On their way

Well, baby girl's crib, dresser, nightstand, and conversion kit are on their way! We ended up ordering the set from BRU:
Mr. A was sufficiently satisfied with its quality, and since the Amish place was 20 minutes more of a drive, we just decided that this set would be the one for us. It was pretty surreal ordering it. Apparently our bank thought so, too, because after we'd paid for the set and left the store, they flagged our card and made us verify that it was actually US that made the purchase and not some fertile couple who would obviously need a crib and dresser other identity thief. But I am hopeful that it will arrive without scuffmarks and with all the assembly hardware (the dresser comes assembled but we have to put the crib together), and that it will look perfect in her room.

She officially has nicer bedroom furniture than we do!!!

We are so excited :)

Baby Things

I can hardly believe what I did yesterday afternoon- I ordered a newborn cloth diapering set. I am so excited and nearly paralyzed by reality at the same time!! Is this really happening?!?!? I hope cloth diapering is as easy as everyone I know who does it says it is. I even added three newborn all-in-one's in case Mr. A doesn't like the prefolding. But even people who prefold say it is a piece of cake. I am so excited!!

I have been trying to ease myself into all things baby because it is pretty overwhelming. I tried to start setting up an online registry the other day, and my eyes started swimming with all the options. Why do there have to be 20 different patterns of the same carseat? Do you know how much information-overload that is for a pregnant infertile?!

Not to mention while everyone else is gleefully filling up their baby's closet and nursery by now, I am still very aware at 21w5d that this baby is not HERE yet. She is well on her way, and chances are great that she will be here happy and healthy, but every time I go to order something or register for something or even look at something baby-related, I think, maybe I shouldn't get ahead of myself...

And yet this afternoon we are tentatively planning on going to look at cribs at an Amish place nearby. There is one at Babi.esRU.s that I picked out, but Mr. A *hates* putting furniture together (it seems like it always happens that we are missing one tiny screw or a side piece is all scratched to pieces or the holes don't line up or something), so he wants to see what our other options are. If we go with the Amish place, it will probably be at least twice as expensive, but I know it will be worth it- they made our kitchen table/chairs, and that set will be in our family forever....

We are so grateful for this little girl. We put her profile picture as our wallpaper on the laptop, and every time we open it, it makes us catch our breath. I always saw other people's u/s pictures of profiles and thought it was amazing to see such a view of their baby, and now I have been blessed with one of my own. There were many times when I thought for sure that it would never happen for us.

Adjusting (brutally honest)

If you had known me when I was 8 years old, even though my cabbage patch doll was named Emily Ann, you would have heard me say that "I am only having boys when I grow up."

If you had known me when I was 15-21, you would have heard about the awful relationship that my mom and I had at that time: the lying, the manipulating, the yelling, the sneaking, and the mistrusting. You would have heard her say "I can't wait until you have a daughter just (as awful) like you." And you would have heard me say "I am only having boys when I grow up."

If you have known me during out struggle to conceive a baby, you would have heard me say "I don't care if we have a girl or a boy, we just want to be parents." But in my heart, I never pictured myself with having a girl.

And last Friday, the ultrasound tech said, "Your baby is a girl."

And without any doubt, we are so grateful for this little girl!!

I went to Target, and I picked out an adorable set of pink onesies, one of which said "Daddy's Princess". I know she will be the light of our lives, the child we have praying for for so long. I know we will raise her to be faithful and compassionate, and to be true to herself.

But I get scared when I think of her growing up in today's (really, tomorrow's) world.

I have a cousin who is 12, and sometimes I worry about her. Her parents have done and continue to do an awesome job of lovingly setting safe boundaries for her. But the idea that I (and they) have told her 894 times that 4" hoop earrings are not appropriate for 12 year old's, and she STILL gives me an eye roll that is the most dismissive "I-don't-believe-you-and-you-are-clearly-so-old-that-your-opinion-is-not-cool" expression of body language I have ever seen really gets to me. Or that she thinks neon pink lipstick is honestly a good color on anyone. Or that she takes on this valley-girl (for lack of a better term) tone when she is talking about something that is supposedly cool.

