Myth: IVF Always Works

Friday, April 29, 2011

In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, I am choosing to address the myth that "all" infertile couples have to do is IVF and that it is a sure solution to their childlessness.

If you aren't familiar with our story, last March/April we went through a cancelled IVF cycle, and in April/May, we went through an IVF cycle but lost our one embryo.

So, long story short, IVF does not always work. Myth busted.

And as a result, it really bugs me when people who are uneducated about the IVF process go around perpetuating the myth that IVF itself is a sure-fire way to make babies and that it is an easy no-risk solution to getting a baby (and, on the flip side, that people who don't choose to do IVF have a harder time dealing with infertility).

Let's start with the first sub-myth, that IVF itself makes the babies and so if you do IVF, you will definitely have a baby. Here is what normal America fails to realize: there are some pretty smart people in charge of the eggs and sperm in the IVF lab, but news flash, they are not GOD, who is the creator of all things. Those doctors can mix your eggs and his sperm, but they cannot FORCE fertilization. Those doctors can even inject the sperm into the egg, but they still cannot FORCE fertilization. There is nothing they can do to "make" embryos and certainly nothing they can do to cause the embryos to grow and divide. Because that is up to God, whom they are not. (Even if you think for the amount you are paying for a given cycle, they should be.) And that is the reason why IVF is not a sure thing: as much as science would love to claim that IT can make babies, that is up to God, who cannot be put in a box or scrunched into a statistic. He has a plan for each of us, and that plan does not guarantee each couple, who pin their hopes and dreams on IVF, a precious child from that treatment. Of course He allows many beautiful children to come into the world through that avenue, but it will not be that way for everyone. It is the same concept that chemotherapy does not cure everyone's cancer. Science would like to say that the chances of recovery are good, but they are not guaranteed.

But because everyone thinks IVF is a sure science thing, that leads them to think that IVF is an easy option to elect. And some go so far as to say that if you choose NOT to try IVF, your cross of infertility is heavier than someone's who has tried IVF.


I challenge people who perpetuate these sub-myths to educate themselves before blurting out such nonsense, and maybe do a survey of IVF veterans. I guarantee them that ZERO percent of couples who have gone through IVF (even if theirs worked) will say that it was easy. I guarantee that ZERO percent of couples who have gone through IVF will say that the think their infertility journey would have been harder than if they hadn't tried IVF.

There is NOTHING easy about IVF. It is not easy to clear off enough space on your dining room table for the meds, syringes, sharp boxes, and alcohol pads you will go through during your cycle. It is not easy to explain to your boss why you have to randomly leave work at weird times every other day or come in late sometimes. It is not easy to schedule your activities on your injection times. It is not easy to schlep yourself to ultrasounds and bloodwork nearly every day to check on your progress, even if your progress is good. It is not easy to write a check for an amount that would nearly buy you a small car (because chances are your insurance won't cover IVF, even though it will cover plastic surgery) and hand it to someone who can't guarantee that your money will have anything to show for it (see above). It is not easy to cry on your husband's shoulder when you worry that all of the meds, appointments, sacrifices, and treatments will be for nothing. It is not easy when you wake up from egg retrieval and have to brace yourself for how many eggs the doctor found. It is not easy to be at home, wondering if any eggs have fertilized and longing for them to be healthy. It is not easy to see your RE's name pop up on the caller ID the next day and tell you how many embryos are growing (even if there are several). It is not easy to know that after your embryo has been transferred back within you that there is nothing else you can do to help this little one find a spot to snuggle in and continue to grow. It is not easy to know in your head that all your symptoms could be from the medications but want to believe in your heart that they are because the embryo has implanted. It is not easy to sleep the night before your beta. It is not easy to see some spotting and convince yourself that it is implantation, while you know it likely is not. And it is not easy to see that the nurse is calling to tell you the results of your beta blood test (especially, in my experience, when the result is negative).

Even if a person's first IVF is wildly successful and they give birth to a healthy baby (or more) 9 months later, I guarantee the rest of the planet that their journey was not easy. The emotional cost of IVF is just as much, if not more, than the dollar cost. They still worried and dealt with insecurity and anxiety and uncertainty. There is no way you can go through that process and come out on the other side (positive or negative) and look back and conclude that it was an easy time, as if it was like getting a haircut.

