We are already so in love and so thankful for our little one(s). AND SO EXCITED that (God willing) they will be here in January! We are praying they continue to grow healthy and will give us the honor of being parents. It's very humbling. 5 eggs is not really that great, statistically-speaking. But look at what God has done with the little we have!! Truly, His power has been made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor 12:9). We know we are not pregnant just yet, but we feel like we have received a huge blessing already, and we are hoping and praying our babies are here to stay!
Our transfer will be at 9:30am tomorrow (Saturday)! They don't disturb the babies on day 2, so we are praying and trusting that God is taking care of them and allowing them to be healthy!
I received this devotion below as today's Daily Double Portion from Sarah's Laughter. If you have not signed up to receive these daily devotionals geared towards ministering to women dealing with miscarriage, child loss, and infertility, you should sign up TODAY. They have been a great source of inspiration and comfort to me. I hope it will speak to you if you're struggling, especially since this weekend is so agonizing for those of us with empty nurseries.
***
How Amazing is Sufficient Grace?
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
This weekend is perhaps the hardest of your year. Mother’s Day is Sunday. Families will gather and photos will be taken. Churches will hand out flowers and small trinkets and pastors will preach their best sermons about the gift of motherhood. Oceans of tears will flood the faces of infertile women, and hearts still trying to recover from miscarriage or stillbirth will shatter a little more.
Throughout the frustration of Mother’s Day--and all the days leading up to it--there is one powerful reality upon which you can rely. God’s amazing, all sufficient grace.
No matter the specifics of your struggle, you can depend on the sufficiency of God’s grace to be enough for you. How amazing is grace! There is no struggle, no hardship, no holiday through which grace cannot sustain you. It is strong enough, real enough to sustain you. It is made perfectly powerful in your weakness. Even on Mother’s Day.
You may be thinking, “But I’m not a ‘super-Christian’! I fail God way too much for Him to grant such grace to me. If you had heard how I’ve spoken to Him since I’ve dealt with infertility you’d understand.” Or perhaps you’ve not spoken to Him at all lately. You wonder if He’s finished with you as well.
Friend, that’s the beauty of grace.
Grace is unmerited favor. If you had done anything to earn it, it simply wouldn’t be grace anymore. It’d be a paycheck! God gives you His unmerited, unearned favor. He knows you can’t earn His favor so with a heart the size of the Grand Canyon bursting with love for you, He grants His grace. Sufficient grace to get you through your first Mother’s Day without your twins. And the next Mother’s Day. And the next one. Strong enough to sustain you when your period starts again. Powerful enough to hold you together when you feel like you’ll fall apart when someone says something else hurtful and they don’t even realize it. Enough to walk you through more baby shower invitations and pregnancy announcements.
God’s amazing all-sufficient grace. Sufficient for Mother’s Day weekend. Sufficient for you.
The Sarah’s Laughter Prayer Team will be praying for you through Mother’s Day weekend.
(c) 2009-10 Sarah’s Laughter-Christian Support for Infertility & Child Loss
What goes through the mind along the lengthy path of (secondary, now) infertility
Report!
Thursday, May 06, 2010
FINALLY!! My RE just called- out of the 5 eggs:
In my heart of hearts, I really wish the other two would have been as far along as #1, but my RE said they just do a spot check of them, and it's possible that they're fine and just got a late start or something, or the lab is looking at them from a weird angle. So I'll be praying that all three will be happy and healthy looking tomorrow!
And I know that ONE isn't exactly phenominal numbers, but God has brought so much good out of seemingly unfavorable conditions already this cycle, I can't imagine He'll stop now! (Nevertheless, His will be done...) Thank you Lord for allowing this little one(s)! Please bless them and keep them safe so we can meet them in January! ;-)
PS. We did my first PIO last night, and it was completely painless. Are we doing something wrong? Ha!
- 4 were mature
- 1 of the 4 mature ones had a protein coating or something? (have to research more about what that is really, or if I'm even understanding that correctly)
- 1 is definitely fertilized and on his/her way
- 2 are in the earlier stages of fertilization, so they can't quite tell if they're looking normally fertilized or not
In my heart of hearts, I really wish the other two would have been as far along as #1, but my RE said they just do a spot check of them, and it's possible that they're fine and just got a late start or something, or the lab is looking at them from a weird angle. So I'll be praying that all three will be happy and healthy looking tomorrow!