She is such a great girl at heart- she loves animals of every kind, she is strong in her faith, and she is very helpful to others, so I just pray for her that when pop culture says you need to be this other (materialistic, obnoxious, made-up, fake) person, she remains confident in who she is on the inside.

Right now, she and her mom have a good relationship, and I pray that that continues once she gets older.

Because I am scared that my relationship with my daughter will be like my mom and I's when I was a teenager. I was literally trying to remember a tender moment with my mom this morning, and I honestly am having trouble- the memories are so filled with hurt and anger and conflict from when I was growing up. (We are better now, but not really 100%.)

Am I going to be able to relate to my daughter differently?

My friend's mom did not have a good relationship with her mom, and when she had two daughters, she resolved to not repeat history. My friend has an awesome relationship with her mom. This gives me hope.

So it has taken some adjusting to get used to the idea that we are going to be raising a daughter, just because I think subconsciously that possibility has scared the crap out of me since I was 15. I hope that I will be able to foster an open, honest, respectful relationship with her; that she will respect me as her mom, and that I will be able to trust her judgment/independence as she gets older.

I hope it doesn't seem like we are not totally in love and totally excited for this little girl. She is the answer to our prayers, and I am tearing up just writing that. I hope that the perspective that I've gained from my life and from trying so hard to conceive her will allow me the viewpoint that will encourage an amazing bond with her, and I hope she will want the same with me. It would be so wonderful to be able to have the mother-daughter relationship that I always saw my friends have with their moms, and to have that be my daughter and I.

I probably shouldn't be worried about 15 years from now. I should probably focus on how fun it will be to have a little girl- a daddy's princess and a mommy's helper. I can't wait to teach her how to cook and how to swim and how to run and how to read. I can't wait to celebrate her accomplishments and to help her through disappointments. I can't wait to see how her life unfolds, and I am so thankful for the opportunity to be her mom.

Time for Pictures

We had a great weekend! I went to the farmer's market on Saturday morning and got the sweetest strawberries I've ever tasted, along with three juicy tomatoes, and most importantly, vegetable plants!!

Our garden was more like a weed patch, aside from the rows of peas, lettuce, and spinach we've planted (one of each) (and we planted them a little late and so our spinach and lettuce aren't doing so swell). I should have taken a "before" picture just so you can appreciate how ridiculous it was.

But, it is already mid-May, and I know we needed to get our little plants in the ground, and since Mr. A was busy with helping our neighbor do some repairs around their house, I decided it was high time baby girl learned what a hoe was and how to plant tomatoes and what an amazing thing compost is!!! (I am so impressed with our compost (we have a rotatable barrel composter). It is so rich and dark, and I know it is full of amazing nutrients!!!)

I had to take more breaks than normal for water and resting, and it took me a good 4 hours to clear all the weeds and prepare the soil, but I am happy to say that our garden is planted, except for cantelopes, pumpkins, and beans. Working on getting those in the ground this week or this weekend (we plant them in another place in the yard)!!

Here are some pictures:

(L to R: peas, lettuce, spinach, zucchini, cucumbers, peppers, paste tomatoes, roma tomatoes, heirloom tomatoes)

(L to R: Mosquito plant, cut peonies from the front flower garden, and a Goblin Gaillardia)

(Some roses our neighbor cut for us from her bush- they smell amazing!!)

(Banana (lighter) and Bert (darker), in their favorite afternoon spot- snuggled up in the sun spot in the front foyer)

Hope your Monday's are off to a good start!

Cliche

Everyone says "What a difference a year makes" at some point or another in their lives. Yesterday, I was talking (emailing) to one of my best friends, and she said "Think how far you have come since last year this time".

And since bloggers have an awesome history of themselves saved in a cute little drop down menu, I went to check what I was doing May 20 last year.

I knew it was around when we found out our IVF failed.

I didn't remember it was officially May 20.

Or, as I so succinctly put it, "It's the end".

