F is for Fertile Friend

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

So I was really proud of myself: At our last childbirth prep class last week, I asked two of the girls who we'd sat next to the whole month (with their hubbies) if they wanted to exchange emails.

I hemmed and hawed on my reason for getting their information, because let's face it, saying "I really don't have any other friends because up until now we had nothing in common with the rest of the fertile late-20-early-30-something couples" was not really going to make me look very exciting.

But I am actually a pretty outgoing person at heart, so I knew I could come up with something. After much thought, I finally remembered how I'd told them about my yoga studio, and how they offer postpartum classes (mom and baby) at 6 weeks. So, when I asked them, I said, maybe it would be fun to keep in touch and maybe we could all go to yoga with our yogi's sometime.

Luckily, they took the bait! Haha ;-) I think it is funny (sad?) that somewhere deep inside, my opinion of my friendship-worthiness has degraded to the point where I feel like I need to market myself or come up with excuses on why people might want to be my friend. Need to work on that I think...


So I emailed them a few days after our last class (had to wait just enough time so as not to look desperate, of course), and much to my delight, we are now emailing back and forth and trying to plan getting together for dinner sometime next week! I am so excited that I actually might have just made myself some new friends in our area. Especially ones we seem to have some general things in common with: similar ages, similar family situations (all of us are 8-9 months pregnant with our first baby), and it seems like we are all on the "young professional" side of things.

All was going fine and good until one of them included the lines "I can't wait to have my body back....not pee three times a night.... get back into running....sleep without the big belly.....". I did a double take, given that I had just talked about my befuddlement of her first phrase in my last post. I just shook my head, until the other girl emailed back that she could totally relate- she saw a guest on today's morning show who had jeans, and a shirt tucked in with a belt, and she was JEALOUS!

Oh, sweet mercy.

Can I be friends with fertiles?!

I actually did have my first noticeably uncomfortable night of sleep last night- just a backache- (I don't count peeing as making me uncomfortable), but I still would not trade it for anything or wish away my pregnancy because of it. I think it is amazing and awesome that our bodies change so much to carry a baby, and if that comes with some aches and pains, so be it. I will gladly embrace all and any discomforts for the chance to be a mom. Without hesitation or whining or complaining. End of story! We are experiencing a miracle here, people!!

(ETA: I'm totally going to give them a pass and pursue the friendships! It was just one of those things that makes you sigh and go "hmph", you know?)

My thoughts: 35 weeks

Monday, August 29, 2011

I was going to write this cutesy bullet post about all the funny things I have been thinking and experiencing lately, but I just can't get in the mood to finish it that way.

In short, and I know I have been saying this all along, but I really can't believe this is happening. After all we went through that failed, here we are at 35 weeks with a healthy baby girl all curled up in my belly who got there the old fashioned way.

It has always killed me to hear women who've struggled with infertility say "I can't wait to have my body back" or "Won't it be great to sleep on my back again" or other insignificant luxuries that pale in comparison to the gift they have been given. Like really, you miss your pre-pregnancy body so much that you would rather have the beautiful miracle you've been blessed with be over? Do you remember how much you prayed to become pregnant?? How can you be so "done" with something you heart longed for?? I'll just go ahead and say it: I'd like to be pregnant for the next 15 years ;-) Ha!

So here are some things I am loving right now:
*Baby girl waking up at 1am (and 4am, haha) with me when I have to pee, and how she keeps moving after I lay back down. I just lay there and drink it all in. Sure, she keeps me up, but feeling her squirm is so precious and something I dreamed about for so long....
*Belly is getting to be kind of heavy on the underside, and I am hoping that this means she is moving down and getting ready for a beautiful birth
*Continuing to practice prenatal yoga is so neat- I am feeling totally confident that it is helping my body keep in shape and mitigate the symptoms that other people complain about.
*I think I am getting some teeny stretch marks on the underside of the belly- and it is so cute! Hahaha :) I am like wow, belly is really growing now!!
*Cottage cheese :) Did you know it is a great source of protein? :)

Last night at the end of dinner, baby girl was moving up a storm, and my belly was, too. It was so cute for Mr. A to be able to see it- you should have seen the smile on his face. He hasn't been very touchy-feely with the belly, but I know that he is totally in love with and in awe of this little person inside.

The way I am approaching preparing for labor and delivery is the same way I approached training for both of my marathons: physical and mental preparation. There isn't much you can do to exactly prepare (it's not like you can do practice labors like you can go out and run for 4 hours in preparation for a marathon!), but I feel like prenatal yoga has equipped me with many many tools to use to ease the intensity of contractions, and the concepts that we've learned from the Bradley method will also help I think.