And I know that ONE isn't exactly phenominal numbers, but God has brought so much good out of seemingly unfavorable conditions already this cycle, I can't imagine He'll stop now! (Nevertheless, His will be done...) Thank you Lord for allowing this little one(s)! Please bless them and keep them safe so we can meet them in January! ;-)
PS. We did my first PIO last night, and it was completely painless. Are we doing something wrong? Ha!
Waiting...(UPDATED!!!!)
Why isn't everyone posting very-exciting things on their blogs this morning so I have something to do while I wait for our fert report, instead of refresh my own blog 20 times a minute?? ;-)
(UPDATED in the "Report" post above!)
(UPDATED in the "Report" post above!)
Home safe!
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Short story: 5 good looking eggies!!! YIPEEEEEE! Thank you, God!!!
Long story: (I'll let you go refill your glass of water and get a snack first....)
..Sooooooooo..
Last Friday (when I thought the ER would be Monday), the office manager from the anaesthesiologist's office called me to ask me about payment (I just gave the check to the receptionist at the RE's office) and to tell me "Nothing to eat or drink except clear liquids after midnight the night before the procedure".
Got that? That quote is important.
So I get up this morning, made coffee for Mr. A, and filled up my Na.lgene bottle with water. Mr. A (who is also the most opposite you can get from a morning person) (also a very important piece of the day's story) comes downstairs in his shirt and tie. Um. Did he forget about our ER??!?! So I ask, maybe sounding more shocked than I was, what was he doing wearing his work clothes?!
And being that he rolled out of bed 15 minutes prior, my question was apparently as if I'd asked him to run over his Har.ley with a dumptruck this very second. He was not impressed with my question (or any of my subsequent explanations or attempts to backtrack myself), his tone was absolutely, oh, what would you say, pissed off, and I'm pretty sure this is what happened when whoever coined the term "speak only when spoken to". HA! (Just kidding!!) (Turns out he just wanted to avoid changing after the ER...)
So, in all the "discussions" and getting out the door on time, I left my rings and my favorite cross necklace in my bathroom. Cue the waterworks (again), once I realized it.
Not the super greatest way to start off the morning. But I was determined to not get too down about it- have to make sure my follicles produced happy eggs!! And I don't have to wear my cross for God to know I'm counting on Him for a miracle here.
Luckily after coffee and some time with his eyes open, Mr. A poked me (we had about a 45 minute drive), and said "What is up!?!!?!?"
Well, great, now you're happy?! Ha! Oh well, better late than never!!!!
Anyway, we got to the lab in plenty of time, got checked in right away, and the very-chatty (but cute) nurse came in and started getting me ready. Put the IV in my hand because my veins are just not drinking straws like my dad's. I've never had an IV before, and I thought it would hurt more than it did. Bonus! I saw my RE, who looks remarkably athlectic in his scrubs and running shoes versus his office gear. The anaestheologist was the last one to the party. Here's part of the conversation that we had when he got there:
Anaesth: So, have you had anything to drink or eat this morning?
Me: Just water.
Anaesth: (looking alarmed)
Me: (Why is he alarmed?)
Anaesth: How much water have you drank?
Me: Well, about half that bottle (half a liter?)
Then he goes through the door and talks softly with my RE. They both come back together. I'm thinking, oh my heavens what is going on....
Anaesth: Well this is a really big problem.
Me: (Picking my jaw off the floor)
Anaesth: You weren't supposed to have anything to eat or drink in the last two hours. No one told you that?
Me: (This is where you should remember what the office manager told me on Friday!) No, gosh, your office lady just said nothing to eat or drink except clear liquids after midnight!! She didn't say anything about nothing for 2 hours!! Oh geez. Would it help if I pee?
Anaesth: (Laughing warmly) No, that won't help. The problem with having something in your stomach, even water, is that while you're sedated, your esophagus muscles relax and stuff from your stomach could come up and get in your lungs. And stomach acid in your lungs is not a good situation.
