Wow

Our beta at 4w6d is 1123!!!!!! That is like 300 more than what I was hoping for!!!!

Progesterone is 17.9. Nurse said I can take the suppositories if I want, doesn't hurt. (Edited to add that I am taking the supplements, although I am not a fan of the way it feels like I am leaking even more than I already was!! I thought this number was good, until a commenter said it seemed a little low and from what I read maybe it is a little low. But my nurse said it was good, and I remain adamant in my quest to trust that my body knows what to do to keep this little one growing healthy and strong!)

I can't even believe this. We have truly been blessed beyond imagination. Please keep growing strong and healthy, baby A!

She said that is a high enough beta that they don't need me to come for a retest. For the first time since meeting her in 2009, I got some emotion out of her- she said (and you could hear her beaming) "this is so, so great!"... That feels amazing!!

Our first u/s is next Thursday at 830am. We'll be 6w2d.

Our God is an awesome God!!!!

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Life Changing: There are two lines this time

Yes, you read that correctly.

I took a test this morning, and there are two lines. For the first time in 3+ years of trying. I am still kind of speechless.

Back in October, I was emailing back and forth with a friend of mine (are you still reading, SG?), and through our discussion, I came to read Isaiah 66:14. I thought it was such a perfect verse, and I knew I wanted to memorize it so that I could pray first thing whenever I found that we were going to be expecting a baby. Here is what it says:

You shall see,
Your heart will rejoice,
Your body will flourish like the grass,
And all shall know that the hand of the Lord is upon His servants.

So I wrote it on a piece of paper and stuck it to my work computer monitor. Every day since then, I've repeated those words and imagined praying them after getting a positive test. Many days, it seemed like that day would never get here.

This morning, I got that opportunity. I couldn't even do anything else. I sat on the edge of the tub, holding the positive test, tears in my eyes, and praying thanksgivings and repeating this verse.

I went to get the Harley baby pj's that I bought probably 4 years ago, and I woke up a groggy Mr. A to tell him the news. Even in our sleepiness, the excitement was evident and the pups came running upstairs with their tails wagging!! It was very cute. It is a moment I will never forget.

I am going to get some blood drawn for HCG and progesterone, but I am having some symptoms (bb tenderness, some tiredness, headaches if I don't drink enough water), and I am trusting my body to know what to do. I think I am going to order the circle+bloom pregnancy series soon! I loved their natural cycle program!!

It is very surreal to be here. After all the meds, all the procedures, and all the tests that failed last year, here we are, having taken nary a medication since October. We have done nothing for the last three months but eat healthy (natural & organic), take vitamins (wheatgrass, royal jelly, vitamin D3, CoQ10, and prenatal), focus on being happy (yoga, meditation) with what we have (and not pine for what we don't), and go to acupuncture. And somehow, our miracle is here. The old fashioned way. Our precious baby is due on October 4!

We are praying like crazy that our baby is happy and healthy and that we will have a happy and healthy full-term pregnancy.

I have so many reflections. On pregnancy after infertility. On this timing. On what to do with telling my college friends. On how it feels to cry happy tears in church.

I know that I have a few new readers and that I'm new to reading several of you, and I know everybody says this, but I hope you will still stop by, but I understand if it's too much sometimes. I will document my pregnancy just as I have documented my infertility, not with surveys and objectivity, but with sensitivity, longing, and spirituality. I want to try to add another page with any questions I have that specifically relate to babies/pregnancy. I will still do Food on Friday, and I will still talk about our pups.

As Whitney graciously commented recently, one thing I love about my blog (title especially), is that I try to emphasize that this is all a journey. I think it will be applicable to almost any stage of my life, and I fully imagine I will be full of infertility-related reflections during this new leg of my life's journey.

One of my best friends just triggered for her first femera cycle. I texted her first thing!! She has said over and over that our positive test has given her so much hope. That is what I pray for all my readers. I hope that in whatever stage of infertility (or life, in general) you are in, our journey- our "all the way"- will give you hope that all of your heartache will be redeemed someday!!!