I can't even begin to sufficiently describe how different this morning was, and now that I have the perspective of how far we have really come, I am having trouble putting the awesomeness (literally) of this morning into words. Let's just say we are so blessed; this baby looks perfect. We are so grateful, it is beyond anything we could have ever dreamed would happen to us, and we just pray for this child that they will continue growing beautifully and healthfully.

I'll update the ultrasound/belly page with a new belly pic and photos from this morning momentarily, so keep checking back!! (Pictures are up now!)

Oh. Were you wondering if this baby is a boy or girl? Well, let's just say we can't wait for HER to arrive in October!!! :-D

Is this really me?

It is really hard for us to believe that I am 20 weeks pregnant.

We went from thinking we'd have no problems having kids, to maybe we'd have problems, to what the crap is the problem, to I guess we just won't have kids, to maybe we'll start a scholarship program for a kid in our area's college, to by a miracle, we can see our baby on the screen when he's the size of a sweet pea?

I have said before that way back in the fall, I chose Isaiah 66:14 as the verse that would be the cornerstone of any pregnancy and/or baby we would be blessed with and/or any conclusion we might make to be okay with living child free. Every day I would look at it, posted on my computer, and I'd say it to myself. And let's be honest, there were days when I finished repeating it where my next thought was, "Oh sure, like that is ever going to happen."

I always had a hard time figuring out which Scripture was supposed to be speaking to me about the direction our infertility would take, or what would happen during that particular cycle, or how much I could be sure that God would remember our hearts which ached to be parents. Many times, I interpreted verses so literally and ended up feeling wounded and abandoned. (Hello, "He will give you the desires of your heart", etc.!!) Of course the better way to have read them may have been with a more open perspective, but that was nearly impossible when everyone else around me was claiming that they have just discovered- through Scripture- the exact plan for their life. Why couldn't Scripture tell me the same thing?

So it wasn't surprising to me that, in retrospect, I chose a verse that could be sort of vague, but still literally encouraging and optimistic that we would eventually be happy someday. It didn't relate directly to having children, in case that wasn't in the plan for us, but it still comforted me that we would be alright. Here were my thoughts at the time:

You shall see

Some day, I would understand God's plan for us and any family we'd be blessed with- even though I certainly couldn't see any sort of happy plan, i.e. including children, at that point.

Your heart shall rejoice

God would give me peace and happiness someday, in the fulfillment of His plan for our family. Maybe it wouldn't be rejoicing over things I'd imagined (like I said, in December, we were so convinced that we would probably never have kids, we honestly talked about starting a scholarship fund for a local high school student, and we even began to feel excited about that!), but someday, my heart would be light instead of heavy.

Your body shall flourish like the grass

I would be healthy. I felt confident that by changing our eating habits to nonprocessed/natural/organic, we had already made great strides in living the healthiest we could, and I felt sure that when we finally understood God's plan for our family, it would implicitly give us another boost towards healthiness. I knew we would thrive in that situation.

And it shall be known that the hand of the Lord is with His servants

Even though it was apparent that my plan for our family did not match God's plan, I just wanted to make sure that whatever path our lives took, we were sure to always attribute our blessings and fortunes to God's provision and love for us. Even if He never blessed us with children, I knew that however we impacted the lives of others around us would be in an effort to demonstrate that God brings good out of bad situations.

As you can (hopefully) see, I tried my darndest when taking this verse to heart to really think outside the infertility box. Every fiber of myself wanted to interpret it literally, though, and there were days when I let myself dream...

You shall see (two pink lines)
Your heart shall rejoice (we have a baby!!!)
Your body shall flourish like the grass (everything will be great and healthy!!)
And it shall be known that the hand of the Lord is with His servants (God finally blessed us in His time!!)

And after all of the times when I felt so burned by letting my heart run away with Scripture, here I sit, preparing to see our baby again tomorrow morning. Here I sit, feeling like I can finally claim that God really did put His plan for our family in my heart, even though I didn't know it at the time.