(Mr. A almost passes out in the corner.)
Anaesth: So we only have a couple options. Either we wait a few more hours...
(Now I about pass out.)
My RE: Well, we can't wait any amount of time because she already did the trigger for this to happen now.
Anaesth: Or we just use a different kind of medication on you, one that doesn't put you to sleep. You'll feel more pain...
Me: I don't care about pain!! I'll do whatever, just so that I'm not in danger and that this can still happen!!
My RE: We used to do egg retrievals without such complete sedation all the time. People used to bring in their favorite music to listen to!
Anaesth: Okay, well we'll just use a different medication on you, but be sure to tell me if it is too much and you want us to stop the procedure.
(I'm thinking, yah right, not in a million years!!!)
So, there I go, breaking another mold this cycle. The anaestheologist gave me less medicine than he normally gives people in preparation (relaxation) for their actual sedation. He and I talked the whole time about all kinds of random stuff, and he only had to give me a tad bit more medicine once. He kept saying how he couldn't believe that I went through that with such little medicine. I hope he doesn't try this on the next gal who might not have such a high pain tolerance!!!
Funny story, when they first started the procedure, my bladder was so full they had to drain it with a catheter to see my ovaries! Ha! Water, indeed!!!
All in all, they got 5 eggs!! And I'm under the impression (possibly incorrectly) that that is the number of mature ones because I had at least one more follicle than that and it took them a while after the syringe was passed through the window for them to say the egg count. I could be wrong. I'm praying they are all mature, though!! Overall, it wasn't too painful, although I felt the needle/aspiration, etc., just in a muted way, I guess. It's hard to explain. Afterwards, I felt like I was having period cramps. Luckily they had 2 tyl.enol and a heating pad waiting in my original room!! I was just so thankful that we got 5, even if they're not all mature!!
It didn't take me long at all to "recover", since I'd barely had any sedation medicine. Why didn't they have egg sandwiches on the menu? I settled for graham crackers ;-)
We planned to pick up some lort.ab on the way home. My nurse had called it into WalM.art ( which I hate), so I called when we were exiting to see if it was ready. They said they needed my info before even filling it! GRR. So I gave them everything, and they said it would be 25 minutes, so we went to the bagel shop to get lunch. Then we went back to get the prescription. I get up to pay, and they say that the birthdate year that I gave them is off of the one my nurse gave them.
REALLY PEOPLE? You think there is another me, with the same name, address, birthdate month, and birthdate DAY that you have to verify that I'm the same person as the one my nurse was talking about?? So we had to stand there another 10 minutes while they called my nurse and then (finally) filled it. UGHHH. Damn WalMar.t!!!
But, thankfully, we arrived home safely and Banana has kept me company all afternoon long! I have taken a nap and now writing this hugely-long post! I think another nap is in order after I'm finished!! And, we're ordering Chine.se for dinner- YAH!
So they're calling us with the fertilization report tomorrow. Please pray we have happy healthy babies growing!! Thank you so much for all your good thoughts and wishes and prayers! I think today is just an amazing example of one of my favorite Bible verses from Job:
Long story: (I'll let you go refill your glass of water and get a snack first....)
..Sooooooooo..
Last Friday (when I thought the ER would be Monday), the office manager from the anaesthesiologist's office called me to ask me about payment (I just gave the check to the receptionist at the RE's office) and to tell me "Nothing to eat or drink except clear liquids after midnight the night before the procedure".
Got that? That quote is important.
So I get up this morning, made coffee for Mr. A, and filled up my Na.lgene bottle with water. Mr. A (who is also the most opposite you can get from a morning person) (also a very important piece of the day's story) comes downstairs in his shirt and tie. Um. Did he forget about our ER??!?! So I ask, maybe sounding more shocked than I was, what was he doing wearing his work clothes?!
And being that he rolled out of bed 15 minutes prior, my question was apparently as if I'd asked him to run over his Har.ley with a dumptruck this very second. He was not impressed with my question (or any of my subsequent explanations or attempts to backtrack myself), his tone was absolutely, oh, what would you say, pissed off, and I'm pretty sure this is what happened when whoever coined the term "speak only when spoken to". HA! (Just kidding!!) (Turns out he just wanted to avoid changing after the ER...)
