Going backwards

Friday, July 09, 2010

So, I think I might be the most fickle infertility patient ever. Especially cozy under my new apathy blanket.

I had made an appointment with the other RE, but especially after their billing comments, I just did not have peace about it. We are not planning on doing any big-time treatments (e.g. injectables/ART) for the forseeable future, so what was emphasized to me in prayer is why not return to my ob/gyn if all I'm going to be possibly doing is clomid/progesterone supps and some 7dpo bloodwork here and there. They might have a way less efficient office (scheduling-wise...just assume you're going to wait half an hour when you arrive for your appointment) and they might consider 6.4 to be an acceptable 7dpo progesterone (which is lower than the RE's acceptable 10, but maybe for the normal population, that is fine?), but I think with the knowledge I have from the past year, I can be a better advocate for myself with any particular test result. Not to mention driving the 5 miles there is so much more attractive than the 45 to my RE's office...

So I called and left a message for my ob/gyn's nurse yesterday (she is so bubbly and helpful!), and she called me back and said that my ob/gyn would like to talk with me to go over the last year and then go from there. She is so different from my RE's nurse, and honestly, just talking to her made me feel so good about calling there and taking this route. So I'm taking that as a confirmation that it's the way to go. I'm meeting with him next Thursday. I do plan on asking him to retest my thyroid. And I think I'll ask for a higher dose of clomid, too. This feels right.

(Time to cancel the other RE's appt!)

In some ways it definitely feels like I'm moving backwards by "switching" to my ob/gyn. But, I'm actually okay with going backwards. Back to the time when we didn't know there was any issue, back to the time when we were so excited to have just the two of us, and back to the time when we were sure we'd be parents.

Maybe I am delirious, but we have been so happy lately. I have been driving with all the windows down, Michael Buble blaring, and me singing at the top of my lungs. Mr. A and I have been chasing each other around the pool, taking Banana for long walks at sunset (although this is mostly because she doesn't like walking at 5pm when it is 300F here!), and dreaming of a great and fun future. We have been eating our home-grown veggies (which reminds me, I tried to make refrigerator pickles the other day with our cucumbers, and I have to see how they taste!), and buying more organic food. I was emailing with my friend K yesterday, and I wrote how it is a little odd and unexpected that we'd feel so stress-free about trying less than 2 months after our failed IVF attempt. But I am thankful for the way my heart is feeling these days. I can only attribute it to grace from God, because logically, I think I should still be grieving and being anxious about what happens next.

Speaking of K, please keep her in your prayers. She is having a rough week in this "IF hell hole", as she so affectionately calls it. We have been praying that God would allow us to be pregnant together, but even if one of us gets pregnant before the other, it will allow us to be an example to the other that God works miracles even in the most difficult and improbable situations.

I know that You can do all things,
and that
no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
Job 42:2


Lisa said...

I don't think it's crazy at all to be excited and feel at peace about this next step! That's exactly what it is...the next step...not a step backwards, but a step forwards in a weird way. :) Who knows what God has up His sleeve!! Can't wait to hear how the appointment goes!

Coco said...

I think it's awesome! Be happy and have joy in what God is giving you and guiding you toward. Make sure when they check your thyroid that they check not only just your thyroid levels (TSH, T3, T4) but also your thyroid anti-bodies (thyroglobulin and perioxidase). Even if your hormone levels are good, if your anti-body count is high then it's bad. Good luck!!!

lowfatlady said...

I'm so glad that you are so happy and enjoying things. That is great. I think whatever feels right to you you should do. I am glad that going to your ob/gyn feels right. I hope he/she is just what you need.

ventingvagina said...

congrats on having a plan! taking a step back could be exactly what you and your body needs. are you going to continue acupuncture?

enjoy your husband, your singing with the windows down, splashing in the pool, banana, and all that life has to offer. you deserve it!

the misfit said...

The joy you have in your marriage is so awesome. Have fun ttc this cycle!!!

Ann - Building a Nest said...

I don't think you are going backwards at all (but you knew I'd say that). I'm wanting to stop injections and go back to clomid b/c of all the cysts I develop and while, in a sense, that seems like going backwards, all I can say is sitting on the bench sure isn't moving forward.

Best of luck on your ob appointment and cycling.

Grace said...

Knowing what God wants us to do and what gives us peace is very important. Sometimes they don't make sense..I'm glad you're at peace A.

Trisha said...

I don't think it's going backwards at all! I've been praying God would give you peace and clarity with the decisions that need to be made. I'm so excited for you and for what's to come! Hold on to your socks :)