Food on Friday

Tomorrow, we are having some neighbors over for dinner. Originally, it was going to be two other couples, but one of the couples has come down with bad colds, so now it will jut be one other couple. I was going to break out my favorite dinner party cookbook (it has 40 seasonally-organized menu's complete with appetizers, first courses, main courses, desserts, and wine pairings!!!!!!! LOVE!!!!), but now I think I might make my favorite beef stew recipe (and cornbread and some kind of dessert). But it sounds kind of pedestrian (HA!) for a "dinner party". What do you think? Ina Garten always likes to serve comfort food at her dinner parties, so can I jump on her bandwagon? I promise it is an amazing recipe...

(adapted from here)

3 Tbs vegetable oil
1-2 lbs beef, cubed
1/4 cup steak sauce
1/4 cup worchestershire sauce
1 packet of stew seasoning (or 1/4 cup of homemade stew seasoning)
6 cups water
1 can tomato sauce
1 can stewed tomatoes
4 medium potatoes, cubed
2-3 carrots, chopped
1/4 cup sugar
3 Tbs butter
1 onion, roughly chopped
cornstarch (if desired)

In a dutch oven or large(r) pot, heat the oil and brown the beef tips in the hot oil. Add the steak sauce and worchestershire sauce. Simmer for 15 minutes. Add the stew seasoning and water, stir. Add the rest of the ingredients. Cook for an hour or longer, until the potatoes and carrots are tender. I like a gravyish stew, so when it is almost done, I ladle a cup of the broth/liquid into a small bowl and add several tablespoons of cornstarch. Whisk this together and pour back into the pot, and stir this around until the sauce thickens. (Repeat if desired until the sauce is how you like it.)

SNOW!!!

We got about 9"!!!! So pretty and fun! (I don't even mind the shoveling!)

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Appreciation

I would like to take today to thank all my friends who have moved beyond infertility to pregnancy and motherhood who still take the time to read and especially to comment. There are so many on my baby bump and motherhood list who I feel like have totally left the rest of us in their dust (and I go back and forth each day wanting to take them off my blogroll and still being interested in their stories), but then again, I don't know how tired you are when you're pregnant or how much time you don't have when you're a mom.

So anyway, to those who've stuck around here after they get their blessing(s), thank you from the bottom of my heart. Infertility is such an isolating time, and it feels great to have friendships that transcend that awful thing.

In general, I think infertility has hurt my friendships more than anything. It hasn't hurt our marriage, it doesn't hurt our dogs (on the flip side, they definitely benefit from it- in fact, I think Bert would still be at the shelter if we didn't have so much love to share!), and yes it hurts me alot some, but nowhere near as chronically as it has hurt my friendships. Friends that I thought would be there for me aren't, but luckily friends who I thought would leave me in the dust haven't. And then there are the gems who I knew would always be by my side. How has infertility affected your friendships?

End of an Era

I decided this week to take a leave of absence from volunteering as a peer counselor at the crisis pregnancy center.

It was not a decision I made lightly, because being a part of their center for the last 2 years has been very rewarding and challenging and worthwhile. But as we try to discern how our family is going to expand, it gets more difficult. And I think it is subconsciously stressful because most weeks, I come home from my shift with a headache. At this point, I don't really need any more subconscious stress!!

When I first started, people around me were surprised that I chose that place as my place of preference to spend some volunteer time. I was surprised, too, given that the clients I would see have stumbled over the very thing that I had been striving towards with all my strength. But somehow, God allowed me to reflect His love and mercy to those clients that I saw, without allowing me to bring my infertility baggage into the counseling room. It was really amazing, and I thought I could go on forever.