So, in all the "discussions" and getting out the door on time, I left my rings and my favorite cross necklace in my bathroom. Cue the waterworks (again), once I realized it.
Not the super greatest way to start off the morning. But I was determined to not get too down about it- have to make sure my follicles produced happy eggs!! And I don't have to wear my cross for God to know I'm counting on Him for a miracle here.
Luckily after coffee and some time with his eyes open, Mr. A poked me (we had about a 45 minute drive), and said "What is up!?!!?!?"
Well, great, now you're happy?! Ha! Oh well, better late than never!!!!
Anyway, we got to the lab in plenty of time, got checked in right away, and the very-chatty (but cute) nurse came in and started getting me ready. Put the IV in my hand because my veins are just not drinking straws like my dad's. I've never had an IV before, and I thought it would hurt more than it did. Bonus! I saw my RE, who looks remarkably athlectic in his scrubs and running shoes versus his office gear. The anaestheologist was the last one to the party. Here's part of the conversation that we had when he got there:
Anaesth: So, have you had anything to drink or eat this morning?
Me: Just water.
Anaesth: (looking alarmed)
Me: (Why is he alarmed?)
Anaesth: How much water have you drank?
Me: Well, about half that bottle (half a liter?)
Then he goes through the door and talks softly with my RE. They both come back together. I'm thinking, oh my heavens what is going on....
Anaesth: Well this is a really big problem.
Me: (Picking my jaw off the floor)
Anaesth: You weren't supposed to have anything to eat or drink in the last two hours. No one told you that?
Me: (This is where you should remember what the office manager told me on Friday!) No, gosh, your office lady just said nothing to eat or drink except clear liquids after midnight!! She didn't say anything about nothing for 2 hours!! Oh geez. Would it help if I pee?
Anaesth: (Laughing warmly) No, that won't help. The problem with having something in your stomach, even water, is that while you're sedated, your esophagus muscles relax and stuff from your stomach could come up and get in your lungs. And stomach acid in your lungs is not a good situation.
(Mr. A almost passes out in the corner.)
Anaesth: So we only have a couple options. Either we wait a few more hours...
(Now I about pass out.)
My RE: Well, we can't wait any amount of time because she already did the trigger for this to happen now.
Anaesth: Or we just use a different kind of medication on you, one that doesn't put you to sleep. You'll feel more pain...
Me: I don't care about pain!! I'll do whatever, just so that I'm not in danger and that this can still happen!!
My RE: We used to do egg retrievals without such complete sedation all the time. People used to bring in their favorite music to listen to!
Anaesth: Okay, well we'll just use a different medication on you, but be sure to tell me if it is too much and you want us to stop the procedure.
(I'm thinking, yah right, not in a million years!!!)
So, there I go, breaking another mold this cycle. The anaestheologist gave me less medicine than he normally gives people in preparation (relaxation) for their actual sedation. He and I talked the whole time about all kinds of random stuff, and he only had to give me a tad bit more medicine once. He kept saying how he couldn't believe that I went through that with such little medicine. I hope he doesn't try this on the next gal who might not have such a high pain tolerance!!!
Funny story, when they first started the procedure, my bladder was so full they had to drain it with a catheter to see my ovaries! Ha! Water, indeed!!!
All in all, they got 5 eggs!! And I'm under the impression (possibly incorrectly) that that is the number of mature ones because I had at least one more follicle than that and it took them a while after the syringe was passed through the window for them to say the egg count. I could be wrong. I'm praying they are all mature, though!! Overall, it wasn't too painful, although I felt the needle/aspiration, etc., just in a muted way, I guess. It's hard to explain. Afterwards, I felt like I was having period cramps. Luckily they had 2 tyl.enol and a heating pad waiting in my original room!! I was just so thankful that we got 5, even if they're not all mature!!