The one thing that crossed my mind this morning when I woke up and could have gone back to sleep for 2 hours was how to make sure I am rested enough! For my marathons, I made sure I got enough rest leading up to the race, but guess what, I don't know when the date of this baby marathon will be!! I have been getting at least 8 hours of sleep per night, but I think I am going to try to increase that little by little. I cannot be tired when the time comes!!

This post feels kind of disjointed, but it's the best I can do for now! We are so excited to meet our baby :) 35 days till she is due!

Cinnamon Sugar Muffins (now with photos)

Monday, August 22, 2011

You MUST make these muffins!! They are totally not healthy, and you can't have four of them at a time, but they are quite the breakfast treat!!! The recipe is just slightly adapted from this cook book.

3 cups of flour
3 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 cup sugar
2/3 cups shortening
2 eggs
1 cup milk

1 stick of butter
3/4 cups of sugar
3 tsp cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 350F, and spray muffin tin with cooking spray
2. Stir together flour, baking powder, salt, and nutmeg in a bowl
3. Cream together sugar and shortening in another larger bowl
4. Add eggs to the sugar/shortening, and mix up
5. Alternate adding some of the flour mixture and the milk to the eggs/sugar/shortening mixture
6. Fill the muffin cups (makes 12 good sized muffins)
7. Bake for 20-25 minutes
8. Wash the dishes you just got dirty
9. Get the topping ready: melt the butter in one bowl, and mix up the sugar/cinnamon in another bowl
10. When the muffins are done, carefully dip each warm muffin in the melted butter, and then directly into the cinnamon sugar. I just dipped the top of each muffin, which means the muffin bottom doesn't have the cinnamon sugar on it, so if you want the whole thing cinnamon sugared, roll the whole muffin around in the butter and then the cinnamon sugar.
11. Let the muffins cool while you eat one (or two, haha), and then they can be stored in a sealed container or bag.


(Edited to add photos, because you should always do everything Melissa asks!)

Bee Bop

Friday, August 19, 2011

Well, baby girl was working out or dancing or something this morning! Her heartrate was in the 160's! My appointment time was 11:15, and I didn't get called back until almost a half hour later, and I could feel her squirming around the whole time. That feeling will never get old, that is for sure.

I was kind of hesitant to hop on the scale this time, but I was pleasantly surprised- no weight gain in the last 3 weeks! Yay!! I have changed my diet some to generally follow some glucose intolerance suggestions (since I failed both the 1-hr glucose test and the 1-hr draw of the 3-hr test), so maybe I have been eating slightly less and/or more balanced meals. Either way, I am happy to be at +19lbs at 33w3d. I do feel like my belly has grown, though, so it would seem that baby girl is still getting what she needs!

When the tech checked my blood pressure it was 146/82 (gulp). I knew that was highish, but she didn't say anything about it. She took the hospital pre-registration form that I'd brought with me- holy moley, are we really pre-registered in the birthing suite?!?!?!

My belly measures exactly on target, and baby girl is head down and pretty low, so midwife thinks she will probably be head down for the duration. So happy about this! We do some deep squats in yoga that really encourage babies to move down, and so you aren't really supposed to do them if the baby is breech. So I was very interested to confirm that she is head down- I thought she might be, but it was nice to hear it this morning.

Like I mentioned above, she was moving all around so her heartrate was up, but it didn't seem like the midwife thought that was a problem of any kind. I am sure that baby girl will take a nice long nap later on and then I will want her to be moving around again!!

My midwife said she wanted to recheck my blood pressure, so I laid on my side.... 122/68! Such a relief!

I have another appointment in 2 weeks, and then I start going every WEEK. That is just unbelievable. I am so grateful to be here- I have loved being pregnant, and as much as I want to meet our baby, I can't wait to be pregnant again! Haha :)

And I just have to say that I love our dogs. There is some random guy doing door-to-door sales right now in our neighborhood (I saw his car yesterday, and it peaked my interest because the county on the license plate is from my hometown, like a 9 hour drive from here....weeeeeeeeeird), and they just went crazy (inside) when he came to our door. Of course I went and looked out the window on the side of the door and waved him away (while they were both barking and jumping and standing on their hind legs- there is no doubt that there are dogs here who will stand up for their fort!); I had to get a look at him so I can describe him to police....because of course those people always creep me out- and to add insult to injury, I caught him glancing in my car windows on his way down our driveway. Move along, creepo! I have two dogs that would love to defend their pregnant mama and their home turf!

