Amazed

Did any of you watch Jake and Vienna's breakup interview Monday night? I watched it on hulu last night, and it is UN-REAL. No wonder 50% of marriages today end in divorce. Lucky for them, they were still "engaged", if you can call it that after such a show. Here is my reaction, in a set of letters:

Dear Vienna, I cannot believe how disrespectful you are of Jake. I would never in a million years interrupt my husband the way you do. Even during arguments or disagreements, wives should be respectful of their husbands. (Okay, I know you weren't married, but the point is the same.) Before your next relationship, you should pick up Eggerich's Love and Respect. Undermining your husband is one of the most disrespectful ways you can treat your husband. You should be respectful at all times. I had to laugh at the story during the interview when Jake was saying how you asked him where a certain building was and he told you, but then right in front of him, you pulled out the GPS and double checked him. My husband would have been really upset, too. How disrespectful! You say that you moved to L.A. to support him during his DWTS apperance, but you appear very resentful of the move. Actions speak louder than words- you can't say your supportive and then pout in the corner and then get all teary that people didn't view being all fussy as you being supportive.

....I also had to laugh when you were bemoaning the fact that once the show ended and you guys moved in together, it wasn't as steamy or romantic or kissy. Welcome to real life, honey. I'm not saying that us normal married people don't have our romps in the hay, but it sounded like you expected him to come home and make out with you the minute he walks through the door. Forget it! Marriage is not built only on physical intimacy, sweetie. You can't expect Bachelor-style kissy-faces and fantasy suites every day for the rest of your life. And you know what, if it is true that even emotional intimacy lacked after a while, I'm really sorry about that, but it could be that you were so fussy and argumentative to him that the last thing he felt like doing was cuddling on the couch.

Of course, based on my favorite book above, Jake should have been unconditionally loving to you anyway. It's a circle, see? You are always respectful, and he feeds off that and always shows you love. And then since you feel loved, you're motivated to respect him. And around and around you go in a happy relationship!!! But first you have to reprogram your view that respectful women/wives only sit there with their hands folded and look pretty and do whatever their husband wants. There are respectful ways to disagree with your husband. Nobody's perfect. But you should honor your husband, even when you don't feel like it.

Sincerely, Mrs. A

***

Dear Jake, I watched the last few episodes of your season, and I was shocked with the rest of the galaxy that you chose Vienna. What does your family say? I hope they are supportive of you right now.

I am sorry that your relationship ended so badly. From the interview, it is clear that there was a gross lack of respect of you from Vienna, and as a devoted, Christian wife, I do hope you hold out for a girl who will respect you as the leader of your family. (I know Vienna said you wouldn't find such a girl, but I think you will.) I hope you will find someone who is selfless and willing to truly support you in whatever career you find yourself in. At the very least, I hope you find someone who you can have an level-headed adult-style disagreement with, without all the interrupting and foot stomping and hysteria.

But you should check out the book I mentioned to Vienna above. If you read it, you will find that your duty as a husband is to love your wife. Even when she is fussy, even when she is mad, even when she questions your expertise. It is not easy. But your wife will thrive on this unconditional love, and it will entice her to be more unconditionally respectful. The more you guys practice love and respect in good times AND bad, the more solid your relationship will be. I wish you all the best :)

Sincerely, Mrs. A