But I really think it affects me more than I realize, and until now, I have just pushed it aside. But if we are going to be figuring out what path to take to expand our family or even just trying to be as healthy and strong as we can to try (hope, pray, beg) to conceive a healthy baby on our own, we need to make sure we are in the most supportive environments. Even now, because I have close friends who have been blessed through adoption, I had always cringed when I saw a girl who proclaimed that she could never "give up her baby" for adoption. Would I be able to deal with that as nonchalantly if we were waiting to adopt, even to do embryo adoption? Because we believe those birthparents are also making an adoption plan for their embryos, too, which takes the same selflessness.

So, long story short, I need to find a new volunteering opportunity. (I am technically on a "leave of absence from the pregnancy center, but I am feeling that it might be a while 'till I return, if ever, as a peer counselor.) I think donating your time to others not only helps them, but it helps you, too. The places I have volunteered have enriched my life in amazing ways! I volunteered at the Ronald McDonald House from 2004-2008, and I loved it there. My first thought for my new place is the SPCA (where we adopted Bert). Where do you volunteer?

HA!

My project of super healthy green meals hit a snag last night.

I made this dish with onions, carrots, carrots, corn, peas, KALE, AND COLLARDS last night. Oh, I forgot to mention that it had millet and amaranth for the topping!!! It's from this (mostly) vegan cookbook. Can you believe I bought an almost vegan cookbook when I have a quarter of a cow in my freezer? Hahahaha :)

It used some cool japanese things (mirin, tamari, arrowroot).

I knew this one was a long shot. But maybe if God isn't working miracles with our baby, He would work a food miracle and zap Mr. A into liking dark leafy greens.

Apparently God is just not in the business of sending miracles our way! HA!!

I thought the flavors and textures were really neat. Different than how I usually cook, and I know that those greens are really, really healthy.

I had two bowls!

Mr. A had less than a bite. Then he started making this hilarious I'm-about-to-throw-up face, and I was half laughing and half unimpressed, thinking that he really hadn't given it a chance.

I actually think I will make this recipe again! I will make it when Mr. A is away on business and/or when my super cool vegetarian aunt comes to visit. I will need to half all the ingredients, though, because the full recipe makes a 9x13 dish! HAA!! And the funniest part is that the recipe says "serves 4". I am like, holy cow, these vegetarians eat a TON of greens!!!

I am not being deterred to make all five of the super healthy recipes on my list. Two down, three to go. Hope the next one fairs better in the husband department!

Food on Friday (revisited)

Since I haven't really followed through with my great idea to do Food on Friday posts, and I only ever did two more after that (here and here), and since there is nothing else going on today, I hereby reinstate the Food on Friday tradition, and will do my best to keep it up this time!!!

Here is the recipe for that soup I made recently! If you wanted to make it vegetarian, you could probably swap the chicken stock for vegetable stock, and add large chunks of mushrooms instead of the sausage...

(slightly adapted from this cookbook which I just bought (the author is Owlhaven, link to the right under "food")- it has a ton of great looking recipes I want to try!)

Italian Sausage Soup

1 Tbs olive oil
1 lb precooked Italian sausage* (I got the hot kind), sliced into round pieces
1/2 large onion, chopped
1 carrot, thinly sliced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp red pepper flakes
6 cups chicken stock
2 cups water
4 medium russet potatoes, peeled and cubed
1 15oz can of chickpeas, drained
2 cups chopped spinach
4 slices bacon leftover from breakfast on the weekend

1. Heat the olive oil in a big pot/dutch oven
2. Throw in the sausage, onion, carrot, garlic, and red pepper, and saute until the onion is translucent
3. Add broth and water, and bring to a boil. Add potatoes, chickpeas, and spinach. Turn heat down to a simmer and cook until the potatoes and carrots are soft, 20-25 minutes. (You definitely want the carrots to be soft, but the potatoes should be tender enough but not mushy so you have mashed potatoes in your soup!)
4. Chop or break the bacon into small pieces and sprinkle over the top of the soup after it is in the bowls.

*: I guess technically you woudln't have to precook the sausage- you could cut it into rounds, and saute/cook it first before throwing in the vegetables, etc.