It didn't take me long at all to "recover", since I'd barely had any sedation medicine. Why didn't they have egg sandwiches on the menu? I settled for graham crackers ;-)
We planned to pick up some lort.ab on the way home. My nurse had called it into WalM.art ( which I hate), so I called when we were exiting to see if it was ready. They said they needed my info before even filling it! GRR. So I gave them everything, and they said it would be 25 minutes, so we went to the bagel shop to get lunch. Then we went back to get the prescription. I get up to pay, and they say that the birthdate year that I gave them is off of the one my nurse gave them.
REALLY PEOPLE? You think there is another me, with the same name, address, birthdate month, and birthdate DAY that you have to verify that I'm the same person as the one my nurse was talking about?? So we had to stand there another 10 minutes while they called my nurse and then (finally) filled it. UGHHH. Damn WalMar.t!!!
But, thankfully, we arrived home safely and Banana has kept me company all afternoon long! I have taken a nap and now writing this hugely-long post! I think another nap is in order after I'm finished!! And, we're ordering Chine.se for dinner- YAH!
So they're calling us with the fertilization report tomorrow. Please pray we have happy healthy babies growing!! Thank you so much for all your good thoughts and wishes and prayers! I think today is just an amazing example of one of my favorite Bible verses from Job:
I know that You can do all things, that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted (Job 42:1-2)
So thank you, again, for all your prayers and thoughts! I will keep you posted!!
We're praying that it's God's purpose of bringing a little one to us this time, and that He used all the things that went "wrong" to show me that I really can trust Him to come through!! I've felt like that this whole cycle, and today was no different!! God is so good!!
So thank you, again, for all your prayers and thoughts! I will keep you posted!!
Eve
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Trigger last night (9:30pm) went smoothly- but now I'm worried that I'm going to ovulate before the ER tomorrow at 8:15am. Not that I think I usually ovulate earlier than the "normal" 36 hours post-trigger (and we made sure to cover our bases last night before the trigger), but you know, timing is very important this time around!!! No busting through the gate early, eggies!!
But really, I'm not that worried. We are both very excited about our baby(s)! We even were talking about them last night at dinner! We are hoping and praying they will be here this time!! We know it is still ultimately in God's hands as to what happens the upcoming days, and we still have a great feeling about it. (Although we acknowledge that nothing is guaranteed, but we are really trying to focus on the possibility that God will bless us with our baby this way!!) I get teared up thinking our little ones will probably be "here" by Mother's Day!
I had these grand plans of making ravioli's and other prepare-ahead dinners for Mr. A and I, before the ER and ET. Unfortunately, I haven't done anything ahead! And, we haven't gotten to the bank to get our monthly grocery cash, so I haven't even made the menu plan either! Ha! That is on my list of things to do this afternoon. Will I feel very bad the day after ER? Maybe I can go to the grocery store on Thursday... we don't like frozen dinners (even homemade ones) very much anyway- we're pretty spoiled with fresh dinners each night- but we also don't really like eating out all the time either, so I was just wanting to get some ingredients that are easy to combine, etc. when I'm resting after ET.
It feels weird not to do any shots today...
So anyway, we have to be at the center at 7:30am tomorrow, with it starting at 8:15am. How long will it be before we're headed home? Every time I get nervous about it, I remind myself that at every u/s this cycle, I've felt a tiny bit of nervousness beforehand but then the results have always been great!! So I'm feeling grounded and pretty calm in that I have never had reason to be nervous- God has this in control, and so far He has been blowing me away with how He has provided and allowed me to respond (relative to what happened last time)!! I pray it only continues!
But really, I'm not that worried. We are both very excited about our baby(s)! We even were talking about them last night at dinner! We are hoping and praying they will be here this time!! We know it is still ultimately in God's hands as to what happens the upcoming days, and we still have a great feeling about it. (Although we acknowledge that nothing is guaranteed, but we are really trying to focus on the possibility that God will bless us with our baby this way!!) I get teared up thinking our little ones will probably be "here" by Mother's Day!
I had these grand plans of making ravioli's and other prepare-ahead dinners for Mr. A and I, before the ER and ET. Unfortunately, I haven't done anything ahead! And, we haven't gotten to the bank to get our monthly grocery cash, so I haven't even made the menu plan either! Ha! That is on my list of things to do this afternoon. Will I feel very bad the day after ER? Maybe I can go to the grocery store on Thursday... we don't like frozen dinners (even homemade ones) very much anyway- we're pretty spoiled with fresh dinners each night- but we also don't really like eating out all the time either, so I was just wanting to get some ingredients that are easy to combine, etc. when I'm resting after ET.