I so appreciate all of your prayers for our little one, and please know that I am hoping that somehow God will encourage those of you who are waiting that He has not forgotten you. I am praying for all of you who are carrying little ones after a long struggle with infertility that God will encourage you to remain confident that He has a plan for your baby. And I am praying for all of you whose children are running around in your homes that God will encourage you to stay strong in the hard moments of motherhood and to relish the happy moments.

This is really me, folks. Less than 24 hours till we see our little one again. Praying my heart out that he/she is healthy and happy!!

Cold, etc.

Along with some great memories, I came back from spending the weekend celebrating my little brother's graduation with a stubborn cold, too.

I am never sick, and since it didn't start until I got to his state, I thought at first maybe it was allergies to something in the air there, but when my symptoms hung around well after we got home, I guess I picked a dumb cold up somewhere.

I went out and got my mom's solution to colds when we were younger: ingredients for a cocktail!! A sick-child cocktail, that is....Orange/grapefruit juice plus sprite/ginger ale. The ultimate placebo.

I also got CVS' version of Tylenol Cold, because apparently Tylenol had some big recall recently, and I went to two stores trying to find it with only empty shelves before I asked a pharmacist for an expanation. And my midwife said the CVS version was okay. I think I might have been the only one ever to call and ask if the generic version was fine to take.

I didn't really want to take any medicine, but I don't want this to balloon into anything worse than a runny nose and occasional cough. And plus, when I woke up this morning and dug out my thermometer from my temping days, it showed 99.2 at 630am, so I definitely don't want the fever to get out of control. (It was 99.6 at about 830am, but has gone back down to between 98.6 and 98.8 since then...)

After getting Mr. A off to work, I have been sleeping on the couch with Banana and Bert. Like literally, except for 15 second intervals of going to the bathroom or blowing my nose or taking a drink of my cocktail, I slept from 730am till about noon. It was even raining to complete the cozy ambiance.

And I know that chocolate frosted mini-donuts and OJ/sprite cocktail isn't exactly a balanced diet, but it is going to have to do for now. Maybe I'll cut up some carrots later this afternoon... Mr. A goes "why don't you make some chicken noodle soup?". Haha :) Oh yah, I totally feel like standing up in the kitchen to put that together....My thought is "Why don't you pick us up some chicken noodle soup for dinner from the deli?" Hahaha :)

But I think Bert has had his fill of sleeping the day away because in the last 10 minutes, he has brought me every one of his toys, as if to say, please play with me!! Hopefully he will accept me playing from the couch...

In the "etc" portion of this post, some (baby) bullets:

• Mr. A recently told me (without me asking first) that my maternity clothes are "hot" and that my little bump is so cute. SWOON.
• Thank you for the comments on my post wondering what you want to read about!!
• I added some belly pics to the ultrasound/belly link to the right -->
• I had never really thought about turning this blog into a book for our baby. That is a really neat idea.
  
• I think I am feeling the baby about once a day! It is so cool, and I am so grateful for this little one.
• We have an ultrasound on Friday morning- praying our hearts out that this baby looks completely healthy!!!
  

little bro

Congrats to my "little" brother who graduates from college today! So glad to be with him to celebrate!

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What would you like?

Sometimes I wonder if my readership was gone way down lately, or if people just don't have the time to comment. I totally understand if people are just reading, and I totally understand if just coming here and seeing my ticker is too much for some of you who are still waiting for your miracle, but I hope it's not because of anything I've said that would make it appear that we in anyway take this little one for granted.

It is hard to be a PAIF (pregnant/cy after infertility) blogger. As I read through my posts over the last 4 months, I think that I've blogged about the pregnancy itself considerably less than some PAIF'ers. Which is totally their prerogative (and mine), but to be very honest, most days all I can think about this baby is just total gratitude and admiration and awe that he/she is squirming around in there. And while I hope you never doubt for a minute that we are so thankful for this child, I imagine posts about that every day may be a tad redundant. And I am definitely not going to complain about any discomforts- any that I have felt PALE in comparison to the happiness that fills me up and overflows when I pray for this baby.

So as I read through what I've written, while in general there have been many posts which are pregnancy-related, but I feel like my reflections have been pretty general and on varying different topics.