Because everyone who gets close enough to really learn about IVF knows that there is no guarantee that there will be a healthy baby at the end of the IVF road. And that in itself makes it an incredible difficult path to take.

Which leads me to my final sub-myth: that people who choose not to try IVF have a harder time shouldering infertility than those who do try it. Any way you slice it, infertility is a journey in the dark. We are all in the blackest of pits, clamoring for a handhold that we can grab to hoist ourselves into the light. The infertility pit is equal-opportunity. It does not distinguish those who are pursuing modern treatments from those who aren't. We are side by side, and we are all reaching up into the unknown, trying to find our way. It pains me to hear this sub-myth because all of us in the pit SHOULD be hoping that we all get out eventually, no matter which handhold we find. One person should not be pointing to the handhold they are eyeing and tell everyone else that that particular handhold is better than the ones everyone else is reaching for. God has placed a different and unique handhold for everyone, and none is better than another.

Because nothing on Earth can ever guarantee us a child. IVF does not always work, no matter what people think. IVF is not the easy way out, nor does it make the infertility journey any less thorny.

What does always work is believing that God has a plan and will redeem your infertility struggle. I am living proof of that truth!

Of course to find out more about infertility you can go here, and my thanks to RESOLVE for sponsoring this week dedicated to increasing exposure and education about infertility.

Fly By

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Hi bloggie buddies :) I have missed you this week, but my sister is here visiting, and I haven't had time or energy to compose a legitimate post! And I want to make my NIAW post a good one :) Sis is leaving this morning, so stay tuned tomorrow for my entry to the week's festivities :)

Praying for all of you who are stimming and those of you waiting patiently (as much as possible) in the 2ww (HUG).

Food on Friday

Friday, April 22, 2011

Today's topic is protein.

We had a checkup this morning, and baby sounds healthy and uterus is where it should be. We are so thankful for this baby!! According to the scale, I have lost 2 pounds in the last 4 weeks! What?! It was a different scale than the first two times, so I'm not sure how much that plays into it, but I am just glad I didn't gain a ton. My appetite has not really ramped up to where I have/want to eat constantly, and what I eat is pretty healthy (I'm not craving double cheeseburgers or anything), so I guess I shouldn't be that worried, but it is so odd that I have a little baby belly and didn't gain any weight. I have now met all three midwives, and I like two of them better than the one, but I feel like they are all very competent and supportive and encouraging, and I would feel in good care if any of them were with me when this little one arrives.

The one "thing of note" is that my blood pressure went from 124/72 (normalish for me) to 130/80. The girl who took it was really fast, and she didn't have me roll up my sleeve, so I'm not sure if there would be any error because of that...and they are not necessarily saying it's a problem, but that they will just keep an eye on it since it went up.

But they said to help keep blood pressure in check, eat lots of protein (70g per day while pregnant?!) and drink lots of water. I am already drinking 64oz per day (I fill up my nalgene bottle twice a day), and I honestly don't know how I could drink much more!!! But I will try. And as far as protein, I probably don't get 70 grams on a daily basis. I definitely get some, but probably more like 30-40 grams depending on what we have for dinner. So I definitely will try to keep better track of that and up my protein intake.

How do you make sure you have enough protein? Happy Friday!!

High and Low

Thursday, April 21, 2011

I'll start with the low: my grandma (the precious, small, cute, (fragile) kind) has not been feeling well and had surgery yesterday wherein they found a cancerous tumor in her colon/intestine. Four (including my dad) out of the five of her kids do not want to pursue chemo, as she is 86 and is fragile anyway, and chemo is tough on swarthy 60 year old's. While I tend to agree, I can't imagine how hard it would be to just not try to help her get better. My mom's family had to deal with this last year after my grandpa's diagnosis of mesothelioma. Praying our baby will bring a much needed ray of life to our families who have had quite a rough last 12 months of losing loved ones and sick loved ones. Prayers for my grandma and everyone who loves her are much appreciated :)

And I'll end with the high: Yesterday Carlia honored me for her Wednesday series "Hero Humpday"! I was very humbled to have been nominated, and I continue to hope that our journey inspires each of you to keep on keepin' on as you long to fill your home with a little one. There are definitely humps to get over, and I am just glad to be a part of this community which encourages each of us to tackle the hump and continue to put one foot in front of the other!!