PS. This makes quite a bit of soup- I'd say 5-6 or so healthy servings. It warms up nicely in microwave as a lunch for subsequent days, but if you are not into leftovers and don't have many mouths to feed, I'd say half all the ingredients...

Life Changing

Yesterday was a life-changing day.

My little brother (who is 9 years younger than me and definitely pee'd on me at least once while I was changing his diaper) was accepted into a very prestigious specialized program for one of the branches of our military.

He had endured months of preliminary interviews, hours of special studying for technical interviews, and tours of bases and vehicles, all culminating in a 3-hour official technical interview (yes, they give you problems, and you have to work them out right then while everyone is watching- SCARY!!) and an interview with the first in command of this particular program of this military branch.

Not exactly a walk in the park.

After the interview with the head honcho, little brother was led into the hallway, and 30 seconds later the assistant came out of the office and said, Congratulations, you're accepted.

And that's that. Starting yesterday and for the forseeable future (after he graduates from college in May), he will be associated with a select, well-respected group of people, and for the rest of his life, this amazing opportunity will enhance all of the rest of what he will do. His life will never be the same, and from all indications, this is definitely a game-changer in an incredibly good way.

My other sister and I drove up to have dinner with him, and as we were driving home, I was trying to wrap my head around the magnitude of how his life changed yesterday.

I realized what he experienced yesterday is exactly how I think finding out we are pregnant would be. We have endured months (to put it lightly) of tough questions, tours of surgical centers and waiting rooms, and finally after what will probably seem like the most scary trip to the bathroom ever, 3 minutes after taking a test, it will reach out and shake our hand and say, Congratulations, you're accepted. Because after you become a mom, you are associated with a select, well-respected group of people, and for the rest of your life, this amazing opportunity will enhance the rest of what you do. Your life will never be the same, and from all indications, motherhood is a game-changer in an incredibly good way.

It is almost impossible to even imagine all the ways that this is going to change his life. I hope and pray they are all good changes. And similarly, it is almost impossible to even imagine how becoming parents will change our lives. Will he miss his girlfriend when he is away for months? Probably, but it will be worth it when he comes home. Will we miss our quiet evenings? Probably, but it will be worth it when we get to rock our baby to sleep.

one down, four to go

super green healthy dishes, that is.

i am trying to cook more "clean" or "whole", and apparently from my new cookbook on the topic, that includes buying one of every green bunch in the produce section. can you believe i bought collards yesterday?! i have never cooked collards in my whole life! and yet, i have great plans for those suckers and some kale and some spinach under a millet and amaranth crust/topping!! HAAAA!!

poor, Mr. A.

he is a pretty good sport, though. last night i made a soup with alot of chopped spinach (and chickpeas and italian sausage and potatoes and onions and carrots and garlic). he requested a chicken salad sandwich on the side because such a soup could not be filling enough for his manly tummy.

much to my surprise, when he saw the soup ladled into our bowls, he said he probably wouldn't need the sandwich, and he proclaimed himself full after one bowl!

(hope he wasnt just saying that, ha!)

when i do my meal planning, i plan/buy enough for about 15 meals, so luckily for him, the list does include pizza and sloppy joes (dont worry, i'm getting whole wheat buns). but there are four more meals on there that involve copious amounts (maybe not copious, but i've always wanted to use that word more!) of greens and root vegetables that i'm sure he will squinch up his nose at. i'm not even sure i will like a couple of them, but i thought i might as well try something new!

here's to being healthy!

God's will

It's been a while since I've done a post on faith, I think.

Two passages that have stood out to me lately are

Mark 1:40-45

Psalm 40

In the first, a infertile leper goes up to Jesus and says, "If You will it, You can heal me." And whaddya know, Jesus surely does want to heal him, so kapoof, all of a sudden the leper is healed!

In the second, after seeing another negative test being in a pit, David talks about how great God is, how he has put his foot on a rock and revealed His wonderful plans.

