Cringing

One of my favorite food bloggers just announced the other day that she and her husband are thinking of trying for a baby soon.

Like, to the whole world. Before (apparently) they are even actually trying.

I just cringed when I read her post about it. I can't describe my reaction any other way.

My experience has taught me that when you try to have a baby, it will take fifteen times as long as you think it will. For (in my case) no explained reason. And in the time between when you try and when you finally are successful, your heart and soul will go through such anguish and challenge that unless you are 100% sure that every single one of your friends, associates, family, and blog readers are going to be constantly supportive and the perfect amount of interested but not meddling, I suggest that you don't just make a blanket announcement.

She got commenters who told her to not worry, she (at 28.5) is still young (HOLD ME BACK!!!), who gave advice on which season is best to have your baby, who told her that is SO exciting and they can't wait for updates, and who told her (just a handful, including me) that it shocking to those who struggled with infertility to make such a public announcement about something that is entirely out of your hands. And one (who didn't have a blog to visit) who set it out there that it is amazing to her when people talk about having children in a specific season (e.g., "we're thinking of having a baby in the spring"). Bravo, my friend.

And you know what, she may have no problems at all. She might be like my vet who thinks as long as you have some data, conception is guaranteed. After all, she eats so incredibly healthy I can't even imagine the incredible volume of produce they must buy each week, so it's not like she needs to adjust her diet to organic or less processed or more natural (like we did in the late summer/fall) (although they do drink a ton of micro-brews).

She says she is committed to being open with her readers, but if they have issues (which, having already established that I don't wish infertility on anyone), is she going to openly post about her latest follistim injection or vaginal ultrasound after her amazing pictures of her morning oatmeal or evening meal? How open will she be about crying in bed after another BFN? How open will she be with her feelings when another of her foodie friends has an effortless baby?

There is no way that someone without infertility experience could ever know the pain and the difficulty and the self-preservation/protection and need for privacy that comes into play when you fail at what the vast majority of the population does with no effort, or on accident. There is no way that a naive woman of child-bearing age would know that maybe it won't happen so easily.

Because for so many, it is easy. It is no big deal if you tell people that you want a baby next April, because guess what, you'll have a baby next April. It is no problem to share with your entire neighborhood that they should all get excited because you and your hubby are trying to make a baby, because by three weeks from now, you will have made one.

I wish her all the best with babymaking. Because even if it is still hard to hear of people having zero issues, no one with infertility would ever wish the struggle on anyone else. Or at least you shouldn't *wink*.

But if it doesn't happen as fast as they think it will, I challenge her to be open with it. It will be tough, it will be uncomfortable, and it won't be rainbows and sunshine, but that is the truth of this journey sometimes- and if you say you are going to be open, that should include the hard parts, too.