In-law's (v. 2.0)

Monday, April 11, 2011

I don't know if you remember this post, but things have not improved. I sent out new u/s pictures last Monday , and I heard NOTHING from MIL until I specifically emailed her again on Wednesday to "make sure she got them". And then when she emailed back she said she had looked at them a couple of times and could maybe make out a body part or two. Hmph. And also, I should note that there were NO exclamation points. I have been known to use exclamation points a little too extravagantly, but STILL. Would it kill her to use just ONE?

Mr. A emailed her almost at the same time on Wednesday to ask if she had gotten the pictures (because I was complaining to him the night before about her complete lack of response), and she responded to him that she is just really busy from 9-4 and is exhausted when she gets home.

Which to me is a lame excuse. We all work full time. The people who respond with evident excitement do not all sit on the couch all day eating bonb.on's.

I will say again that I don't expect everyone to be falling over themselves with excitement, but I am definitely disappointed and feel a little neglected when it comes to her response. Maybe that is irrational and it is entirely reasonable that maybe my expectations were too high. But for the first grandchild, I thought for sure there would be more exclamation points.

I think that she has maybe realized that her response has been lackluster, because she called our house on Saturday morning and told Mr. A that she was thinking of making me some maternity tops and what was my size? Ironically, I had left at 8am for a nearby city to go shopping for maternity clothes with my aunt and cousin for the weekend. Maybe if she was more interested, she would have known that.

But I give her credit (I suppose) for taking this step, and hopefully the patterns she is considering are cute. (And I got some really cute things this weekend....I think my maternity wardrobe is way more stylish than my normal one- hopefully I will get pregnant again right away. HAAAAAAA. Joke of the century.)

But there has surfaced a new in-law issue this morning. My sister is visiting us and our other sister in a few weeks! She is coming on Good Friday and staying the whole next week :) The three of us girls had planned on going to church together on Easter (with hubbies) and then hosting brunch at our house.

My inlaw's don't go to church. My MIL raised her boys in her childhood denomination, and my FIL never really went with them. (I think he now regrets not being a more prominent spiritual leader of their family.) She then decided it was too much of a pain to go (and she disagreed with some of the current events within the denomination), so she stopped going once her boys were out of high school. What kind of message does that send to your family? To me, that says that she doesn't feel like church/spirituality is all that important. Luckily, it IS important to Mr. A and I, but neither of his brothers have continued going on a very regular basis.

So as you may imagine, there is nothing spiritual about their Christmas or Easter celebrations. Even if we hadn't already made plans with my sisters for this Easter, there is NO WAY ON EARTH I am missing the chance to worship this Easter. (However, if I'm being honest, I have a midwife appointment on Good Friday, and there is the tiniest voice saying "What if it is bad news?" Depart from me, Satan!!!)

But today they emailed that they wondered if we could get together for Easter lunch?

Of course this is just for show in my opinion. They do it because everyone else is getting together with their families, but they don't want to acknowledge that everyone else is getting together after getting all spiffed up in pretty dresses and new suits to go to Easter church to celebrate. (Okay, maybe not everyone. But chances are, even if you are not a regular church go-er, you go on Easter.) (And, if God is not a part of your life, I don't mean any offense to you, but I would encourage you to find out the Christian meaning of Easter and what it might mean to celebrate it instead of celebrating chocolate bunnies!)

We emailed that we had previous plans, and so did one of Mr. A's other brothers (going to see his girlfriend, and presumably to attend church with her family). Whew, at least we aren't the only ones.

But the funny thing is that I think they are surprised when their kids don't automatically assume we will all be together for spiritual celebrations/events. In my opinion, they have no place to be surprised because they don't set an example that it is important to them.

I know this is kind of rambly, but I was very frustrated about all of this this morning. The tone of their emails was to the tune of "What do you mean you have other plans in the morning on Easter?", and I didn't appreciate being made to feel guilty about it. Luckily, we agreed to have a "delayed Easter" the week afterwards, but we might as well just call it what it is: us going to have dinner with them. There may be chocolate eggs and jelly beans, but there won't be anything mentioned about the real reason for it all.


RMCarter said...

