be milk in the source when she tries to feed, so I don't have as much pumped milk in the fridge. I guess I shouldn't be too worried since it seems like she is getting enough from breastfeeding (wet/dirty diapers have remained steady, and she doesn't seem hungry after feeding)? It is kind of a paradigm shift from even 3 days ago when I pumped her entire diet!

A picture

Hi again :) I know I said I'd post more, but I am still figuring out how to do actual things (e.g., have friends over, go to the store, make copious amounts of baked goods for Mr. A) in between taking care of M. She is such a good baby, and already on a generally predictable schedule, but especially since I'm pumping all her milk, sometimes the free chunks of the day don't line up well with what she needs.

But for your viewing pleasure, here is a picture of our little girl. (Okay, so it's not even a full face shot, but I'm not convinced that we want her photos all over the web...) She is so precious to us, and we are so grateful for the chance to be her parents.


In other gross news, there is a fieldmouse in our house. EW. Totally creeps me out. But we seem to have gotten one every fall that we have lived here. I guess it comes with the territory of living in a rural area and having it get cold outside. Sorry to say, but I hope this creature's days are numbered....