Delight in the little things

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I am having a great day- and it is all about the little things that are making me happy:

  • The last of baby girl's diapers (5 100% cotton fitted's, 3 100% cotton newborn AIO's (would totally get more, but they are expensive and just for newborns- will likely definitely invest in more one-size AIO's after she is bigger), 2 microfiber pocket's (I am not sure I will like these since they are not 100% cotton, hence the small number of them), and a bunch of cotton flat diapers) are on the line after their second washes- so excited to be prepping them! (My 3-dozen 100% cotton GMD prefolds are already prepped and ready to go!)
  • Yoga at home this morning, including 4 sets of 2-minute squats :)
  • We FINALLY signed up for garbage service!!! You have NO idea how exciting this is for me!!! (Are you thinking, wow, this chic needs to get out more?) Mr. A has been taking our trash to the dump ever since we moved here, but we are getting busier on the weekends, and when he doesn't go for a few weeks, it is more than our cans can hold, so I end up just putting bags next to the cans.... which sometimes Bert gets into, and that is just no a good situation for anyone- dog or human. The service is very inexpensive and includes free recycling!!! YAYYYYYYY!!
  • Bonus, our fancy new garbage bin from the company was just delivered!! EEeeeee!!
  • My teleconference at 10:30 to discuss one of my cases was cancelled- the other two attendees have reviewed the issues and agree with my position and didn't need to talk to me about it! Awesome!

What little things are making you happy today?

Lots (of baby stuff)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I am trying really hard to stay focused at work during the day and not spend all my time reading about baby stuff, doing baby laundry, and wondering how in the heck I went from being sure we would never conceive to doing baby stuff all the time.

But there is alot going on these days.

We bought a doll to try to acclimate our pups to the idea that there will be another human around in a month and a half, and so far they are pretty apathetic unless you make the doll cry and put it right in their face. At which point they just get up and walk away. We've put her in the swing, and turned it on turbo swing (seriously, do babies need six swing speeds?), and blared the obnoxious music that the swing has (again, is music really necessary?), and the dogs just lay there. I know it will be different when our REAL baby is here, but so far we are encouraged by their acceptance of the new stuff we've presented them with.

The doll is pretty close to life-size (18in long- no idea how much she weighs), so we have even put one of our prefolds and covers on her to make sure we aren't going to completely fail at cloth diapering our baby girl. To me (a novice), it looks like at least the doll would be suited up quite nicely with her prefold and cover without any leaks ;-) Hopefully it will be the same for our baby girl.

I've washed all the baby's clothes; hung the 0-3 months dresses and sleepers in her closet, and put her 0-3 months onesies and pants in her dresser. All the blankets, towels, washcloths, and burp cloths have found a place in the nursery, too, and today I just washed and folded all her sheets: crib, pack n' play, and cradle. Tomorrow I plan on washing her mattress cover, and some AIO (all-in-one) diapers that I have yet to prep. Is baby laundry always this fun?

Still on the to-do list is hanging the pictures in her room, setting up the downstairs changing area, figuring out what to put in her diaper bag (do we bring that to the hospital?), and figuring out what to put in our hospital bag (we got a list at our baby prep class- just have to find it). Who am I kidding, I am sure I will think of other things to do... I could spend all day puttering around in her nursery....which is hilarious because with the exception of the bathrooms, it's the smallest room in our house. Do fertile moms do this, too, or is it just because we waited 4 years for this?

Every now and then, I have this urge to write up a manual of our household for when the visitors descend on our house in October. You know, like the ones that the wives write in that show "Wif.e S.wap": e.g., how our house "runs", what kinds of things we eat, how we plan our day, what to buy at the grocery store, how to take care of the dogs, how to not ruin my Calp.halon stainless pots and pans? Maybe even include a section "What to do if you're bored and the baby and I are sleeping or nursing"... And then I chuckle to myself, because I don't know any better example of my type-A personality. But then I rationalize the thought that maybe it would help the nanny that we plan on hiring in February when I return to working (from home) full time. So far, my actual work has prevented me from starting on our manual. But it is definitely being written in the back of my mind...

