Thank you all for your comments on yesterday's post!! I will write more about that in a minute, first I have to tell you about the worst morning ever....
I had to be at my office for an 8:30am meeting today, so I drove up last night and stayed with my sister. She rents a townhouse in one of those nice communities that have 800 townhouses and 13 parking spots designated for visitors. Know the ones? And WOE TO YOU if you are a visitor and park in a non-visitor spot. Even if you park in a visitor spot, their HOA has now mandated that you must ALSO have a visitor tag on your mirror. Then you have to do a jig and walk backwards 20 yards and then skip forward 15 feet, but not before asking "Mother may I?"... Well, not really that last bit of stuff... haha!
Anyway, as it happened, the visitor tag I had put on my beads that hang from my mirror fell off the beads sometime after 9:15pm when I left it ON the beads. So when I went out to get in my car this morning, the parking spot was empty. PANIC! When we finally find the towing lot, in the most sketchiest of warehouse districts (thank God for her principal who allowed her to be a tad late for school so she could help me get my car!!), I tell the attendant "see, if you look through the window, you can see the permit tag on the floorboard." Unfortunately for my case, it had landed face down (probability is a bitc.....), but I thought for sure once I showed him the other side, it would be fine for me to not have to pay.
Not so.
He called his manager who devilishly said that since it wasn't hanging on the mirror, they still had to charge me but they'd give me $50 off. WELL THANKS, that still leaves me paying $75 for a freak event of nature!! (I give the attendant lot some credit, as he only charged me $50, but he was not the super-nicest guy either...) Who am I to know when the molecules in the plastic parking pass will adjust and send the pass fluttering to the floorboard?!?!? Next time should I sleep in my car to make sure the pass stays put?
Cue the hysterical tears. I promise it was not for show- I honestly couldn't stop the emotions, and I was so upset. Upset that I had to pay $50, upset that my sister would be late to work, upset that I was late for my meeting, upset that these apparently-heartless fools couldn't have some compassion and decency to give me a break. It's Christmas, for pete's sake!!!! Haha.
I called Mr. A during my hysterical crying and left one of my signature indecipherable messages, to which he called back shortly, worried that I had been hit by a bus. Haha! I love that man!! I was still crying when I walked into my meeting (after, of course, going into the complete wrong building and getting all the way up to the 8th floor before I realized it). I don't make this stuff up!! When I sat down at the conference table, the facilitator looked at my big teary eyes and said gently "We're not going to start for 5 minutes, if you need to go to the bathroom."
Ha!! In other words, "You look like a mess, go pull yourself together!!"
Hahahaha!
Then on the way home, I was still steaming about all of this, and Mr. A encouraged me to settle down because the stress probably isn't good for the baby. Touche. Fine, I'll settle down for the baby's sake.
Speaking of the baby, I am so glad I got the progesterone supposit's. Ever imagine you'd read that sentence? (I was able to get them at CVS, thank God!) I feel very good about having them (Bless you, Ann, for saying "Mama knows best!!"), and so far I have had no leaking. None! Is that odd? Somewhere I read that your body absorbs all the progesterone it needs and the rest is what leaks, and of course I'm hoping that I'm absorbing it all because the baby needs it. Is there any other reason why my body would be soaking it all up? (I'm sure there is... maybe it's so excited to have some progesterone it is just taking all it can get.) I dare someone to tell me that they always had some leaking until they got pregnant and then it was all absorbed because it was needed for the baby...
Low progesterone?!?! (clarified)
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Ever heard of the saying that "If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans"? That is what I feel like is happening now!!
Here I am, trying to be great and not obsessive during this 2ww.
However, since my progesterone hasn't been checked since June (50mg clomid), I asked to get it checked again this cycle. The RE staff assured me constantly that since they could see I had four follicles and I had the trigger shot, my progesterone should be more than fine, but I was just curious so I had them put in the order.
Oh, what did the voicemail say last night? "Progesterone is a little low, so RE thinks you would benefit from some supplements."
OH REALLY?
The nurse didn't leave the actual progesterone level, and she said she would call me first thing this morning to go over the prescription with me so she can call it into my mail pharmacy so they can overnight it to me by tomorrow (Wednesday- 11dpiui). Isn't progesterone something I should be able to get locally?
When she hadn't called by 8:15am, I called her, and low and behold she is out sick today. GREAT! So I called the receptionist, and she said she'd talk it over with my RE and get back with me. So now that it is 8:49am, my foot is getting tired of tapping on the floor...
More than the low progesterone level, I am so upset with myself that I didn't ask to have this checked each follistim cycle. Here we had rockstar follicles this time, and the poor babies aren't getting enough progesterone. I could just kick myself. Luckily, my crazy optimism has worn off on Mr. A because when we were talking about this last night, he goes "Well, just look at it as now we have another piece of the puzzle. We don't even know for sure that you're not pregnant yet, even with the low progesterone. If we have to try again, next time, we'll just do the same thing over but this time with supplements."
