Why Husbands are Great

Gosh, thank you all for your prayers and hugs. I could never have asked for a more supportive group of friends. You are invaluable!! I so wish we could all meet up!!

Of course we are beyond disappointed our little embie did not stay with us here. Of course we will always remember him/her and can't wait to meet him/her in heaven. Of course I have cried on and off the last 48 hours. Of course we are praying that God has an even more awe-inspiring baby coming our way during this break. Of course this setback in building our family has reminded that we have each other and that we are a great team.

And, this is why God gave us great husbands.

Because although they grieve, too, they grieve differently than we do...in my experience, more objectively or suscinctly, if that makes sense. And after coming home early, giving one of those awesome hugs that only husbands can give, they remind us that we will get through this. And did we want to go play in the yard on this beautiful afternoon?

Specifically, do we want to go play with this?

We treated ourselves to one of these a couple weekends ago, and due to my having been PUPO, I hadn't gotten a chance to try it out. And since I am usually the one who mows the yard, and I love puttering in the veggie or flower garden, this therapy for the crushing news of the day couldn't have been more healing to me. We spent the afternoon taking turns doing donuts in our yard (I mean, responsibly mowing the yard in systematic and methodical rows), trimming the edges, pulling weeds, and admiring the colors of the flowers and the height of our pea plants and the tons of buds on our raspberry and blackberry bushes. By the time me and Banana went on our walk, you would have never guessed our hopes had been dashed a mere 5 hours prior.

Maybe some people would say we're bordering on denial, but I would have to disagree. We would love to have celebrated a positive test, but instead we celebrated us- going through all the shots, appointments, procedures, only to receive a negative result without collapsing in despair is no small feat. We are not pretending the negative beta never happened, but we are healing from this disappointment in the way we'd like to show our kids how to heal from a disappointment, and in this way, we feel like we're honoring our first kiddo (who will hopefully pull some strings for us now....are you listening kiddo??? haha! obey your parents!!).

Mr. A is confident we will be pregnant. And you know what, I am alllllmost 100% with him. No matter what, though, we are confident that God will expand our family in His perfect time. The peace we have is really bizarre (surpassing understanding, Phillipians 4:6-7). The thought that has come to me is that God will use this IVF bfn to show me His amazing greatness. It's as if He is saying to me "I have led you through all these procedures, and I know it doesn't seem right that they would not work. But I have done this to show you that while I can work miracles in conjunction with advanced technology, I can just the same work miracles with even the humblest of circumstances- you, just as I created you."

I often struggle to hear God. But as I have prayed to trust Him through this valley, that "message" from Him has really quieted my frenzied heart. I can't wait to see what circumstances God uses to bring new life to our family! I am grateful for the faith and peace to see beyond this "failure" and excitedly anticipate what good will come of it!

In the meantime, I am enjoying my hazlenut coffee more than is imaginable. I may even meet my sister at the winery down the road for an afternoon this weekend. Who is coming with me?