So here is what I have been pondering. First of all, I never thought I would envy a leper. But obviously they are closer to Jesus' heart than infertiles, or at least me, because Lord knows I have prayed this prayer a zillion times and apparently it is not God's will to heal me! After the first half of last year, I struggled with praying with "expectant faith" because isn't this just setting ourselves up for disappointment? How many of us pray to be healed every night and still wake up to bizarre bleeding or a perfect cycle ended with a negative or a worrisome adoption situation?

I think what the "right" answer is that we have to pray to be "healed" in a bigger-picture way. Like, please heal me of my endless broken dying heart and show me what I should devote my life to instead. Or something.

And I agree that this would probably be the mature prayer, opposed to some of my foot stomping tantrums in the past. But I think it is pretty unfair that those who long for children are "called" to shoulder an additional burden (aside from having an empty home) by learning to pray with the wisdom of monks instead of how the rest of the fertile population prays (please let me find time to vacuum my minivan today).

From my perspective, it seems that alot of people who turn from trying to conceive to adoption appear to be healed. (And obviously those who are able to all of a sudden conceive on their own or with the help of technology.) Which is all fine and good, except as I've recently noted, we have received a total of ZERO directions on how to build our family.

We are trying to be faithful. We are trying to seek out what God would have us do. We are trying to live this year outside of the awful infertility box.

Which brings me to the second passage.

How nice that God gives some people turn by turn directions and leaves the rest of us off the email. I am so happy that God lifted David out of the pit and gave him a song in his heart and put his feet on solid ground. All of those things would be great right about now for us! But we are left to fend for ourselves.

Every passage we read seems to "say" something different. When we think we are going confidently in one direction, a huge boulder comes crashing to rest in our path.

It is hard to hear people say, just seek the path that God would have for you. It is hard to hear people say, maybe you should stop trying to play God with how your family will expand.

Maybe if I could tell where He's leading us, I wouldn't have to claw around in the dark and just pick what seems the best. Maybe I would be just as joyful as David was if I could feel solid ground underneath my feet.

Sometimes I think that God is trying to tell me to quit my job and change my life to become a sherpa or something. We have always enjoyed backpacking! Or sometimes I worry that the reason I'm not getting pregnant is that either or both of me and Mr. A are going to be awfully injured or killed in some crazy car accident.

It stinks to have no clue what God's will is. So many other people seem to know exactly what it is, and glory be that His plans include a perfect life for them. Even the granting of the leper's request was part of God's will. Why isn't mine?

A glow? Already?

Yesterday, when I showed up to acupuncture, the first thing she says to me is "wow, you have a glow about you today!!"

I am thinking, What? A glow? I could only possibly be a few days past ovulation and I already have a (pregnant) glow? How can this be? That is so nice of her to notice! I had no idea the glow started so soon!

HAAAAAA.

Who knows where this "glow" is coming from, maybe it's from seeing another Parents magazine that showed up in my mailbox yesterday!!! Honestly people, I promise I don't have a subscription!!

Or maybe it's from my new face soap or morning yoga or eating organic or the brisk morning walks when it is 10F outside (brr). Goodness knows it couldn't be from a pregnancy. That would be too normal! Stuff like that doesn't happen to me!

I decided to buy the Circle + Bloom meditation series, and I have been listening to my certain day's meditation each morning. It is very relaxing, and kind of neat to really picture what is (could be) happening right now with any hypothetical fertilized eggie. What strikes me, though, is how much focus they do on relaxing. Almost like playing into the stereotype that all it takes is relaxing to conceive... I know that stress does cause your body to go into a defense mode that is perhaps not totally conducive to conceiving, but it is interesting that so much of the meditations are focused on relaxing.

But I guess that is the point of meditation, huh? I really do like the program (they have one for IVF/IUI, too), though. If you are looking for a way to balance relaxing (what everyone tells you to do) and the stress of trying to conceive, I'd totally recommend it. Right now my fertilized eggie is cruising down a totally open fallopian tube! Go baby, go!

