Sweet Punch in the Gut

This afternoon, after driving 5-hours round trip to my office for three meetings today, I collapsed onto the couch and opened my personal email to see if I had any new mail.

Of course I did. Good thing it was time for me to walk Banana. Gave me reason to close the laptop almost as soon as I opened it.

On the walk, I texted my similarly-babyless friend K: "Another friend preg w number 2. What a punch in the gut."

But it's probably the sweetest punch in the gut I've ever received.

About a month and a half ago, I opened up to this apparently pregnant-again friend of mine (who already has one child) about our struggles, and she has been perfectly supportive ever since. I couldn't have imagined a more compassionate response (and it's what I hope for from my other friends once I tell them, although I doubt they will respond that way). She is pretty much as close to what we infertiles always hope for as far as support from a friend. (I can't leave out that I have another awesome friend H who is equally as spectacular in the support department- she even reads my blog sometimes!)

And true to form, she emailed me my own email to tell me about her newest pregnancy, and it was sensitive and careful (literally, full of care) and tender. If she didn't google "how do I tell my infertile friend about my pregnancy" to know what to write, I think she should start a side business as a fertile friend consultant when it comes to dealing with their infertile counterparts. In fact, to show you that these things are not just figments of infertile's imaginations, here is what she wrote to me:

I am going to send out an update here shortly, but wanted to send you an e-mail first. I almost feel bad telling you this, because of everything you've been going through... but, (hubby) and I are having another baby. I just wanted to tell you in a format other than a mass e-mail. I cannot wait for the day I hear this news from you. We pray for you guys all of the time, and I really hope you don't have to wait much longer.

I am serious! This is what she wrote! Is that not the most perfect announcement you have ever read?! Don't you worry, I will let her know how amazing it was!! It brings tears to my eyes every time I read it.

But of course, as sweet as her email is, it's still a punch in the gut.

(This next part of this post is brought to you by my heart only. When my heart wrote this part, it was not communicating with my head, or any part of my brain that holds what I know by faith. It's just my heart talking.)

It is unfathomable that after all we have been through the last few months, our baby went to someone else. Who already has a baby, for pete's sake!!! I mean, God, when will You stop giving our babies to other people? When will You give our babies the right directions, to our house with its three extra empty bedrooms?? I mean really, it wasn't enough that our last cycle failed? We have to be beaten down again while we can barely get off the ground?

(Okay, enough of that. I know God didnt' give our baby to someone else. But my heart was just wondering...)

Mr. A told me to try not to be disappointed. Sure, I can try. He assures me our day will come. If I'm someone's punch in the gut, I sure hope I'm as sweet as my friend was to me today.