It feels weird not to do any shots today...
So anyway, we have to be at the center at 7:30am tomorrow, with it starting at 8:15am. How long will it be before we're headed home? Every time I get nervous about it, I remind myself that at every u/s this cycle, I've felt a tiny bit of nervousness beforehand but then the results have always been great!! So I'm feeling grounded and pretty calm in that I have never had reason to be nervous- God has this in control, and so far He has been blowing me away with how He has provided and allowed me to respond (relative to what happened last time)!! I pray it only continues!
Ready to go!
Monday, May 03, 2010
Wow, I cannot even put into words how thankful I am for how this cycle is continuing to go! Ultrasound this morning reveals that all follicles are ready to go (1 29mm, 2 20mm, 1 18mm, 2 15mm)!!! My good gut feeling is still there- I feel like I'm living out Romans 8:28- that God is using what we learned last cycle for so much good this time!!
I also had bloodwork done, but the results are not in yet- it won't change the retrieval date (Wednesday), but it will give us an idea of how the follies are- it's been low(ish) in the past, but I'm praying for a solid number!!!
So, trigger tonight, retrieval Wednesday morning, (probably) transfer Saturday!! I will be PUPO just in time for Mother's Day!! Gosh, I can't believe it!! This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad (Ps 118:24)!!!
I also had bloodwork done, but the results are not in yet- it won't change the retrieval date (Wednesday), but it will give us an idea of how the follies are- it's been low(ish) in the past, but I'm praying for a solid number!!!
So, trigger tonight, retrieval Wednesday morning, (probably) transfer Saturday!! I will be PUPO just in time for Mother's Day!! Gosh, I can't believe it!! This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad (Ps 118:24)!!!
Thrilled!
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Happy May! Thanks for all the feedback on my "What IF" post- It's uncharacteristic for me to dwell on negative outcomes like that, but it has crossed my mind several times lately, and I was glad to use the project as an avenue to let it out!
The ultrasound went really great this morning! My RE is thrilled with the results! (Quote!) I am up to 6 (maybe 7- one might be hiding?) follicles in the running!! They are not quite growing as fast as they would expect, but my RE said that in some of his reading/research about this protocol, it was mentioned that the antagon may slow down growth for some people. So they are not worried and are actually really pleased with how I'm responding!
I can't tell you how relieved I am. I mean, what an answer to prayer- in the affirmative!!! Please Lord continue to bless me with good growth of these follicles so they can meet up with some handsome swimmers and become our little January baby(s)!!
We are continuing with follistim/ganirelix tonight and tomorrow, and I have bloodwork and an ultrasound Monday morning. I think at that point, I'll start to get worried if they are STILL not big enough, but I'm pretty sure everything will be fine! I have such a great gut feeling about this cycle!! So, ER has been moved back to (probably) Wednesday, but that is okay!
AND, special shout out to my sister who got engaged last night!! Welcome to the family, PW!!!
The ultrasound went really great this morning! My RE is thrilled with the results! (Quote!) I am up to 6 (maybe 7- one might be hiding?) follicles in the running!! They are not quite growing as fast as they would expect, but my RE said that in some of his reading/research about this protocol, it was mentioned that the antagon may slow down growth for some people. So they are not worried and are actually really pleased with how I'm responding!
I can't tell you how relieved I am. I mean, what an answer to prayer- in the affirmative!!! Please Lord continue to bless me with good growth of these follicles so they can meet up with some handsome swimmers and become our little January baby(s)!!
We are continuing with follistim/ganirelix tonight and tomorrow, and I have bloodwork and an ultrasound Monday morning. I think at that point, I'll start to get worried if they are STILL not big enough, but I'm pretty sure everything will be fine! I have such a great gut feeling about this cycle!! So, ER has been moved back to (probably) Wednesday, but that is okay!
AND, special shout out to my sister who got engaged last night!! Welcome to the family, PW!!!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)