Attack of the Nachos (UPDATED!)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

You never thought nachos were the predator-type, did you? You just think they are a tasty pile of chips and toppings.

Well, apparently they do have a mean streak and had it out for a chunk of one of my MOLARS. Yes, you are correct. After finishing dinner last night, I felt something rough "in" my tooth, so I went about trying to free it, and when I couldn't and looked in the mirror for help, I saw that some of my tooth was gone!


I guess a benign way of putting it is that I "chipped a tooth" which sounds way more playful and normal than "my tooth broke" or "a chunk of my molar fell off" which sounds like it only happens to people of backwoods status. (I say that with a glut of hilarity, as we totally live in the middle of nowhere farm country!!)

I called my dentist this morning just to see when they opened, and what do you know, the dentist himself answered the phone at 7am. I told him I don't want novocaine or xrays on the account of being pregnant, and he seemed totally agreeable to that and suggested I come in at 10am today and they will see what they can do. (It doesn't hurt, luckily, so I am not feeling any huge rush, but I know it is important that it's looked at.)

This is the dentist we went to at the end of November whose nurse said that kids would come soon enough. Maybe she should get in the business of fortune telling....

UPDATE! Guess what, it was just an old filling that fell out!! WHEWWWWWW!!! Cue major sigh of relief. He said there is no decay so he put some sealant on top, and said it will be fine for now, but eventually I might have to get a crown for it. I'll take it! I was in and out of his office in 20 minutes. Love this dentist!!! Thank you for all your support!

Spring Gardening

Monday, April 18, 2011

Time for some spring gardening! I would post pictures, but I can't find our camera cord :( They sell HDM.I to U.SB cords at Sh.ack, don't they?

I am all of a sudden really concerned about the state of the flower and vegetable beds. Yesterday after church I worked a couple hours of overtime, and then, at 430pm, I decided I needed to go buy a blueberry bush. And also that we needed to make a trellis for our blackberry bush and also some of the raspberry bush could use some staking up. Clearly all of these things were critical to accomplish last night ;-)

And even though I am sure he thought I was crazy, and I know he thought I was being fussy (he may have told me so, haha), Mr. A dutifully went to the hardware store and got some materials for the trellis while I went to pick out our new fruit bush.

So after we walked the dogs, he put up a trellis so that all the blackberry bush "arms" are off the ground and planted/mulched the blueberry bush and staked up the errant raspberry stalks.

What a man. (Except I should note that I thought making a trellis was way more complicated/man-necessary than it actually was. I thought it involved digging post holes or something. I am way more the gardener than Mr. A, so if I knew it was as "easy" as it was, I could have done it myself!)

In case you haven't figured out, we love our fruit bushes!!!

And this morning, I planted a beautiful royal blue new perennial in the bed next to our front door and two more black eyed susans next to our pool pump, which has every year succumbed to the worst weed invasion I have ever seen. Black eyed susans are notorious for being aggressive growers, and I am hoping they win the weed battle this year.

Also this morning I transplanted 5 raspberry stalks- that were growing a tad too close to the air conditioner unit- to their new home next to where we plant pumpkins and cantelopes in the summer. I hope they like it there!

ALSO this morning I planted a row each of sugar snap peas, bibb lettuce, and spinach in our veggie garden.

I have some more things on my list of spring gardening, and I'm hoping that if I do a few small tasks each day, our flowers will take care of themselves this summer and that next year's spring is really beautiful when they come up again (I only do perennials- no use in buying new flowers every year!)!! Next on the list is a trip to the Farmer's Market on Saturday to see what kind of veggie plants they have!!

lazy saturday

Saturday, April 16, 2011

it is pouring outside. we made a big breakfast of pancakes and bacon, and now mr. a is out doing some errands. i am curled up on the couch with my pups doing some web surfing. the kitchen is strewn with an open bag of pancake mix, an empty coffee carafe, a dirty griddle and fo.reman (where we cook our bacon), and there is a myriad of bowls and measuring cups in the sink. i just got up to clean everything up and get started on the laundry and some general cleaning.

but i had to sit back down; it is so cozy on the couch. i could take a nap in 45 seconds....

anyone want to clean my house today? i promise you can stay for dinner (i'm planning on making a pizza- homemade dough is already thawing...)..