God, thank you so much for my husband...
I will update once my RE calls back and I can get the actual number. I just pray that if I'm pregnant, God will protect that baby until I can get him/her some more progesterone!!!
PS. Since I broke my not posting about the 2ww streak anyway, it might be interesting to note that I threw up my dinner from 7dpiui 5 hours later at midnight (8dpiui).....
UPDATE: HAhahahahahaha, I have no freakin idea what the HECK is going on here- my progesterone level was FIVE!!!!! Ha! They are calling in the progesterone (supp's) to my local pharmacy, so I'm going to pick it up this morning. I asked if there was any hope that I'd still be pregnant, and she said, well, progesterone is a funny thing- over 3 means you ovulated, so I wouldn't necessarily give up hope. Ha. Not exactly the resounding, "no way, don't give up hope!" that I was looking for!! Ha!
Clarifications based on comments: I had my progesterone checked 9dpiui (yesterday).. I know you're supposed to get it 7dpiui, but I was out of town and couldn't get there that day. So, I know it might be a little less than what it was at 7dpiui, but FIVE?! That leads me to believe that even the test at 7dpiui would have also been low.
Also, I have never asked for progesterone supplement before, and my RE as never offered. Since I had a good level on 50mg clomid in June, they extrapolate that if you're on big-daddy follistim and the trigger, your level will be just fine. I have been wondering about this since I began follistim, but especially last cycle and this one (our IUI's), and I am so glad I was persistent about them checking. The RE kept saying this morning how my low level was "curious" because they don't usually do progesterone checks on people on FSH. (Maybe I will be a trend setter!) I can appreciate them not wanting to drain their patients of blood, but I definitely should have asked sooner for another test and/or supplements, especially since my non-medicated progesterone was low, too (but higher than 5! Ha! Go figure!). I had never heard the "a level of 3 indicates at least ovulation" either, but that is what they said this morning. I think they just want a higher level to show a stronger/more follicles ovulation? My RE wants medicated cycles to be at least 10.
Thanks for all your comments! Keep them coming :) Incidentally, I hope the baby is enjoying this blast of progesterone ;-) Haha!!
Here I am, trying to be great and not obsessive during this 2ww.
However, since my progesterone hasn't been checked since June (50mg clomid), I asked to get it checked again this cycle. The RE staff assured me constantly that since they could see I had four follicles and I had the trigger shot, my progesterone should be more than fine, but I was just curious so I had them put in the order.
Oh, what did the voicemail say last night? "Progesterone is a little low, so RE thinks you would benefit from some supplements."
OH REALLY?
The nurse didn't leave the actual progesterone level, and she said she would call me first thing this morning to go over the prescription with me so she can call it into my mail pharmacy so they can overnight it to me by tomorrow (Wednesday- 11dpiui). Isn't progesterone something I should be able to get locally?
When she hadn't called by 8:15am, I called her, and low and behold she is out sick today. GREAT! So I called the receptionist, and she said she'd talk it over with my RE and get back with me. So now that it is 8:49am, my foot is getting tired of tapping on the floor...
More than the low progesterone level, I am so upset with myself that I didn't ask to have this checked each follistim cycle. Here we had rockstar follicles this time, and the poor babies aren't getting enough progesterone. I could just kick myself. Luckily, my crazy optimism has worn off on Mr. A because when we were talking about this last night, he goes "Well, just look at it as now we have another piece of the puzzle. We don't even know for sure that you're not pregnant yet, even with the low progesterone. If we have to try again, next time, we'll just do the same thing over but this time with supplements."
God, thank you so much for my husband...
I will update once my RE calls back and I can get the actual number. I just pray that if I'm pregnant, God will protect that baby until I can get him/her some more progesterone!!!
PS. Since I broke my not posting about the 2ww streak anyway, it might be interesting to note that I threw up my dinner from 7dpiui 5 hours later at midnight (8dpiui).....
UPDATE: HAhahahahahaha, I have no freakin idea what the HECK is going on here- my progesterone level was FIVE!!!!! Ha! They are calling in the progesterone (supp's) to my local pharmacy, so I'm going to pick it up this morning. I asked if there was any hope that I'd still be pregnant, and she said, well, progesterone is a funny thing- over 3 means you ovulated, so I wouldn't necessarily give up hope. Ha. Not exactly the resounding, "no way, don't give up hope!" that I was looking for!! Ha!
Clarifications based on comments: I had my progesterone checked 9dpiui (yesterday).. I know you're supposed to get it 7dpiui, but I was out of town and couldn't get there that day. So, I know it might be a little less than what it was at 7dpiui, but FIVE?! That leads me to believe that even the test at 7dpiui would have also been low.