But is there anything you would like me to write about? Would you like more pregnancy-specific posts? More grateful posts, even if they repeat the same theme? More reflections on our journey to get here? More gardening or food or dog stories? What would you love to come here and read about?

Bloggers don't write just for the approval of their readers, but of course it is nice when we identify with each other through our posts. And while I know that if you are still waiting for your little one, you are not going to identify with a post about maternity clothes or something, but I hope you will remember that I was in your shoes for a long time, and I will never forget what it's like.

Different than I expected

It's no secret that today is Mother's Day. There have been many great posts by my fellow bloggies, and I echo all of their sentiments.

Today was different than I expected. I remembered Mother's Day church services as very much focusing on moms and very centered around recounting all the ways and reasons that they deserve special recognition (which, no argument from me, many moms do). I sat in the congregation and felt so alone...so unrecognized. It seemed like all the prayers, all the preaching, and all the announcements were relevant to everyone except me. I wondered how on earth could a place like a church be so alienating when it is supposed to be safe and loving to all?

This morning as I put on a new dress, I wondered what it would be like to experience all of those things again, but this time while I was carrying our baby. Sort of like MercyMe's song "I Can Only Imagine", I wasn't sure how I would react- would I just bask in the joy? Would I be so overcome with emotion that I wouldn't be able to stand?

The service started- I waited for the opening prayer to mention moms- never did. The pastor reflected on the Sciptures- I waited for his tie-in to Mother's Day- never came. We got to take part in the service this morning (unexpected), and right before it was our part, prayers were lifted for the congregation by a reader. I waited for the throng of prayers about mothers and children and families- never mentioned. The prayers concluded, but then the pastor added one more- for mothers. I teared up as Mr. A gave me a quick squeeze, and I thought for sure I would look a mess when we would be in front of everyone. At the very end of the service, when we were all sitting, the pastor encouraged a round of applause for the mothers in the congregation, but he didn't have anyone stand.

I was admittedly very surprised at the lack of focus on mothers at church today. Was it possible that my infertile perspective skewed how it had been handled before? I know that the struggle to have a baby deeply affects how we view the world, but maybe I had made it to be worse than it was?

No. I know there were years of roses for moms, and standing for moms, and prayers for moms, and praises for moms. And many moms rightly deserve such honor. But I was never a mom.

And so while this year I could have held my head up high and been included in those parts of the service, it felt like justice for my infertile soul that the entire service wasn't dripping with motherhood comments. I don't know how many or even if there is anyone in our congregation struggling with infertility, but I know without a doubt that they appreciated the low-key approach, and that even if tears fell during the prayer for moms or the clapping at the end, the entire rest of the service was focused on the HOPE that is in Jesus, with nary a mention of motherhood. Heck, I appreciated the low-key approach, retroactively, as if I was still sitting there apart from the crowd.

Mother's Day is hard for so many people for so many reasons. Not everyone has a good relationship with their mom. Not everyone has a good relationship with their kids. Not everyone can be with their mom for brunch, or is even in the same country as their mom. Not everyone still has their children to receive a card from, or their moms to send a card to. And finally, with the obvious, not everyone is a mom.

I am hoping that our pastor made the decision to go easy on the Mother's Day hysteria in deference and sensitivity to those for whom today is not a happy celebration. I plan on letting him know how much I enjoyed the service this morning, and how much I appreciate how he has led our congregation.

I pray that if you are still waiting for your little one that today was graced by the sensitivity of loved ones in your life. I pray that those of us with little ones in our bellies will be blessed with healthy pregnancies and healthy little ones to fill our day next year. I pray that my friends who are already moms will continue to be thankful for the opportunity to raise a child.

Last year, I wrote this on Mother's Day:

It's such a hard day for those of us waiting,
but what makes it easier is that we know
that so many of you who have overcome infertility are praying for us!!

I may be pregnant today, but I have not forgotten what it felt like to be waiting. Be assured that on this day which seems to laugh in the face of infertility, that I am praying for all of you who are longing to overcome it. (HUG)

Food on Friday

Today's recipe is adapted from this cookbook!