Maybe if you relax, you will have a glow, too ;-)

Yup

Thanks for all your encouraging comments on my post yesterday! It is good to know that we weren't off base being floored by the quoted homestudy cost.

Because of all your helpful suggestions, I did email the agency and ask if we had to use their satellite office here to do the homestudy. They said if we want to be a part of their program, then yes indeedy, we have to use them. (And I did listen to the fateful message from Monday afternoon, and unless I am again hallucinating, she says very clearly that the cost is $5k. Crazy!) If we want to just sign up with their most preferred clinic (in TN), then the homestudy can be with whomever we want.

Well, if we are just going to sign up with a clinic, we'll sign up with the one 45 minutes from here, not 5 hours from here, thankyouverymuch. Not to mention, our clinic doesn't require a homestudy at all.

And last night, while chowing down on homemade enchiladas from this cookbook, we talked about other stuff, like if we have enough wood left for the rest of the winter (crap, we don't think so) and how the dogs were good pups yesterday (no one tried to eat anything contraband) and how we think it is funny that our financial advisor's annual meeting is at the Golden Corral (HA!!!) and what is going on with our jobs.

But I think here is my suggestion to us: I will go and get established at the clinic close to here and put our names up for any embies that become donated. (My RE and this clinic share the same lab, so they already have access to my file, so I'm hoping the "establishment" will be fairly seamless.) In the meantime, we will begin saving for a potentially big family-expanding bill. If there are embryos that come up for donation, we can decide whether or not to adopt them at that point. If it comes to the time where we have enough saved for the shared risk IVF, then we will go with that. Of course, we will still enter into IVF with the utmost respect for any life that God decides to create during the cycle.

I reserve the right to change my opinion at any time ;-)

Yoga this morning and acupuncture this afternoon- should be a good day!

All turned around

Just when I thought we were seriously going in one direction, we are all turned around again.

We wanted to do embryo donation / adoption through a well-known well-reviewed national agency. However, they charge $4k to be in their program, and that doesn't include any costs associated with the actual transfer (medical or medicines), or any charges that the donor couple would like reimbursed. They also require a homestudy. Maybe I am naive (and to be sure, I had never inquired as to the cost), but I though the homestudy would be maybe $1500.

So, without the homestudy, we are up to at least $8500, not including meds or reimbursment costs.

Enter the homestudy cost. Take a guess what it is.

FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS.

Okay, maybe you aren't surprised, but it knocked the wind out of us. We had already scheduled an appt for Mr. A at a family practice to get his medical approval form filled out, and I had called my RE to get our infectious disease testing results sent to me. After we had already watched the preliminary info materials for this agency, all of a sudden, this embryo adoption is going to cost us around $15k.

We were upset. We felt gilted, nickeled-and-dimed. They should be more upfront with even average homestudy costs. And all of a sudden, we were throwing ideas around such as "why dont we just save an extra $5k and do the IVF three tries money back program ($20k)?"

Which of course, is something I never ever ever thought we'd ever do, and especially not this year. Not because I'm opposed to the money back program (I think it's great, actually, and if we decide to go that route, I pray I am accepted!), but because like I've said before, in a crazy way, I had really looked to 2011 as a med-free intervention-free infertility-accepting year.

I am still interested in embie adoption, but with the success rates of FET's around 30%, and the success rates of fresh cycles around 50%, Mr. A (mister logical) feels like it would be a smarter use of whatever we save for this to just do another fresh cycle, if an embryo donation / adoption is going to cost us nearly twice of what a single fresh cycle would be.

I know you don't have to use an agency with embryo donation / adoption. We have not taken it off the table. But it is so disappointing to be here after feeling like it was the direction to go just a few days ago.