Prenatal yoga is still going really well. There is another girl who comes to the same class as me who is a few days ahead of me, and I can't believe that we are 33 weeks this week. I mean, it was just yesterday that I was 5 weeks, and 16 weeks, and 20 weeks, wasn't it? It has also been great to meet other expectant moms- I think there are several of us who will keep in touch after our little ones are here. I am really glad to have kept up with exercise while being pregnant :) In our baby prep class at the hospital (where we are also meeting new couple-friends!!....although I sort of feel like an imposter- I never thought I'd be able to identify with young adult couples who are expecting a baby!), we have been "learning" stretches and good postures for laboring and delivering, and they are all things that I have been doing in prenatal yoga since I was 14 weeks, and that helps me feel confident in my desire to have a natural birth! And I'm still walking at least 40 minutes a day- I think some people do a double take when I walk both dogs by myself, but they have been really good lately- even when they see rabbits- I think they know they need to be extra obedient so as not to pull me over!!

We had our maternity pictures taken over the weekend. Our photographer has posted one on her website, and I think she did a great job- I am so excited to see the rest!! I am so glad that we decided to go with her even though at first things were a little unsettled. I think our newborn photos of baby girl will be amazing!! Email me if you want me to send you the link :)

So anyway, I should probably get back to work. I'm hoping to be able to only work half days starting September 12 (I'll be full term on September 13), so I'm trying to make these next few weeks as productive as possible.

I made a commitment to LIVE WELL in 2011, and to live fully and happily no matter what. I never imagined that my life would be wonderfully full of baby things 8 months later; preparing for our baby has brought so much joy already to our home- we can't even imagine how awesome it will be when she is actually in our arms.

{Just so you know: I know this post might/will be really hard for those of you who're still waiting to read, and I added "(of baby stuff)" to the title in case it's just a day where you can't deal with reading a PAIF post. I distinctly remember days when I could not even fathom being able to remotely identify with being pregnant or preparing for a baby, and even though I am going through the preparation motions, it is not lost on me that I thought I'd never do this stuff. My self-imposed PAIF motto comes to mind today and all of these busy days: "When you've been through hell, you tend to appreciate heaven."}

Potential Infertility (once removed)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

My other sister (not the mural one) is accompanying her husband on a 4-month educational trip, and they are leaving next Thursday and returning at the end of December. They will be going to countries all over the world, so they have gotten a zillion and one shots to protect them from whatever foreign buggies that might be lurking there.

Some of these shots don't jive with pregnancy, or young children, so while she has wanted to try to have children for at least the last year and a half, they have held off because of this trip. Supposedly, according to her, they will start to try in late fall (on the boat). (I have my reservations about whether her husband is "on board" (get it? ha) with trying for kids on the boat, but if he isn't, it is going to break her heart, so I hope for her sake that he is.) Her hubby has a chronic health condition that has had him on auto-immune and other bigtime meds for his whole life, and I think that knowing that Mr. A and I are both totally healthy and it still took us 4 years to conceive this baby girl makes her nervous about waiting much longer (she will be 29 in October)...

Last year, the fact that they were waiting was comforting to me. You know how it is, sigh of relief that my younger sister wouldn't bear the oldest grandchild. It eased my mind that maybe by some crazy miracle, we'd have a baby before they got back, or at least that I'd be pregnant by then.

Enter crazy miracle.

So I've offered that she could take my fertility monitor and "Yoga for Fertility" DVD with her on the boat trip. Because I know she has wanted to try for a while, I thought for sure she would totally want these things.

But when I asked her about them yesterday, she said she maybe wants the DVD, but not the monitor. (They are "trying to cut down on the amount of things they are bringing". Um, it is the size of a big deoderant... anyway...)

I have to admit that my heart sank a little. Didn't she want to bust onto the TTC field armed with all the tools possible?!

I worry that her husband has convinced her to not really worry about it on the boat, and that she is again having to make excuses for why they can't/won't really try yet. I worry that he has decided he doesn't want kids until sometime further in the future. I worry that they will also have unanticipated issues conceiving, and although I am well-prepared to support her in the trenches, no sister wants to see her other sister go through that.

Of course when they decide to try is totally up to them, a lesson that infertility smashes in your face and makes you learn the hard way- not to judge others' family-expansion time lines. But I know that she wanted to start trying a year and a half ago.

So I guess my monitor will stay put in our bathroom for a little longer.

But really, who am I kidding? Who wants to start the betting pool that they will come home 2 months pregnant?

Monday and Nursery Updates

Monday, August 08, 2011

Thank you everyone for praying for my requests!