2 years old

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Today, this little corner of the web is turning two years old!

It is hard to believe that I have been writing "that long" and also how different our journey has been compared to what I thought it would be in my first post.

And as I said last year on this occasion, I have grown alot on this journey. We have prayerfully considered each step we took and only moved forward when we felt like it was the right thing for us. Compared to my opinions in April 2009, many of our steps (IUI, IVF) were ones I never thought we'd consider, much less try multiple times each. But that is what infertility does to you- it makes you step out in faith that God is going to lead you. You might be going in a direction you never thought you would, and that is okay. That is why we pride ourselves on being resilient and passionate and educated and strong. That is why we can, at the same time, handle being broken and sad and weary and alone.

The last sentence of last year's post is "Time to dream big!!". We'd just had our first IVF cycle cancelled, and I somehow had the gall to say that in April 2011 I'd like to be shopping for baby outfits. Little did I know that God would bless us with one embryo in our next IVF cycle, but that that embryo would not stay with us.

I think last April I was only dreaming big about what I could see in that near future. A new shot at IVF. I had no idea how big the dream was that God was going to fulfill. Because really, after you have an IVF cycle cancelled or failed, you pretty tell yourself that you are screwed as far as natural conception. You just paid a team of highly-educated people an extraordinary amount of money to undertake extremely technical steps so that your chance of becoming pregnant is twice what the normal person's would be. And while I believe that GOD is the one who allows embryos to be CREATED and allows those embryos to GROW, if your $15k payment to modern science doesn't bring you two pink lines, your hope level just took a plunge.

I could have never dreamed last April that, after deciding two months later to forego any more medication or treatments and just focus on eating organic/healthy and taking a holistic approach to improving natural fertility, we would conceive a baby on our own in early 2011.

God's plan for our family was bigger than what I could have dreamed. And when everyone used to tell me that, I would sort of brush it off- did they know what a great imagination I had and how long I'd been cooking up my perfect vision of how our family would grow? I had some pretty amazing dreams.

So I know you have a great imagination, but trust me, how God expands your family will blow you away. Let Him work good from whatever bad is trying to eat at your heart today.

So while I'm not shopping for spring outfits for our baby as I so boldly predicted I'd be, I am shopping for spring outfits in the maternity section. I really can't believe it some days, but those days I feel God saying to me, "Believe it, sister!". ;-)

So here is my message for this blogoversary: BELIEVE IT. God's plan for your family might not be exactly how you thought it would be, but BELIEVE that it is going to be awesome!!

Pregnancy after Infertility: Motto

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

(Thanks for the feedback yesterday :) My in-law's are generally very nice and we get along pretty well, but I am learning as I "grow up" that I definitely have some differences from them, and the biggest thing I do not appreciate is their being passive aggressive about many things. I guess it is just something I need to accept and start figuring out how I can relate the best possible way!)

Yesterday, I received a new issue of one of my favorite magazines. In one of the first ad pages, there is a two-page spread for a car whose brand has been through the ringer. And while I don't care so much about the car or the revitalization of the brand, the whole first page's bold all-caps words struck me in a big way:


And that, my friends, is the pregnancy (and parenting!) after infertility (PAI) motto.

Sure, other (fertile) people enjoy heaven (pregnancy), too. But they don't know what hell is like. They have not grovelled and cried until they have no more tears and despaired at their seemingly lifelong sentence of sadness. They have not seen all their friends go cruising up to heaven while they are confined in loneliness. They just decide one day, hey, I'd like to go to heaven, and on up they go. And when they get there and there is one less rainbow than they expected, they get all frustrated and take it up with the management.

But not infertiles who are blessed with a baby. From the moment you start to leave hell, you are all of a sudden scared. You have gotten used to hell: you have steeled yourself against disappointment, you have learned to expect the worst, and you have lost all hope except for the tiny seed of it that continues to somehow hold on in your heart. As you start towards heaven, you look back at all the friends you've made there, friends who understand what it's like to melt into a pool of tears and friends who have lent their shoulder for you to lean on when it takes too much to stand. You totally wish you could grab them all up in your arms and bring them with you, as you don't want them to suffer anymore either.