I am in the same situation. I LOVE my in-laws, but they always invite us over for Easter, even though there is no spiritual part of the celebration (they don't go to church either). I feel bad, but I'd rather be with my parents and celebrate the true reason for the holiday. We are more flexible about Christmas (even though to them there is nothing about Christ involved either) because I know that Christmas is about family too, and I do want to celebrate that with them. It's just with Easter it seems Christ is much more forgotten in the world on that day than Christmas, and I don't want it to be that way (for me or my kids).

Becky said...

I can relate as well, Christmas or Easter with my in-laws makes me really sad because there is absolutely no mention of the true reason for the celebration. I love them, but I would just prefer to visit with them at another time. I am sorry you are having to deal with this and the lackluster response - it really is surprising they are not showing more excitement.

Melissa said...

It's really odd that she's not being a bit more excited about your pregnancy. I mean, it's her FIRST grandchild!

However, maybe she doesn't want to overstep her boundaries. My MIL told me since I wasn't her daughter, she didn't really feel the need to be all giggly about it...and Vivian was her 1st as well. Bummer.

Hang in there. I hope she gets better.

And yep, my in-laws are the same. They want to get together for Easter. We're opting for Saturday instead & Sunday with my family.

Praying for Hope said...

My MIL's response was lackluster, as well, but she's more than made up in enthusiam since. It could be one of those things. She'll suddenly put two and two together and it will hit her that she's having a grandchild.

Mommy-In-Waiting said...

Family: You can't live with them and you can't live without them! lol They are a constant pain in the side but we still love them and try to make things work. I'm sorry they don't understand and appreciate your feelings and beliefs. I hope things work out and you and your DH do what you feel is right and worship in a way you feel happy with.

As far as your MIL, I'm not sure why she isn't more surprised? Maybe she wishes she was shown in person? Maybe she is trying to be reserved and not overstep her boundaries? Not sure, but I hope she comes out of her shell soon and shows her excitement!

Baby Hopes said...

I'm really sorry - what a poor response from what already sounds to be a strained relationship. I can identify with so many of the things you wrote in this post. My in-laws are not close to us at all and have no idea what we're going through right now. It's hard when you want that support but know it's not going to be there. I can't begin to imagine the disappointment from their lack of enthusiasm.

Coco said...

That's so hard. I don't think you're expecting too much of your MIL. It's her first grandchild!!! And the excuse of working full time is complete and utter nonsense. We all make time for what is really important to us. I'm so sorry about that. I have almost the opposite problem. My MIL is WAY TOO involved in my life, and this pregnancy... even asking/pushing me to let her go to my OB appts with me so that she can "tell the dr" what SHE thinks should be happening. Ha! I love her, but sometimes I'd like to just say to her "you do know I'm an adult, right?" :)

It would be hard to celebrate Easter without any mention of Christ. I can't even imagine. I guess just chocolate and jelly beans? Sad. I mean, don't get me wrong... Cadbury Creme Eggs are SOOOOOOOO yummy!!!!!!!! I seriously can't get enough of them. But that still isn't why I love Easter so much. I'm glad you're going with your family. Good luck with all of this. Maybe your mother in law will try to overdo her enthusiasm in person the week after Easter? Don't know if that would make it better, or just awkward. And the ultrasound pictures are VERY clear. I loved them. :)

myjourneythruinfertility said...

i agree that your mil's response was very very lame (great word choice). I am sorry to hear that she is not basking in such a joyful and exciting time.

mrskateski said...

Boo for cruddy in-laws! I hear ya! :) Or they could be soooo religious they forget about their family. I say, forget the guilt and go with your plans. You and your sisters and your hubbies will have a wonderful Easter Sunday!

Trisha said...

I'm really sorry. I know you want her to be involved as you guys walk through this new journey. I hope she comes around soon.

Jennifer said...

I find it crazy that she isn't more excited about your pregnancy. Helloooo...this is going to be her grandchild! How can she not be excited! I'm with you on celebrating the real reason behind Easter. You shouldn't feel bad about not being with them at all. You have every right to celebrate with your family. We are not going to my in-laws for Easter, just because we want to go to our church for Easter. We love our Easter service and want to be there with Ellie this year. AND ya know what?? I'm not gonna feel bad about that one bit. We've waited long enough for this day!
Big hugs!