Going backwards

So, I think I might be the most fickle infertility patient ever. Especially cozy under my new apathy blanket.

I had made an appointment with the other RE, but especially after their billing comments, I just did not have peace about it. We are not planning on doing any big-time treatments (e.g. injectables/ART) for the forseeable future, so what was emphasized to me in prayer is why not return to my ob/gyn if all I'm going to be possibly doing is clomid/progesterone supps and some 7dpo bloodwork here and there. They might have a way less efficient office (scheduling-wise...just assume you're going to wait half an hour when you arrive for your appointment) and they might consider 6.4 to be an acceptable 7dpo progesterone (which is lower than the RE's acceptable 10, but maybe for the normal population, that is fine?), but I think with the knowledge I have from the past year, I can be a better advocate for myself with any particular test result. Not to mention driving the 5 miles there is so much more attractive than the 45 to my RE's office...

So I called and left a message for my ob/gyn's nurse yesterday (she is so bubbly and helpful!), and she called me back and said that my ob/gyn would like to talk with me to go over the last year and then go from there. She is so different from my RE's nurse, and honestly, just talking to her made me feel so good about calling there and taking this route. So I'm taking that as a confirmation that it's the way to go. I'm meeting with him next Thursday. I do plan on asking him to retest my thyroid. And I think I'll ask for a higher dose of clomid, too. This feels right.

(Time to cancel the other RE's appt!)

In some ways it definitely feels like I'm moving backwards by "switching" to my ob/gyn. But, I'm actually okay with going backwards. Back to the time when we didn't know there was any issue, back to the time when we were so excited to have just the two of us, and back to the time when we were sure we'd be parents.

Maybe I am delirious, but we have been so happy lately. I have been driving with all the windows down, Michael Buble blaring, and me singing at the top of my lungs. Mr. A and I have been chasing each other around the pool, taking Banana for long walks at sunset (although this is mostly because she doesn't like walking at 5pm when it is 300F here!), and dreaming of a great and fun future. We have been eating our home-grown veggies (which reminds me, I tried to make refrigerator pickles the other day with our cucumbers, and I have to see how they taste!), and buying more organic food. I was emailing with my friend K yesterday, and I wrote how it is a little odd and unexpected that we'd feel so stress-free about trying less than 2 months after our failed IVF attempt. But I am thankful for the way my heart is feeling these days. I can only attribute it to grace from God, because logically, I think I should still be grieving and being anxious about what happens next.

Speaking of K, please keep her in your prayers. She is having a rough week in this "IF hell hole", as she so affectionately calls it. We have been praying that God would allow us to be pregnant together, but even if one of us gets pregnant before the other, it will allow us to be an example to the other that God works miracles even in the most difficult and improbable situations.

I know that You can do all things,
and that
no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
Job 42:2