You get to heaven, and it is unimaginable. You had always dreamed of heaven, and now that you are there, you can hardly believe it. You pray constantly that you will be able to stay in heaven, because while you were at first scared to leave hell, now you are scared to return there. You see all the beauty, all the awesome things there, and because you spent so much time in the muck, these things are just amazingly healing for your soul. But you notice that some people in heaven think the rainbows should be brighter, the clouds should be cushier, and the flowers more plentiful. You can't understand how they could possibly complain about heaven, and because of that, you can never quite bond with them like they seem to bond with each other. Each day in heaven is so precious to you, and you can never stop being thankful, so grateful for the opportunity to appreciate this beautiful place in such a deep way.

To my friends who are still in hell, know that I am praying for you and longing for you to join me (HUG)

In-law's (v. 2.0)

Monday, April 11, 2011

I don't know if you remember this post, but things have not improved. I sent out new u/s pictures last Monday , and I heard NOTHING from MIL until I specifically emailed her again on Wednesday to "make sure she got them". And then when she emailed back she said she had looked at them a couple of times and could maybe make out a body part or two. Hmph. And also, I should note that there were NO exclamation points. I have been known to use exclamation points a little too extravagantly, but STILL. Would it kill her to use just ONE?

Mr. A emailed her almost at the same time on Wednesday to ask if she had gotten the pictures (because I was complaining to him the night before about her complete lack of response), and she responded to him that she is just really busy from 9-4 and is exhausted when she gets home.

Which to me is a lame excuse. We all work full time. The people who respond with evident excitement do not all sit on the couch all day eating bonb.on's.

I will say again that I don't expect everyone to be falling over themselves with excitement, but I am definitely disappointed and feel a little neglected when it comes to her response. Maybe that is irrational and it is entirely reasonable that maybe my expectations were too high. But for the first grandchild, I thought for sure there would be more exclamation points.

I think that she has maybe realized that her response has been lackluster, because she called our house on Saturday morning and told Mr. A that she was thinking of making me some maternity tops and what was my size? Ironically, I had left at 8am for a nearby city to go shopping for maternity clothes with my aunt and cousin for the weekend. Maybe if she was more interested, she would have known that.

But I give her credit (I suppose) for taking this step, and hopefully the patterns she is considering are cute. (And I got some really cute things this weekend....I think my maternity wardrobe is way more stylish than my normal one- hopefully I will get pregnant again right away. HAAAAAAA. Joke of the century.)

But there has surfaced a new in-law issue this morning. My sister is visiting us and our other sister in a few weeks! She is coming on Good Friday and staying the whole next week :) The three of us girls had planned on going to church together on Easter (with hubbies) and then hosting brunch at our house.

My inlaw's don't go to church. My MIL raised her boys in her childhood denomination, and my FIL never really went with them. (I think he now regrets not being a more prominent spiritual leader of their family.) She then decided it was too much of a pain to go (and she disagreed with some of the current events within the denomination), so she stopped going once her boys were out of high school. What kind of message does that send to your family? To me, that says that she doesn't feel like church/spirituality is all that important. Luckily, it IS important to Mr. A and I, but neither of his brothers have continued going on a very regular basis.

So as you may imagine, there is nothing spiritual about their Christmas or Easter celebrations. Even if we hadn't already made plans with my sisters for this Easter, there is NO WAY ON EARTH I am missing the chance to worship this Easter. (However, if I'm being honest, I have a midwife appointment on Good Friday, and there is the tiniest voice saying "What if it is bad news?" Depart from me, Satan!!!)

But today they emailed that they wondered if we could get together for Easter lunch?

Of course this is just for show in my opinion. They do it because everyone else is getting together with their families, but they don't want to acknowledge that everyone else is getting together after getting all spiffed up in pretty dresses and new suits to go to Easter church to celebrate. (Okay, maybe not everyone. But chances are, even if you are not a regular church go-er, you go on Easter.) (And, if God is not a part of your life, I don't mean any offense to you, but I would encourage you to find out the Christian meaning of Easter and what it might mean to celebrate it instead of celebrating chocolate bunnies!)

We emailed that we had previous plans, and so did one of Mr. A's other brothers (going to see his girlfriend, and presumably to attend church with her family). Whew, at least we aren't the only ones.

