Sweet Punch in the Gut

Thursday, May 27, 2010

This afternoon, after driving 5-hours round trip to my office for three meetings today, I collapsed onto the couch and opened my personal email to see if I had any new mail.

Of course I did. Good thing it was time for me to walk Banana. Gave me reason to close the laptop almost as soon as I opened it.

On the walk, I texted my similarly-babyless friend K: "Another friend preg w number 2. What a punch in the gut."

But it's probably the sweetest punch in the gut I've ever received.

About a month and a half ago, I opened up to this apparently pregnant-again friend of mine (who already has one child) about our struggles, and she has been perfectly supportive ever since. I couldn't have imagined a more compassionate response (and it's what I hope for from my other friends once I tell them, although I doubt they will respond that way). She is pretty much as close to what we infertiles always hope for as far as support from a friend. (I can't leave out that I have another awesome friend H who is equally as spectacular in the support department- she even reads my blog sometimes!)

And true to form, she emailed me my own email to tell me about her newest pregnancy, and it was sensitive and careful (literally, full of care) and tender. If she didn't google "how do I tell my infertile friend about my pregnancy" to know what to write, I think she should start a side business as a fertile friend consultant when it comes to dealing with their infertile counterparts. In fact, to show you that these things are not just figments of infertile's imaginations, here is what she wrote to me:

I am going to send out an update here shortly, but wanted to send you an e-mail first. I almost feel bad telling you this, because of everything you've been going through... but, (hubby) and I are having another baby. I just wanted to tell you in a format other than a mass e-mail. I cannot wait for the day I hear this news from you. We pray for you guys all of the time, and I really hope you don't have to wait much longer.

I am serious! This is what she wrote! Is that not the most perfect announcement you have ever read?! Don't you worry, I will let her know how amazing it was!! It brings tears to my eyes every time I read it.

But of course, as sweet as her email is, it's still a punch in the gut.

(This next part of this post is brought to you by my heart only. When my heart wrote this part, it was not communicating with my head, or any part of my brain that holds what I know by faith. It's just my heart talking.)

It is unfathomable that after all we have been through the last few months, our baby went to someone else. Who already has a baby, for pete's sake!!! I mean, God, when will You stop giving our babies to other people? When will You give our babies the right directions, to our house with its three extra empty bedrooms?? I mean really, it wasn't enough that our last cycle failed? We have to be beaten down again while we can barely get off the ground?

(Okay, enough of that. I know God didnt' give our baby to someone else. But my heart was just wondering...)

Mr. A told me to try not to be disappointed. Sure, I can try. He assures me our day will come. If I'm someone's punch in the gut, I sure hope I'm as sweet as my friend was to me today.

24 comments:

lowfatlady said...

I feel the same way a lot of the time. I mean one of my friends on fb is pregnant with her THIRD. sheesh. That is such a nice way to tell you she is pregnant. Good for her.

Rachel said...

That is the sweetest email. I wish everyone could be that tactful!

Amy said...

Such a well written email from your friend and your post is equally beautiful. I pray we can all be someones sweet punch in the gut one day.

Ann - Building a Nest said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ann - Building a Nest said...

So sorry, A. I can completely empathize with your heart in the last bit. I felt the same way as everyone (just about) was getting a bfp and I was going through another m/c. You have to move past it but it does sting.

Adam and Julia said...

I feel that way ever time I hear the news of another friend preggo...especially with #2. It sucks so bad! You are not alone, and I am proud of you for being so strong.

Amber said...

I've been following your blog for a month or so, I can relate...we're going on ivf #3 in July. You have an amazing friend!! My bff told me first with her first preg...then didn't tell me at ALL with her second. I read it on her blog. I really felt hurt. I also understand the blow...couldn't God time it out better for us???

Ashley said...

I just found your blog and I really appreciated how honest you are! We are dealing with our own infertility issues and it is so neat the email that your friend sent you. I have had several friends recently find out and it is a punch in the gut! I will be praying for you!

HollyT said...

Wow, incredibly sweet. I am so happy that you have someone so wonderful like that in your life. I've been lucky enough to be graced with my sister and a close friend who've been nothing but absolutely supportive. I know it's meant a lot of difference when times were bad.

And to your heart, I'm so sorry. I hope so much that it won't take long for your baby to find his or her way.

Jessica said...

If you have to hear that your friend is pregnant that seems like the best way. We all need friends like that!!

Al said...

So sweet of her to reach out to you like that. Perfect.

But yes, still a punch in the gut.

Hang in there, A, will be thinking you.

Ashley said...

She sounds like a wonderful considerate friend. What a perfect e-mail...well as perfect as a preggo announcement e-mail can be. Praying for you guys to have your little bundle very soon!

Ask or Imagine said...

I am sure you will be very kind and tactful when you deliver your own punch to the gut to the blogosphere! =)

Praying for Hope said...

News like that, no matter how gently it's broken, always comes at the worst times. It's amazing. It was nice of her to try to soften the blow. Somethng like that is always appreciated.

callmemama said...

I'm glad she had the grace to tell you that way, ahead of the mass email. What a blessing.
I completely understand you thinking that someone else is being given your babies. It does feel like that sometimes, doesn't it?

Coco said...

What a good friend. I am so glad that she is so caring and concerned. But, it still sucks. As much as you are happy for her, it still freakin hurts.

RachelP said...

I like the term "sweet punch in the Gut." I once told my pregnant friend. I wish it didn't knock the breath out of me everytime I got a pregnancy announcement. She understood. The ones that love you the most know how to carefully handle us.

the misfit said...

Your friend is awesome. If you have to hear that, I think that is the ideal way - and not a phone call, so you don't have to summon up all kinds of false cheer on a few seconds' notice.

And you're totally entitled to feel that way. I never feel that my babies are being redirected elsewhere, because I don't view myself as entitled to any babies - I just don't have your hope. (If I got pregnant, I would probably assume that I had gotten someone else's baby.) But think of it this way - your anger and hurt are a function of the fact that you continue to trust in God to bless your marriage with children. You can't be angry with God if you don't expect anything from Him.

AplusB said...

That is the sweetest email. Gosh, she must be so compassionate. You're lucky to have such a sensitive friend! I know it still stings, especially after your IVF cycle. (((hugs)))

Basic Girl said...

That was so sweet, and I had to laugh when you said she must have googled how to write that letter...hah! But really, you're so lucky to have someone who gets it...usually its the other way arouund. And while it totally still feels like a punch, at least she pretty much knew it would be and tried to make it as soft as possible. Thinking of you hun!

Jane said...

Your friend's email made me cry. And I never cry. It was so sweet and yet so sad. The last sentence especially: "I really hope you don't have to wait much longer." I really hope you don't have to wait much longer, either. And I hope I don't have to wait much longer. And I hope no one else out there who is hoping for a baby has to wait much longer.

Grace said...

That is such a sweet email..it's so nice when people are considerate.

Soon our days will come!!!

suchagoodegg said...

This post hurt my heart in the way my heart hurts every day when I think about my friends, with babies, blessed with #2, #3, and #4. I know it was your heart and not your head/faith writing...but I thought you should know. It is immensely comforting to hear someone else has these dark, dark, painful thoughts when pregnancy announcements abound Ugh, it hurts. Loves to you my friend. Stay strong, I am thinking of you. We can be rocks for each other!!!

Hannah said...

Oh, I had a similar thing happen with a friend of mine. She was sweet, but oh, she was my only friend that didn't have kids yet. So, it's still tough.
Hugs!