Dear Fertile Friend

You can spare me the emails with the lines "for those of you who haven't had kids, you don't know what it's like to be pregnant and feel xyz pain or discomfort" and "I'll spare those of you who haven't had kids the details of the labor".

Because, I already have a spear through my heart and it's stuck in there pretty good, so I don't really need any extra weapons piercing through.

I don't even know what makes you think that those kinds of statements are appropriate for even people who aren't trying to conceive a blessing. What if they have chosen to live child-free or if they are not married yet? Even if they aren't struggling with infertility, have you thought about how demeaning that is, to indicate that they're not worthy of the details?

I daresay that even people who are in the high-and-mighty moms club don't exactly need to hear the details of your labor. What, did you poop? Throw off all your clothes and scream? Did you get a tear that needed to be stitched up? Was delivering the placenta just as painful, or more, as delivering your baby?

As if the rest of the world hasn't heard of these things happening.

You don't need to lord your blessed secret delivery experience as the ultimate prize that some people can share in and some people can't. You don't need to make the rift between child-less and child-loving of us any bigger than the gaping empty chasm that it already is. You don't need to make those of us without kids feel any more left out (though I don't know if that is possible!).

And seriously, I'm pretty sure you had 30 seconds since she was born two weeks ago to send us a text, instead of worrying all of us sick that something was wrong. Even my battered heart was praying for you, in case you were dealing with a still baby or something.

But I probably don't understand how busy and tired you are, you know, since I haven't had kids.

And I think you left something out of your email- about how thankful you are, how humbled you are, and how amazed you are at this new little life that has been placed in your care. You forgot to say how amazing it is to be a mom, and how you just stare at your little one in awe of the beauty of life. You forgot to mention how lucky and how blessed you feel. The part about praising God for what He has given you got deleted I think....

But I'll still keep you in my prayers... That somehow something in your heart would turn to those who aren't in your coveted position. That you'd show them sensitivity and compassion. That you'd realize the amazing gift you've been given. That you wouldn't take it for granted. That when your cross is placed on your back, people in a position to minister to you would do so. And that in the midst of struggling, your faith in the One who suffered for you deepens and strengthens, as has gracefully happened to me while I pressed on with a weight on my shoulders, praying to hold our baby someday.