But the funny thing is that I think they are surprised when their kids don't automatically assume we will all be together for spiritual celebrations/events. In my opinion, they have no place to be surprised because they don't set an example that it is important to them.

I know this is kind of rambly, but I was very frustrated about all of this this morning. The tone of their emails was to the tune of "What do you mean you have other plans in the morning on Easter?", and I didn't appreciate being made to feel guilty about it. Luckily, we agreed to have a "delayed Easter" the week afterwards, but we might as well just call it what it is: us going to have dinner with them. There may be chocolate eggs and jelly beans, but there won't be anything mentioned about the real reason for it all.

Responses are In!

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Yesterday, I told (emailed) my college "friends" about our baby...

Here are the results:

Friend #1: Had her baby girl yesterday (second child). She has known about the baby for several weeks and although she says the wrong thing alot, she really tries. I give her a pass for not responding- although she did text me she got the email before she went into labor! A+ for effort :)

Friend #2: She has been supportive all along and has known about the baby for a while, so although I didn't hear from her yesterday, it's no news to her, so she also gets a pass.

Friend #3: She has not emailed me since the summer, even when her son was born in the fall, even though I specifically sent her a congratulations email when I found out from another friend. And she especially said nothing when I emailed of our struggle. Here is what she wrote:

{You two}! Congratulations!! What wonderful news - thanks so much for sharing! :D I know you both must be over-the-moon excited. Take care of yourself, and feel free to ask any questions!
We will keep you in our prayers - hope you are starting to feel better!

Okay, she gets an F for being supportive through the struggle, but I think I give her an A for effort at this point, so I think her overall grade will be a B-. I scoffed a tiny bit at the notion that she knows so much about being a mom and I know nothing so I should ask questions, but maybe I don't know everything. Haha.

Friend #4: I have not heard from her since she blanket emailed last spring 3 weeks after her daughter was born. Seriously, I don't even know why I copy her on these emails anymore.

Friend #5: THE INSTIGATOR!!! I must have checked my email 200 times yesterday morning to see if she had responded. See, I have all the fertile emails go to a special folder that doesn't get checked by my phone so I have to manually check this folder. (Yes, that was my coping mechanism the last 4 years...) Luckily, she did respond and it is plenty of blog material. Here is what she wrote:

Oh {A}! Congratulations! We're so happy for you!
I know that through my silence I've been seemingly less than supportive but I've been thinking of you a lot over the last several months. I really can't tell you how happy I am that your dream is finally coming true.
I can't expect that you don't already know that I too am pregnant and due at the end of the month. At first, I was too stunned by your reaction to {friend's} news to want to follow her just a few weeks later with the same news which was a bit selfish on my part and then it just became very awkward. I've thought about telling you many times (including drafting an e-mail just last week) but never could decide the correct way or time or words and for that I'm truly sorry.

Hopefully, you'll follow typical trends and the nausea and insomnia will start to subside for you in the coming weeks. I didn't actually believe {the other girls} that it would happen but it eventually did.
I hope that things continue to progress well for you and everyone stays healthy and I'll be thinking and praying for you all that they do.

{friend #5}
P.S. I like that you get to continue the trend of one or more of the 8 of us being pregnant all the time which I know has been hard for you over the years but you get to be the one to keep it going. Kind of exciting!