Unfortunately, my friend's beta was 3.5 on Friday. She had taken some HCG booster shots during the LP, and she thinks that it was just residual. As far as I know, they won't be doing another beta. She turns 30 on Wednesday, and having turned 30 last year without a baby in my arms (or belly), I know how painful and heartbreaking that is. If you feel that way, please keep her in your prayers on Wednesday.

As for Mr. A's potential big change, it would have come in the form of a job switch. However, the way things have turned out, he will not be changing after all. While we were very excited for the potential switch (and to be honest, it may still happen in several months, depending on the circumstances), we totally recognize that we already have alot of change happening to us coming up, so we were nervous about adding something more. At the end of the day, we are both very grateful to have good jobs in this time when so many families are struggling with employment woes.

This past weekend, I worked alot on our little girl's room! Now that I have the closet cleaned out and an idea of where to put all the clothes and blankets and towels and diapers and onesies, I can start washing!!!! In fact, this morning I washed all the blankets, towels, and washcloths we received for our shower- they look so cute hanging on the clothesline, and I can't wait to fold everything!!

I took some pictures of the nursery this morning (without a flash, to show the natural light that comes in in the morning- the sun rises on the other side of the house, so it's very gentle light!). It is not 100% finished yet, but I feel like we made alot of progress this weekend!!

It is such an honor to prepare this room for this baby. I know I say this alot, but some days it is very hard to believe that we were finally blessed with a child. So many times, it seemed like we would never be parents. As I was cleaning out the room on Saturday, and whenever I am hanging baby laundry on the line, I pray for those of you who are still waiting to see how God will fulfill your heart's desire for a child. I also pray for those of us who are mothers that we will always strive to be the best moms we can be.

Prayer Requests

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Thank you all for your amazing support on my last post! I'm feeling much better :) I'm loosely following the GD requirements/diet suggestions (even if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill), and so far so good. :) I also do think (even if it's just me rationalizing with myself) that baby girl had a growth spurt recently- she definitely feels longer/bigger these days when she is moving around and kicking and punching! So (maybe) that explains the extra weight last week or something.

If you have time in your prayer time today, maybe you could add the following ones to your list:

-My dear friend K is 16dpiui today and will test and/or go for a beta tomorrow. She has had some teeny spotting here and there, which is discouraging, but alot of her other symptoms seem very encouraging (some are very similar to mine at that point). Please storm heaven that there is a baby K along for the ride!!!

-Due to recent developments, there may be a big change for Mr. A coming up soon (in addition to the obvious baby girl). It would be sort of one of those "leaps of faith" where decisions are made based on the good of the person/family and not necessarily what looks best on paper. Please keep us in your prayers as we discern what is best for our family, especially with the upcoming arrival of baby girl!!


Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Yesterday was kind of a tough day. And unfortunately, this morning was tough, too. I'm hoping today will only get better.

I had a midwife appointment first thing yesterday morning.

-Good news is that my blood pressure was the best it's been in a long time :) Yay! (Not that it was ever bad, but it was just better this time..)
-Medium news is that I technically passed my 3-hr glucose test (yay!), with the caveat that I still failed the 1-hr draw (but I passed the fasting, 2-hr, and 3-hr). So my midwife said while I do not have the diagnosis of GD, I have "some glucose intolerance" and "unless {I} want a big baby, {I} need to steer clear of juices, ice cream, and pies". (Yes, she really said "pies", which for some reason I think is kind of funny.)
-Bad news is that I gained 3lbs in the last 2 weeks.

Good news is good news, and I'm so grateful for it!!

Medium news is harder. I am also grateful to have technically passed, and I fully acknowledge that some providers would have just said "you passed" instead of giving me my specific numbers and pointing out that I didn't pass one of the draws. So, given another provider, it's possible that I would not be going through heartache over it. But since I know, I am just worried. I feel like I already eat pretty darn heathily- no cokes, no mounds of cookies, no daily cartons of ice cream, no white breads, etc. (I will admit to a glass of juice on the weekends and a few cookies once in a blue moon when I make them.) But I feel like I need to follow a GD diet. I don't want the baby to get too much sugar, and following a GD diet is the only thing I can think of. I asked my mom to send me the meal plan flip chart that her dietician gave her when she had GD with my brother. She is a nurse, and when I told her that I didn't pass one of the levels, her reaction was a tad more intense than I had wanted, but I should have expected as much. It is just alot to take in, trying to change what I thought was already a healthy diet.

I think I'll have tomatoes and cucumbers for lunch today. HA!... speaking of tomatoes and cucumbers......