Maybe some people would tell me to not worry about the cost, but we can't deny that part of us. It is just who we are to be careful about our finances and not overextend ourselves if we don't have the money available. I was thinking we could save enough by the end of this year to really (actively) pursue embryo adoption, but now I don't think we can, and if we are going to have to save up $15k, I sort of agree with Mr. A about just saving some more and trying to get into the money back program and try to have a biological child.

I think another part of why I'm still interested in embryo adoption is that it feels safer for me. I know my lining has always been good. But it's the stimming that perhaps I'm not so good at, and if we try IVF again, I'm afraid of failing. I know we would get our money back, but I just don't know if I'm ready to set myself up for that again. Of course this is all moot, because we don't have the money saved up yet (unless we pull from our savings, which I doubt is going to happen). And I know that embryo donation / adoption is not without its pressures, either....

So anyway, here we are, with our vision of how to expand our family as clear as mud. I wish that we were one of those couples who had this clear shift from trying to conceive on their own to whatever path that was going to expand their family, but it's not looking like that is what we have. (Who am I kidding? I wish we were one of those couples who got pregnant on their own!!!) Oh well.

For now, we haven't really talked about it in a couple nights. I think we are both bummed, and I think we both are back to square one- not honestly interested in starting anything else right now and just trying to enjoy each other. Maybe someday we will get a clear kick in the pants!!

Baby, Phone home

The other night, Mr. A and I were just sitting here watching our favorite evening news program, and his cell phone rang.

It was someone from the grocery store up the road. They were trying to find the owner of a cell phone that had been found there, and Mr. A's number was listed as "mom and dad".

Haha!!

Can you believe our baby came back from the future and left his cell phone at the grocery store?! We are going to have to have a talk with him about being more responsible and keeping track of his things!!!

Hehe.

I didn't really think of it that way, but this is what immediately popped into Mr. A's mind. I think it's so cute.

Seriously baby, call, or better yet, come by anytime. We can't wait to hear your voice!!

New blood

I have been taking some time in the evenings to check out the posts on the 2010 Creme de la Creme. There are 265 posts (and counting) from the ALI (adoption-loss-infertility) community, so there is something for everyone, and I want to look at every one, and goodness knows I can't do that in one day!

I have added some new blogs to my bloglist to the right (those still waiting for babies and even a couple of pregnant/mom ones!), and I'm glad to have some new blood around here. So many of my bloggy buddies have achieved pregnancy and/or motherhood in 2010, that I was beginning to think that soon it would just be me, with everyone else in the Baby Bump or Parents of Blessings section!!! So I found some new people who are still waiting to expand their family. Whew! And, if you start reading/following here, welcome!!

And speaking of new, today is the last day of Delurking Week!! I know, I'm late on officially welcoming all my lurkers. According to the stats tab in my Dashboard, I had over 400 hits yesterday, and only 16 of you said hi!!

So, if you are a lurker, say hello! I'd love to hear from you, and visit your blog if you have one :) This community is all about support, and what better way to increase the circle by letting me know you're here and letting me say hi to you as well!

Back to reading a few more of the creme posts! If you are looking for some new blogs to follow, head over to the list (link above)- you will find some great new friends!

Pigs are NOT flying

But I am again having mid-morning yuck (although it is admittedly better than yesterday's). I think it must be the juice (peach mango v8 fusion instead of pomegranate blueberry v8 fusion) to wash down the royal jelly.

It is kind of sad. I think Mr. A was really thinking that the test would be +. He even asked me this morning when I got out of the bathroom- and he is never conversational in the mornings!!! Alas, history has repeated itself. I think it is just hilarious that I took at test on CD11. HA! I mean, that is just ridiculous!!

It is also weird. Any other cycle, I'd be thinking way forward instead of backwards. As in, it's almost potential ovulation time!! Not, gee I wonder if we are all snuggly if it will hurt the baby! Serious mindbending, I tell you.

Also because (BIG ANNOUNCEMENT HERE), we have decided that we are tentatively interested in pursuing embryo donation (embryo adoption).

WHAT?

Ha! I know, given my swearing off of infertility treatments in 2011, you might have to read that line a few times for it to sink in.