We had some brown bananas sitting on the counter the other day, and I knew that I needed to do something with them or else we'd be hosting a colony of fruit flies soon. I didn't want to eat three bananas in one day, so I decided to make bread with them! Can you believe that Mr. A hates bananas but really loves banana bread? Haha :)

1 3/4 cups flour
3 Tbs brown sugar
2 1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/3 cup chopped walnuts
1 egg
3 very ripe bananas, mashed up
1/4 cup milk

Preheat oven to 350F, and spray/grease a bread pan. Mix dry ingredients together (including nuts) in a medium bowl. In another bowl, beat the egg, and add the mashed bananas and milk. Pour the egg mixture into the dry ingredient bowl and mix until blended.

Transfer dough to the pan, and bake for about an hour, until a toothpick comes out clean from the center.

Enjoy!!!

Yoga Class

{I just wanted to note that I hope my post yesterday didn't come off as complaining to complain or being (w)itchy for no reason. The two issues I have concerns with are objective: they bought a dog whose breed is known to not be good with kids, and they are not supportive of our spiritual habits. I think any mom would have concerns about either of those things. I hope that it isn't lost on my readers that we are eternally grateful for this child, and if anything, the fact that he/she is coming into this world has made Mr. A and I very aware of the environment in which we want our child(ren) raised, so we are more sensitive to those types of things now.)

Yesterday, I accomplished one of my 2011 goals. I went to a (prenatal) yoga class!!

It was small- only two other girls and me. One girl was 28ish weeks, and the other one was 18 just like me.

I am very glad I went, and I am planning on continuing to take this class! I have been doing my prenatal yoga DVD each morning, but I think the class was great because there is a teacher right there who can help you deepen or correct poses as you are in them. Plus it gets me out of the house and hopefully I can make some new friendships.

The two big differences were that we did some more arm strengthening (I guess your arm/shoulder muscles shorten during pregnancy and you want them to be strong for labor and for carrying baby afterwards), and we did two types of squats. We held the squats for TWO WHOLE MINUTES, and the squat against the wall (your back is to the wall) nearly killed me. I am good at the one where you squat all the way down to the floor (those are in my prenatal dvd practice), but I couldn't hold the one against the wall the whole time.

Must practice more of those- squatting is a great position for during labor. And two minutes is sometimes the length of time your contractions are going to be, so you need to be able to breathe and relax right through them. Must practice more!!

But I totally recommend yoga. Before pregnancy and during pregnancy, and I'm sure I will recommend it after pregnancy. I have had nothing but great experiences with it so far! Try it and see how you like it!!

in-laws (v. 3.0-3.9)

If you missed the first two installments, you can find them here and here.

Here is the latest scoop/complaint/issue. (Two things, actually.)

Number One: They got a puppy

Now, objectively we have no problem with this. We love dogs, and our two pups are very precious to us, and I think it is great when people get dogs. Here are our specific problems with their decision:

#1: They bought this puppy online from a breeder in Idaho at 2 months old. The puppy had to be SHIPPED to them on the East Coast.
#2: It is a border collie.

Number one, both our dogs are rescue/SPCA dogs. We got the privilege of bringing them home because someone else didn't want them. They were both house trained, and you can just tell that they are so grateful to have a warm home and a loving family to be a part of. Nothing against people who still buy their dogs, but I think before you buy a dog from a breeder, you should check out your SPCA/shelter to see who is there longing to be a part of your family. In-laws did not do this. Instead they bought a puppy over the internet and had him shipped. It just makes our stomach turn.

Number two, you should read wik.ipedia's entry on border collies before you read the rest of my rant. Did you catch this part:

One of the prime reasons for getting rid of a border collie is their unsuitability for families with small children, cats, and other dogs, due to their intense desire to herd, bred into them for hundreds of years and still one of their chief uses outside the household.

