Not looking good

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

BFN and some light pink spotting this morning.

11dp3dt is pretty stinkin late for implantation spotting. Mr. A hugged me as I told (cried) him about the negative test, and he chivalrous-ly comforted me to just wait until tomorrow. He is the sweetest thing ever.

Among other things, I am embarrassed that it didn't work. What on earth is wrong with me? I don't even want to see my RE. All I want to do is go to the lab to get my beta, find (and brew) the most expensive bag of flavored coffee on the planet, get a breakfast bagel sandwich at the local place, and not do my work today.

But I will wait till tomorrow. If for nothing else because Mr. A (God bless him) is not convinced that it didn't work. And I'm not one to crush anyone's hope for a baby, especially my dear husband's hope.

30 comments:

Leah said...

Oh A. I'm sorry if it didn't work. I do love Mr. A's optimism though, and I'm going to continue holding out hope as well.

Thinking of you.

Praying for Hope said...

I'm sorry.

Thankful said...

Oh, hun. I am sorry it isn't looking good - but I love Mr. A's optimism.

Melissa said...

I'm sorry A. Please don't feel embarrassed; I'm thinking of you guys.

sonja said...

I am really sorry, A. I have been thinking of you and will continue to keep you guys in my prayers ...

*hugs*

Katie said...

Oh, sweetie. I am so incredibly sorry. But please don't be embarrassed. There is NOTHING wrong with you.

(((hugs)))

I'm still holding onto hope.

Coco said...

I am so sorry sweetie! Lots of love and hugs your way. Go and get a GIANT chocolate shake and pamper yourself today. There's nothing to be embarassed or ashamed about. I know it feels that way. But I honestly look up to you as a pillar of strength and an amazing woman. I wish more women were like you. I wish more women who ARE mothers cared as much about the children they have as you do about the ones you are trying to get. Hang in there.

Just Me...C said...

I am so sorry hon. I know the disappointment etc is just overwhelming right now. Many hugs.

suchagoodegg said...

I'm sorry, A. I will hold out hope with Mr. A and hope tomorrow brings you a great surprise.

Please *do not* be embarrassed. This isn't your fault and there's nothing you did (or didn't do) to be embarrassed about. Your doctor's job is to get you knocked up...so if it didn't work, well, sack up doc, because your work is not yet done.

xo

One Who Understands said...

I am so sorry. This really sucks. My sweet hubby believed ours worked until the very end as well. Even after a negative test at home. It really isn't over until the beta. Just wait and see what today brings.

AplusB said...

I'm so sorry for the BFN today. I love Mr. A's hope and optimism and will be praying he is right.

Ashley said...

I am so so sorry. :( Please know that it's nothing to be embarassed about, but I know that it is so difficult to not feel that way. I love your Hubby's outlook and I'm praying that he's right!

callmemama said...

So sorry sweetie :(. I'm so glad our husbands are optimistic - wouldn't just fall into a pit of despair without them?
((Hugs))

T said...

This is so flippin unfair!! You do not deserve this!!

RachelP said...

I don't know that I have anything that will make what you're feeling any better, but keep fighting, and don't let hope die. God Bless your husband. I think some husbands are good at being hopeful when we can't be. I've learned through out everything that my husband really does a good job of that.

Also, it struck a chord with me when you said you felt embarassed. I was shocked at how much embarassment/shame I felt after my miscarriage. It's a strange emotion to have amongst all the others, but I think it's all part of the grieving/healing process.

Let us know the beta results tomorrow. You are in my prayers.

TeeJay said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. Reality sucks and that's all there is to it. I'm taking a page out of your DH's book here....some people spot early in pregnancy. Until that beta comes back, you are pupo. Hang in there and I hope you get a big surprise. Sending you some ((hugs)).

Kacey said...

I'm still praying and will continue to pray.

Al said...

I'm so sorry for the crappy day and the BFN this morning.

I hope and pray that Mr A is right though. Holding out hope for you.

*hugs*

Jenny said...

oh no :( i'm so sorry. praying for a miracle...

BelowAverageAthlete said...

That just stinks! I hope it is different tomorrow. Big hugs!

Stacey said...

Sending BIG HUGS your way as you wait for tomorrow. Definitely you should NOT feel embarrassed about this. Keep your chin up and keep moving forward, my friend.

Grace said...

Please don't be embarassed, nothing is wrong with you! Sometimes we just don't understand..I've been there and I pray the Holy Spirit comforts you. xxx

lowfatlady said...

I am sorry you got a bfn. don't be embarrassed though. This is not your fault and it's just not fair.

Ann - Building a Nest said...

I'm so sorry.
I don't think you should feel embarrassed, but I completely understand that feeling.
This is going to happen for you. Some how, some day. Don't let go of that.

JC said...

I'm so sorry A. =( I have tears in my eyes for you. It's not your fault! You are amazing and this is not your fault and I wish you didn't feel embarrassed. Hang in there sweetie. I hope Mr. A continues to comfort you and and be a wonderful supportive hubby like he is.

Hillary said...

Oh, A, I am so sad to read this. While I hold out hope with Mr. A, I know what you are feeling all too well...that place of knowing without knowing. I am so sorry.

Please know I am praying for you - the prayers of others have truly uplifted my soul in times of suffering. God is good.

A Psalm that encouraged me yesterday (Psalm 40:1-2, 11-13):
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

...Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;may your love and your truth always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.

Leslie said...

I am so sorry but am glad that you have the support & love of your DH. I know that helped me so much when we got our BFN after our IVF a little over a year ago. Please do not feel embarrassed - you are definitely not alone. I will be hoping & praying that you are one of the women who has a neg HPT & + beta!

Jane said...

It's not over 'til it's over. I'm going to be praying for you and your little embaby tonight. Good luck tomorrow!

Shanny said...

Big (((hugs)))

Heather said...

Huge, huge hugs for you sweetie...I've been there and had those exact thoughts and feelings. Praying for your heart as you continue to wait.