We have certain hesitations and reservations about traditional adoption at this point (although so many are called and blessed by traditional adoption, most recently (hopefully) Waiting for Something Beautiful! go give her a virtual hug and prayer!), but there aren't too many aspects of embryo adoption that we don't have peace with. So, we are looking into it- both at our old lab (to see if they have any donated embryos) and with a national agency. Of course the national agency would be more expensive, but from what I have researched, the wait time can be longer with a specific clinic because they don't have as big of a pool. I don't think there is a reason we can't be on the waiting list at our clinic and apply with the national agency, so that is what we're planning on doing.

It is kind of exciting!

Although we ourselves would have chosen limited fertilization if we had had more eggs (in an effort to not freeze any of our embies), there are almost 500k frozen embies in storage right now in the US. We are praying that if this is how God will expand our family, He will motivate the right couple to decide to donate their embies to us!

But this is why it's sad: Last night when we were going to sleep, we had quite the cutest session of pillow talk we've had in a while. Mr. A goes, you know, I hear that when people turn their attention to adoption, that is when we get pregnant.

Oh dear, sweet Mr. A.

Praying that our resolve to "live well in 2011" continues and our 2011 theme comes true, no matter if our family is any bigger in December or not!

Another "why I hate IF"

As you know, I got my period last week. It was brighter red than normal, and at the end, it was still pink spotting instead of brownish. I considered these to be improvements thanks to acupuncture.

This week (Monday, yesterday, and today), I have been so nauseous in the morning that I have literally had to put up an away message for work and lay down with saltines and club soda on the couch for a few minutes. I mean seriously, if I had tested positive on Christmas Eve, I would have expected to start feeling sick about now (6w), and here I am.

Except I didn't test positive, and I was using pads last week!!

But thanks to dang IF, here I lay, clutching my club soda, feeling like I'm going to throw up, and googling "period while pregnant". It's a sad state of affairs. (Dammit if there aren't people who do get their period while they are pregnant!!)

Mr. A thinks I should take a test. I'm pretty sure if it's positive, pigs will fly by my window and it will be a cold day in hell.

I haven't really changed any morning routine- I have been taking my royal jelly with a small amount of juice this week, but I had been doing that before.. I did take a break from that while my family was here, so maybe my body is just getting re-used to it? I am drinking a different kind of juice...

Wake me up when this is over!!

You are what you eat

I hope this cliche is correct, because on the carton of (organic) eggs I bought today there is a big red "FERTILE EGGS" stamped on the top! Hehe :) I refuse to answer if this was the reason I paid $0.50 more for them...

But in all seriousness, I think my body has gotten used to eating organic/naturally. We ate at Outb.ack on Sunday night, and I had some blo.omin onion, and boy could I tell that I had had an unhealthy meal!!

Our freezer is now stocked with a quarter of a grass fed, all natural, no chemical anything'ed local cow! Moo :) We have many steaks and several roasts and a few other packages (cubed steak, etc.), and a ton of ground beef. I will be making burgers by the dozen this summer, so make a point to stop by sometime!!

One of my goals for 2011 is to go to the farmer's market more often for organic locally grown veggies, hopefully every week. My brother in law got me these awesome reusable produce bags for Christmas, and I can't wait to use them!

AND, last week, I made and froze two dinners worth of homemade pasta, and two dinners worth of homemade sausage ravioli! I'm very excited for those dinners!! And with my mixer attachment, making these things wasn't hard at all!

I used to think that eating this way was just for show or just a fad or just for people with dredlo.cks. But we have seen positive changes since we have started watching where the food we eat comes from!

This is probably a boring post. But I'm very excited about the changes we've made to our diet in the last half of 2010. Definitely keeping the trend going!

How are you going to be eating in 2011? What (if any) changes are you making and why?

2011 Theme

"{After all we've been through}, there better be some pretty good shit coming down the pipe."

Can I get an amen? ;-)

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