Okay. Now, they do not have small children or other dogs. But guess who does? WE DO (or will, anyway). They have just willingly purchased a dog who is widely known to NOT be good with children and other dogs. We are beside ourselves with disappointment. How will we ever relax during a visit with them again? Their previous (mean, unexercised, unsocialized) dog bit Banana on our first visit that we had her, and things were never the same. Now that dog has passed away (due to complications of arthritis thanks to no exercise and overfeeding), and they have just bought a dog who is known to be destructive and aggressive if its extreme herding/mental and physical exercise needs are not met. Dare I mention they live in a metropolitan area with a 0.3 acre chain link fenced yard? AND that they both work 11 hours a day? AND that the reason that MIL supposedly wasn't responding excitedly to baby emails is that she is too tired from working during the day?!?! How on earth does she think she will have enough energy to raise a puppy when she can't even muster a 45 second email to us? This dog is not going to be outside being worked or herding for hours a day like they are BRED to do. It is going to be sitting in a crate all day going crazy, getting ready to go beserk on our baby or our dogs because it has too much pent-up energy.

Luckily, Mr. A is just as upset as I am, so that makes me feel a little "better", in that he doesn't think I'm overreacting this time.

Ugh.

(I should also note that I know they are very smart dogs, and a friend's mom has raised them for years very successfully. But she is a stay at home wife, and she works them 3 hours a day outside on chores (on their 15 acre property with its 2 acre pond), and 1 hour a day inside on obedience. She also competes with them in agility contests. There is just no way that my inlaws are going to be able to offer this much time/training to their dog.)

Number Two: They want us to come visit this weekend, i.e. Mother's Day

Now on any other weekend, I would have no problem with visiting them, especially because we want to socialize their puppy with our dogs as soon as possible. But here is the thing:

It's Mother's Day on Sunday. For the last 3 years, I have sat in church and cried when they ask the moms to stand and go on and on about what an honor and gift it is to be a mom (it is), and how worthy a vocation (it is), and what more could a woman ever aspire to be (many things, especially if you don't have a choice)? This year, while our child is not on the outside, I am a mom. I don't have to cry anymore or feel like I am worth less than the women who stand, surrounded by their children.

But they don't go to church. Ever since we have started trying to conceive, I have dreamed of the day Mother's Day Sunday when I wouldn't have a heavy heart. And if we visit them for the weekend, we will not make it to church.

I really hesitate to make a big issue about it, lest I/we seem like a prude or a "holier-than-thou" person. I really do not look down on people who don't go to church regularly- confession, I was there at one point, too. It is not that I think I'm better than anyone- it has just become part of my week that I really cherish. And especially this Sunday, it is what I have been dreaming about for years.

Our options seem to be-
*Drive up to and back from their house in one day (Saturday). This would leave us probably 4 hours of time hanging out with them and my two BIL's. We would also miss the "Mother's Day Brunch" they suggested we make at their house on Sunday morning. The "con" is that it is a long day to drive up an back the same day, but the "pro" is that if the dogs don't get along, we don't have to endure any more time of it, and that we'd be able to go to our home church on Sunday.

*Stay overnight and find a church with a very early service and go before brunch. The "con" of this option would be that we'd have to leave our dogs in the small bedroom where we stay, and I'm not sure they would appreciate that. (Because of the new puppy, we just don't trust them to be roaming on their own in the rest of their house without us there. Not that we don't trust our dogs per se, we don't really trust his parents' to keep an eye on how the three dogs are interacting.) The other "con" is that they would probably crack some jokes about our going to church (don't really appreciate them looking at this habit condescendingly).

*Stay overnight and skip church. Of course the "con" is that it would be contrary to my dream come true to go to church as a mom on Mother's Day, but the "pro" is some brownie points in family politics, and of course I think it is inherently nice that we'd be with his mom and the rest of their family on Mother's Day.

I really don't want to make an issue out of it with them, and so this morning when I woke up, I thought maybe we should just go with option #3. But......

I wonder how many versions of these in-law posts there will be!!!

Celebration

Please join me in celebrating TeeJay's BFP and praying her betas look great and this baby is here to stay!!!