Chaos

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

My grandpa is really failing. The Lord will probably call him home in the next couple of weeks. I have been incredibly lucky in life, as this is the first (family) loved one I've ever lost, so I don't really know what to expect of what all-things-funeral will be like, when it's someone in your family.

My mom is not a dog person. My mom will also probably be a total wreck when her dad passes away. When I told her we were planning on bringing Banana and Bert when we travel for the funeral, first she was fine with it and then she called me back to say that she didn't think it was a good idea because we will be busy for 12 hours per day.

Seriously?

I have talked to two people who say that there is no reason why at least one of us wouldn't be able to make sure the dogs get fed, two (maybe shorter than normal) walks per day, and let out mid-day. Would you agree? I know there will be several-hour chunks of time when we would be away, but both our pups are good in their crate and are completely fine by themselves. Plus I think they would be great to have around when we are all just hanging out after the wake and/or burial- there is a reason that dogs are used for therapy, people!!

I mean, if we had a 2-year old who would need to get away from the funeral-stuff to take a nap every so many hours, I assume this would be unreasonable? Perhaps we could take our 2-year old to a kennel instead.

Oh yah. We don't have any kids. Right.

Happy CD1.

15 comments:

Josey said...

((HUGS)) for CD1, Grandpa's failing health, everything...

I think you'd be fine to bring the dogs...but that's just my opinion. Animals can bring a lot of comfort in times of grief...

AplusB said...

Really sorry to hear about your grandfather. And I'm sorry your mom isn't amenable to you bringing the dogs - hopefully she will change her mind if you explain how easy it will be if they're there?

callmemama said...

Sorry about your grandpa's health and cd1 :(. I've had a lot of experience with funerals in the last few years since both of Hubby's parents died. I think it's a little different with a parent than a grandparent - we were busy 24/7. It was all of the arrangements, hunting for paperwork, dealing with insurance companies, banks, packing up the house, and then just offering emotional support...and dealing with the death ourselves.
If your mom has enough other support around, I don't see how you shouldn't be able to take care of your dogs as well. Maybe she's just worried you won't be available if she needs you? Or maybe she's just overwhelmed right now and it isn't about the dogs at all.

T said...

I am very sorry to hear about your grandfather. Losing a loved one is always so hard, not matter if they are no longer suffering. My heart goes out out to you and your family.

If the dogs can be crated I do not understand what would be the issue, especially if one of you can go back and check on them.
Maybe ask your mother what she would really be worried about. Maybe she thinks they will make a mess or tear things up. You could reassure her that they do not behave that way.
Or do you have a sibling or friend close by that you could stay with with your puppies?

Rach said...

So sorry to hear about your grandpa.

Maybe you mom doesn't understand what is involved with the dogs and fears it will just bring added stress during an already stressful time?

AL said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather and CD1. Huge hugs.

I'm also sorry that your Mom is being difficult about your dogs - I think you're right that they would be fine being left alone and would be helpful after that sort of event.

More hugs, A.

lowfatlady said...

So sorry about your grandfather and cd1. I hope you are able to take your doggies.

Toni said...

I'm so sorry about your grandfather. It's really difficult dealing with your first loss, and I truly feel that it's more difficult the older you are. I would think bringing the dogs should be fine. They'd keep each other company and one of you will be able to look after them throughout the day.

Hillary said...

So sorry, A, for the extra sadness and stress you are facing ahead. Praying for peace for you and your family regarding your grandpa, and I hope the extra issues about bringing the dogs gets sorted out. Thinking of you!

the misfit said...

Blech on all of that. Prayers for your grandfather.

Praying for Hope said...

At the very least, bring the dogs with you will give force you to escape from the choas for a short time here and there. I think it's important to have some sort of normalcy (and walking and feeding your dogs is plenty normal) to distract you so you're not dwelling on death all day. There are times when you need some time to yourself, too. I took some alone time while dealing with my grandparents' deaths. No regrets.

Your mom has some time to come around.

TeeJay said...

I'm sorry about your grandfather. I can't tell you what to expect because every person is different and every situation is different. But I can tell you that it will be tough to watch others grieve. That is the one thing that affected me the most. I was sad and grieving, but to watch the people I loved grieving was almost more than I could take. I think it will be a good thing to have your dogs there. People smile and pet dogs and talk to them in silly voices. And like you said, if they are good in a kennel and have at least one person to feed them and let them out, they should be fine and most people might not even realize that you have dogs. Just my opinion.

And I'm sorry for CD1. It sucks...no matter what else is going on in your lives.

Sending you (((hugs))).

Coco said...

Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I know this is so hard... too hard. Everyone in the family must have such chaotic emotions. Emotions run so high at this time, a time when we should be supporting and helping one another, and sometimes we just end up fighting and pulling apart instead. I have always had dogs, and love them dearly.... but they're mastiffs and no one else quite loves them as much as I do cause they're big and they drool... and fart. :) But your dogs are small, compact, behaved, and a big part of your life. I don't know the answer. But I do know that God knows the answer, so the only answer I have is to pray. Pray for answers, strength, peace, guidance. Pray for your mom, to make her burden light and to soften her heart and help you both to see eye to eye. God will take care of you. May He wrap you all in a warm blanket of His love.

ventingvagina said...

oh a, i'm so sorry. my husband and i have lost 3 grandparents in less than 5 months this year so i know your pain. i'm sure your mom is just hurting and thinking ahead, i'm sure she'll want to keep herself busy. i'm sure it wouldn't really be a burden. perhaps you could just reassure her that they'll be no bother. is there some where else you could stay just in case she doesn't loosen up? i do agree they'd definitely help to brighten spirits during such a sad time.

(((hugs)))

Jessica said...

I'm sorry about your Grandpa:( I hope that your mom has a change of heart...our dogs are our children!