I can't wait to hear your reactions!!! Here are mine:
  • "seemingly less than supportive but I've been thinking of you": Um. Look, support is perceived by the person in the struggle, and if you have just been thinking of me and I have no idea, there is no way I know what you are thinking, and so you have definitely been the complete opposite of supportive, as far as I am concerned. None of this "seemingly" crap.
  • "can't expect you don't already know": HAAAAAA. How lame do you have to be to know that someone else knows your "secret" and not fess up yourself? I mean, come on.
  • "too stunned by your reaction": Oh, so it's my fault that you didn't tell me? Of course it is! And what reaction? My email, while it may have followed someone else's pregnancy announcement was just another announcement of the less happy kind. Don't blame this on me, missy.
  • "a bit selfish on my part": I am not sure I understand what this means. Not to mention, you DID tell everyone else a week later even though I'd asked to be included, so I don't even know why it matters if it was selfish or not. And really, I don't think it was selfish- you got pregnant when you did, and it was just bad timing, relative to the fact that I just told all of them about our struggle.
  • "then it just became very awkward": YA THINK?
  • "could never decide the correct way or time or words": Let's see, how about when you told everyone else by email and maybe words like "we have been blessed with the gift of a child". Or something.
  • "I'm truly sorry": I am not totally convinced.
  • "hopefully nausea and insomnia will subside": Maybe they will and maybe they won't, but as I wrote in my email yesterday, I have treasured feeling this way. I don't care if I'm uncomfortable the entire time- this journey and this baby are such blessings and there is no WAY I'm complaining!
  • "one of us always being pregnant": Yep, you read that right- for the last almost 4 years, at least one of them has been pregnant at any given day of the year. And lucky for me I get to continue the competition!! OH GOODY. Somehow, I just don't see the excitement of being involved in this running tally.
She gets an F---- for being supportive, and this email gets a C. Too many insinuations that her predicament is my fault, and not enough apologetic begging. Hahahaha. I hope her baby gets here fine, but other than that she is not going to be on speed dial (nor was she ever)....

Friend #6: She has not responded. I think hers will also be good blog material because she is the one who told me not to push the others away just because they had kids and I didn't. Which was obviously not what I was doing, and I was really taken aback by her admonishing. Will keep you posted....

Friend #7: (Now engaged!!!! Congrats, H!!) She has known about the baby since the day after the BFP, and she is AWESOME. Here is what she wrote:

Yay! Good email!

A+ friend, all around :)


Okay! Let me know your reactions!!!

Responses pending....

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

I emailed my college "friends" about our baby this morning. No one has responded yet (I know, it has only been 2 hours....). I don't know what to expect more- no one to respond, for them to say hilariously insensitive fertile blathering, or for them to pretend like we have all been having heart-to-heart phone conversations once a week for the last 4 years.....

I will keep you posted. I am expecting that whatever their responses are, it will at least provide good blog material!!!

Ultrasound Today (updated with pics)

Monday, April 04, 2011

We're going today at 1:30 to the pregnancy center where I used to be a volunteer counselor to be a "practice" client for the nurses who do the ultrasounds :)

Everyone who is fertile tells me "Oh, I just LOVED ultrasounds! I was so excited to see the baby again! I looked forward to them for weeks!"

And while I do look forward to them for weeks, and as much as I am excited to see our baby's heart beating once I'm there, the main emotion I associate with them beforehand is nervousness.

So far, there have been no indications that this baby and pregnancy is anything but totally healthy, and I have alot of confidence and faith that everything will continue that way. But ultrasounds (and even regular heartbeat-hearing appointments now) are scary!

It is like if you were on injectables and so far all your follicle scans had shown a wonderful amount of ripe, plump, perfect follicles, and you were going again today to see them again. Maybe I am just tarnished by awful follicle checks, but isn't there some worry in everyone's mind that their beautiful follies have somehow vanished into thin air?

I pray all the time for the health of our little one, and this morning's prayers were no different: I pray that we'll be able to see a wiggly baby with a perfect heartbeat. I will be sure to post pictures when I get home in the ultrasound section to the right. Thank you for praying for us!!

UPDATED to say that baby looks great! Long legs and very stretched out and kicking up a storm (I can't feel it yet). Heartbeat of 154 and measuring 14w :) PRAISE GOD!! Pictures are in the Ultrasound link to the right :) Thank you all for your prayers :)

"Fresh" Air Makes Me Sick

Saturday, April 02, 2011

Yesterday, our across the street neighbors had their yard treated with some kind of super chemical fertilizer treatment. Not just the granular kind you spread with the green rotater thingy. Like sprayed to the max and smellable from miles away.

This morning at 7:30am, I stepped out the front door with Banana and Bert to go on our morning walk, and the smell of their chemicalled-yard hit me smack in the face. I thought, it's alright, I'll just walk past their house and it'll be fine.

I got 20 yards past their house and knew it would not be fine...

I could have turned around and woken Mr. A up and had him walk them. But I look forward to my morning walk as much as the pups do.

So what else could I do? I tossed some cookies in the middle of the road (luckily the dogs just waited patiently for me to finish), and on we went. It was a beautiful morning and ended up being a really nice walk!

Time for some work in the yard today!