Bad news hit hard. Especially since I don't really feel like my eating habits or quantities have changed at all, and I'm still walking 40 minutes a day and doing yoga 4-5 times a week. Lest you be worried that I am fretting about gaining weight, be not afraid! I will gain as much weight as it takes to grow this healthy baby girl without blinking an eye. But what worries me is that it is too much too fast or something, and that it isn't healthy for her, or it isn't healthy for me, and I need to be healthy to make sure she grows heathily!!! I have been pretty pleased with my weight gain over this pregnancy, but I've gained 9lbs since the middle of June (+19lbs total for the pregnancy at 31w), and it just seems like that is alot. (Although my midwife isn't concerned- of course I asked!) I also shared this frustration with my mom, and while I totally agree that honesty is the best policy, I was looking for a tad more reassurance that I wasn't turning into a blimp. She suggested that I just start eating half of the portions I've been eating. But I don't know how I'm supposed to get the recommended amount of protein and/or other nutrients for baby girl's development if I do that. I just want to be the healthiest I can for our little one, and I think good weight management will be best for us both.....

So maybe I'll have half of a cucumber and half of a tomato for lunch... hahahahaha....

But, the silver lining to the midwife appointment is that my blood pressure was great, baby girl's heartbeat sounded lovely, and my belly is measuring just right. Thank you, Lord!!

Moving on, work actually went fairly well yesterday. I walked the pups early because we had our first hospital class from 7-9pm last night. Our set of classes meets from 7-9pm seven times in August. Wow, we are going to be exhausted....

We arrived at the class, and with the exception of the high school table (okay, maybe they are in their late teens/early twenties), the other couples are around our age or maybe a little older. We received a pretty decent informational book, and Mr. A (being the written-learner that he is) sat right down and started reading through it. It's a magazine-style book, maybe 80 pages with words and figures. The presenter was good (I think she covered 1.5-2 chapters between just talking and showing a couple videos?), but she didn't hold a candle to Mr. A's need to mow through the book. I am very thankful that he was so interested in reading through the book. I know that he would have gobbled up even more technical details if they had been in there. Needless to say, he finished reading it about 3/4 of the way through the class and has declared that he now knows everything there is to know about it.

Mostly because "it's just common sense".

Now Mr. A is a very logical, common-sense type of guy. I actually do feel fairly confident that if we never read one word about labor and delivery and had to deliver our baby ourselves in the middle of a forgotten forest, we would have a successful go of it. But at 9:15pm, when he was hungry again, and we were both tired, and all he could say about the class was essentially that the other couples should just read the book and understand like he did, and that the rest of the childbirth prep classes are going to be a colossal waste of time, it was just one more heap of emotional weight on me yesterday. I admit I don't really feel like I "learned" anything last night either, but it was just alot to take in after the morning I'd had.

Although the one hilarious thing that he did glean from the presentation was that the hospital's baby warmers are directly analogous to "the heat lamps that keep the hashbrowns warm at McDonald's".. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So all in all, I went to bed totally emotionally spent. I am in awe that we are at the point where we are getting to do these things to prepare for our baby. And just like infertility, some days are rough.

This morning I didn't want to get up. I just felt so overwhelmed with the feelings of failure from yesterday. After we walked the dogs and Mr. A left for work, I sat with the pups on the couch. When I tried to tell Bert that I was having a hard morning, I seriously almost started crying. Sheesh!!! When I emailed Mr. A that I was having a bad morning, and he called to check on me, I did cry when I was trying to explain what was wrong. Surely, my yoga class would be a pick-me-up....

Except that when I got on the interstate to go to yoga, they were paving one lane, and there was a several-mile backup. Not going to make it to class 25 miles away, on time, going 3 miles an hour.... so I turned around, came home, and watched the Bac.helorette finale on hu.lu instead. (YAY JP!!)

I was supposed to have a teleconference at 1pm, but it looks like the other person has forgotten to call. That is okay with me. (Watch, he will call now.) Today can only get better!

At the end of the day, we are so thankful for this little girl. Her movements have been really awesome to feel in the last few days, and it is so cool. I tear up just thinking that she will be here in about 9 weeks, give or take. I guess this is only the beginning of some serious emotions!!

(ETA: I hope it's obvious that I am not complaining. I just wanted to be honest about how even the silliest things strike such fear of failure when you are PAIF. Like I could care less if I have to eat nothing but celery the rest of the pregnancy to cut out sugars and gain a healthy amount of weight- anything so that I don't fail at bringing this healthy baby into the world!!)