One Year Later

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

One year ago today, I started this blog! Whoa. I've read my first post several times while reflecting what to say today. Above all, I am so thankful I decided to start writing here, because it has allowed me to "meet" all of you!! And I know we don't all have the same opinions on everything, but I am so glad that those of you who come here can rejoice and pray and give thanks for the baby blessings coming our way, in God's time and in God's way.

Alot has happened in the last year. We went from thinking nothing was wrong with me, to finding out that I seem to have low levels of hormones. As a result, we went from saving for adoption and resisting the RE, to wanting to work with the RE to overcome my issues. We went from using my fertility monitor, to using clomid, follistim, prometrium, HCG, lupron, and countless ultrasounds and bloodworks. We went from trying the old fashioned way, to trying with IUI. (I don't count IVF because we haven't really done that yet!!)

And now, it seems, that we have truly (remarkably? amazingly? weirdly?) come full circle, as we are again, exactly a year later, praying for a good old fashioned baby from this cycle. After all we have done in the last year! We went from being hopeful about how God would use IVF, to being excited about the chance for a miracle baby made in our bedroom (even though yesterday my 8dpo progesterone was an incredibly unimpressive 11.6- I'm not sure how rational it is to hope that there's a baby in there? Comments welcome...).

As I finished reading my first post, I noted my use of the phrase "slippery 'specialist' path". And I know that when I wrote that, I didn't know what I do now, and that it was (somewhat shamefully) written with most of the common overtones that you think of when someone mentions a slippery slope/path.

And I sort of regret writing that. But I think I have grown alot in the last year. (So please don't throw the rotten tomatoes!!)

Because what I have learned is that while the path is slippery sometimes, in that you can easily lose your footing with its confusing terms and levels and medications and protocols and procedures and terminologies and diagnoses and dosages and opinions, if you approach the specialist path with utmost prayerful consideration and a strong understanding of what values you hold dear, there is nothing slippery about it. If you let yourself be led by God on this path to parenthood, your steps will be sure (Ps 37:23). If you don't let yourself be swept into the fast-moving river of what-everyone-else-is-doing, and instead compassionately seek what God might have you do, your feet will not slip (Ps 17: 4-6).

I think some people would be really defeated by the fact that all of that has happened in the last year and we are still not picking out nursery colors. (And I have to admit that I'm a tad more somber than I had hoped, after my progesterone result....) But I am honestly not feeling melancholy about this at all. And maybe I am some kind of optimistic anomoly who has a smile plastered to her face all the time and some kind of out of this world faith in God's promises. I think it's a mixture of being excited (delusional?) about what this cycle might hold and truly feeling rooted in the fact that I'm pumped to see what God has in store for our family. I feel very at peace with this today. That is such a blessing.

And that being said, I'm not sure if next year, I'm still writing that we're not picking out nursery colors, that I will be so okay with it. Well, maybe I will be. God's grace is an amazing thing. But truthfully, next April, I pray that I'm out shopping for baby spring outfits. For our little boy. And/or girl. Haha!

Time to dream big!!

23 comments:

TeeJay said...

Happy blogoversary!! You have such a positive outlook and when I read some of your posts I take it as a 'pep talk' to myself. I so hope you get a BFP soon (in any manner) so that you can bring another positive minded, full of faith human being into this world. We all should be more positive, not just in TTC but in life in general. So, thank you for starting this blog and giving me pep talks! Nothing but good wishes for you and your family to be!

Thankful said...

Congrats on a year! I have really enjoyed reading your blog and thank you for sharing. Here's to celebrating year two with a nursery!

Basic Girl said...

Happy anniversary!!! Wow, a year...that's a big milestone! Well I for one am so happy you started your blog, because I LOVE reading it!! You're positive and uplifting attitude always brings a smile to my face, even when I'm way down in the dumps. And all I know is no matter how you get them, your future babies will be beyond lucky to be brought into such a wondering and loving home!! Thinking of you this cycle!!

Just Me...C said...

Happy anniversary! Love your positive outlook hon. I hope that your 2nd year anniversary will bring all that you desire!

Katie said...

Happy blogoversary! You are amazing, A. You always have such a great attitude and outlook on things. Here's to another great year of blogging. But this time, let's hope you'll be blogging about parenting after infertility. :)

Rach said...

Happy anniversary!

The Martins said...

A, well said! I am right there with you and God has used your words for me today. "His ways aren't our ways". But, he sees the blessing, and it is coming one day for you and for me!

Lisa said...

YAY for your positive attitude and yay for a whole year of blogging!! CRAZY!!

Ask or Imagine said...

I'm glad you started blogging a year ago, your blog is great! Here's hoping that you'll be blogging about nurseries and spring outfits very, very soon!

Ann - Building a Nest said...

It has been a crazy and amazing year. You've clung to God through it all. Here's to hoping the 2nd anniversary is filled with baby & nursery images.

Ashley said...

Happy Blogoversary!! And yes, it's time to dream big!! :)

the misfit said...

Happy blogoversary! And, um, IMO, you are very unusually optimistic. Thank God. There has to be someone on the thinking-positive end of the spectrum around blogland, because the other end is pretty well represented already, right?

Leah said...

Wow. Congrats on blogging for a year. It is always so intereresting reading back, and seeing where you were, and where you are on. Full circle for sure.

I hope in a year from now, you have a little son or daughter in your life. :)

April said...

Wishing you continued faith in God's promises. It's a wonderful thing to have.

Lori said...

Congrats on your 1st year blogversary! Thanks for reading my blog :)

lowfatlady said...

Happy blog anniversary :)

Becky said...

Happy blogoversary!!! I am so happy to have followed you from the beginning - it has been such a blessing. You have been such a support and encouragement to me (and many others!). I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for you over this next year!

callmemama said...

Happy Blogoversary! I love hearing your optimism in your posts :). It's like a breath of fresh air! I do hope that you get a miracle soon...

JC said...

Happy blogoversary! I hope and pray you're holding a little one a year from now! You definitely deserve it.

Hillary said...

Happy blogoversary! I'm so thankful for our blogging friendship and all of the prayers and encouragements you have given me. I love your blog and am so excited to see God's plan for you unfold as I read it.

Hannah said...

aww, hoping and praying that we're both picking out nursery colors next spring! And we do learn so much through this time of waiting, don't we?
HUGS!

Stacey said...

Happy 1 year of blogging! It has been great to get to know you as a friend here and share in your journey. I sincerely hope and pray that this next year will be the one that brings your baby (or babies) to you! God bless.

ventingvagina said...

congrats on one year! i truly hope that next year, you have a little on in your arms and that your blogging topics have changed from ART to breastfeeding and sleepless nights.