Why Husbands are Great

Friday, May 21, 2010

Gosh, thank you all for your prayers and hugs. I could never have asked for a more supportive group of friends. You are invaluable!! I so wish we could all meet up!!

Of course we are beyond disappointed our little embie did not stay with us here. Of course we will always remember him/her and can't wait to meet him/her in heaven. Of course I have cried on and off the last 48 hours. Of course we are praying that God has an even more awe-inspiring baby coming our way during this break. Of course this setback in building our family has reminded that we have each other and that we are a great team.

And, this is why God gave us great husbands.

Because although they grieve, too, they grieve differently than we do...in my experience, more objectively or suscinctly, if that makes sense. And after coming home early, giving one of those awesome hugs that only husbands can give, they remind us that we will get through this. And did we want to go play in the yard on this beautiful afternoon?

Specifically, do we want to go play with this?

We treated ourselves to one of these a couple weekends ago, and due to my having been PUPO, I hadn't gotten a chance to try it out. And since I am usually the one who mows the yard, and I love puttering in the veggie or flower garden, this therapy for the crushing news of the day couldn't have been more healing to me. We spent the afternoon taking turns doing donuts in our yard (I mean, responsibly mowing the yard in systematic and methodical rows), trimming the edges, pulling weeds, and admiring the colors of the flowers and the height of our pea plants and the tons of buds on our raspberry and blackberry bushes. By the time me and Banana went on our walk, you would have never guessed our hopes had been dashed a mere 5 hours prior.

Maybe some people would say we're bordering on denial, but I would have to disagree. We would love to have celebrated a positive test, but instead we celebrated us- going through all the shots, appointments, procedures, only to receive a negative result without collapsing in despair is no small feat. We are not pretending the negative beta never happened, but we are healing from this disappointment in the way we'd like to show our kids how to heal from a disappointment, and in this way, we feel like we're honoring our first kiddo (who will hopefully pull some strings for us now....are you listening kiddo??? haha! obey your parents!!).

Mr. A is confident we will be pregnant. And you know what, I am alllllmost 100% with him. No matter what, though, we are confident that God will expand our family in His perfect time. The peace we have is really bizarre (surpassing understanding, Phillipians 4:6-7). The thought that has come to me is that God will use this IVF bfn to show me His amazing greatness. It's as if He is saying to me "I have led you through all these procedures, and I know it doesn't seem right that they would not work. But I have done this to show you that while I can work miracles in conjunction with advanced technology, I can just the same work miracles with even the humblest of circumstances- you, just as I created you."

I often struggle to hear God. But as I have prayed to trust Him through this valley, that "message" from Him has really quieted my frenzied heart. I can't wait to see what circumstances God uses to bring new life to our family! I am grateful for the faith and peace to see beyond this "failure" and excitedly anticipate what good will come of it!

In the meantime, I am enjoying my hazlenut coffee more than is imaginable. I may even meet my sister at the winery down the road for an afternoon this weekend. Who is coming with me?

18 comments:

Hannah said...

Oh, I would love to come with you! You are right, that is definitely no small feat. It is huge to be able to find joy in each other and the blessings of life in the face of losing your little embie. I'm so sorry for you both but so proud of you too. While your post made me want to cry, it was so inspiring too. I do believe God will give us both our families, and in the meantime we are so blessed with such wonderful husbands!
HUGS!

Rachel said...

There's a Puritan Prayer (you know I love the old stuff :) called the "Valley of Vision". When you refered to your valley this line came to my mind..."the valley is the place of vision. Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine." I want you to know that you are in my prayers. And thank God for our godly husbands. They are such a gift!

Leah said...

I'm so sorry for your BFN, but how wonderful that you have such a supportive partner in life. Thinking of you A.

Coco said...

You are just amazing. And your hubby sounds quite awesome as well. I simply loved this post. I know it's still hard and the hurt doesn't go away, but I love how you chose to channel it. I so need one of those lawn mowers! Yeehaw! :)

TeeJay said...

I admire your optimism. It's tough to move on an accept that it didn't work but you are off to a great start. We just got our new Deere, too. The husband used it last Saturday and I did some doughnuts in the front yard. :-) There's nothing like admiring the miracle of the great outdoors when you are feeling sad that your particular miracle didn't happen this time. (((hugs))) to you and your great husband.

Jane said...

Afternoon at the winery? Yes, please!

So glad that you two have each other - it's so important to keep focused on the good things in life while going through the bad things.

AplusB said...

You are amazing. I really admire your strength and determination. I love how you are able to find and focus on the positives. Keep it up!

Grace said...

It's right to grieve but in our grief we must never lose sight of the wonderful things we have in our lives..wonderful husbands/marriages being top of the list.

The Lord will bring your desires to pass..sending you loads of e hugs!

Thankful said...

I have to admit - driving around a lawn tractor could pretty much make my day, too! I am sure your yard looks absolutely beautiful. Hugs and prayers!

Stacey said...

I am so sorry, sweet friend. As always, your spirit and determination are awe-inspiring. You're in my thoughts and prayers during this time.

I'm so happy that you find so much joy in your life on a daily basis. One of the things that kept me going during some of the darkest times of my years with pregnancy loss was that my husband ALWAYS believed that we would one day have a baby. He didn't waver or doubt even when I did. Praise God for husbands who keep us going!

Sending you tons of love and hugs!

Kacey said...

Wow, you are such an inspiration, and you are already being a great mother to your unborn children by your example. Your faith is truly remarkable. You are such an example!!

JC said...

I'm glad you and Mr A are doing well. You really are an inspiration and amazing couple. It's great to read your blogs. Since our last failed IUI we're breaking for a while and we are really enjoying each other a lot lately too! It's great to get back to just being husband and wife and really enjoying what we do have and the perks for it just being us. I hope you guys have a great weekend. And I continue to pray for you. ((hugs))

Hillary said...

I'm so thankful God is giving you peace today. May he continue to bless you through your husband and the small joys in life.

Last night my husband told me he had listened to a sermon mp3 earlier in the week about marriage. One point of it was that the marriage relationship is the most (meanigful? I can't remember the exact word he used) earthly relationship. Anyway, DH told me we are still a family even without children and that we are so blessed to have each other.

Ask or Imagine said...

I love your outlook - the celebration of your marriage in good times or bad! God is still working out your story, and there are miracles to come.

julie said...

Im so sorry about your BFN. Remember that many IVFs take more than one try to work!
I hope that you keep your positive and peaceful outlook. Thinking of you!

HollyT said...

I'm so very sorry. This post though was absolutely beautiful. So many people, for so many different reasons, could learn from this.

sonja said...

*big hugs* I'm sorry again for your BFN but am glad you have such a wonderful husband to support you through it and to help in the healing process.

Mr. & Mrs. Jones said...

Hi there! You don't know me, but you have been added to the list of sweet strangers that God uses to encourage me. I've been following your journey for the past couple weeks, and am stirred by how faithful your heart has been to His purposes. You've rejoiced over the life He gave you, right from the moment of conception. And you've refused to let the enemy steal your faith, right after your heartbreaking loss.

Thanks for being a light on my infertility path today.