Also, I have never asked for progesterone supplement before, and my RE as never offered. Since I had a good level on 50mg clomid in June, they extrapolate that if you're on big-daddy follistim and the trigger, your level will be just fine. I have been wondering about this since I began follistim, but especially last cycle and this one (our IUI's), and I am so glad I was persistent about them checking. The RE kept saying this morning how my low level was "curious" because they don't usually do progesterone checks on people on FSH. (Maybe I will be a trend setter!) I can appreciate them not wanting to drain their patients of blood, but I definitely should have asked sooner for another test and/or supplements, especially since my non-medicated progesterone was low, too (but higher than 5! Ha! Go figure!). I had never heard the "a level of 3 indicates at least ovulation" either, but that is what they said this morning. I think they just want a higher level to show a stronger/more follicles ovulation? My RE wants medicated cycles to be at least 10.
Thanks for all your comments! Keep them coming :) Incidentally, I hope the baby is enjoying this blast of progesterone ;-) Haha!!
Turn Around
Saturday, December 12, 2009
(First, did you hear that Mic.helle Du.ggar had her 19th baby December 10, three months early by emergency c-section? And that the baby girl weighed 1 lb 9 oz?? WOW. I don't have any specific problem with God blessing them with 19 kids (who am I to question what He does), but I respectfully wonder if her body is growing weary of being pretty constantly pregnant...)
Have you noticed that I haven't posted yet about my 2ww? I have been trying to incorporate my overall dealing-with-infertility strategy of taking the focus off me and trying to see what I can do with this time in my life for others... and so this 2ww, I have also been trying to take the focus off me and post about fun other things. I am secretly keeping track of my symptoms, and I'll be sure to post them when (get it?) we test positive!!
As I was falling asleep last night (after the most awesome sisterly Christmas shopping trip in our tradition's 3-year history) (the kind of shopping day where, when you get home, you only want to look at what you bought and reflect on the great job you did finding great deals on things that will surely bring a smile to people's faces!), I was thinking about how sometimes I feel a little guilty about how I seem to have an easier time with this infertility struggle, without alot of the drastic up's and down's that I read about that others of you are dealing with. I can't tell you how passionately I pray for you when I read that you're having the awful-est of days. It honestly breaks my heart to read your pain- emotional, physical, and spiritual!!
What came into my head last night is how Jesus, who gives us an example of grace while suffering, also gives us another suggestion on how to live our daily lives:
Have you noticed that I haven't posted yet about my 2ww? I have been trying to incorporate my overall dealing-with-infertility strategy of taking the focus off me and trying to see what I can do with this time in my life for others... and so this 2ww, I have also been trying to take the focus off me and post about fun other things. I am secretly keeping track of my symptoms, and I'll be sure to post them when (get it?) we test positive!!
As I was falling asleep last night (after the most awesome sisterly Christmas shopping trip in our tradition's 3-year history) (the kind of shopping day where, when you get home, you only want to look at what you bought and reflect on the great job you did finding great deals on things that will surely bring a smile to people's faces!), I was thinking about how sometimes I feel a little guilty about how I seem to have an easier time with this infertility struggle, without alot of the drastic up's and down's that I read about that others of you are dealing with. I can't tell you how passionately I pray for you when I read that you're having the awful-est of days. It honestly breaks my heart to read your pain- emotional, physical, and spiritual!!
What came into my head last night is how Jesus, who gives us an example of grace while suffering, also gives us another suggestion on how to live our daily lives:
"You shall love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31)
Do you see? This is the verse that popped into my brain as I was trying to think of why I felt so at peace with trying to take the focus off of me and my struggle and instead focus on others and other fun things. Jesus could have said "You shall love yourself as your neighbor", putting the focus on YOU, not others. But instead, His second greatest commandment puts others first. Straight from His mouth, I felt sure that is why this works so well in the search for peace on this bumpy trail.
Christmas is a time when those of us who're fortunate enough to have a roof over our heads and food in the pantry do our best to think of others, so this theme is pretty prevalent in our minds today, regarding giving to others who lack basic things that we take for granted. (That was a tricky sentence. I first wrote "who are not as blessed as we are", but who am I to say that I'm more blessed than they are? Everyone is blessed to play some part in God's plan!)
This Christmas season, try to expand the idea of giving to others and putting others first to your struggle with infertility. Of course it doesn't heal all wounds, especially deep and painful ones, but I bet it will lighten your heart even the smallest bit! I find it especially helpful during prayer time if I have a zillion people to pray for, I have less time for whining about our empty nursery!! I find that, in praying for others before myself, I end up so involved in lifting up their situation that my situation does not seem so helpless anymore. And, if you are not the praying type, maybe keep in mind that things are not always as rosy as they seem: Maybe that 19 year old girl is pregnant, but does she have a loving, supportive place to come home to?
I humbly ask (and thank you) for your prayers for us as we enter week two tomorrow! Praying our dreamed-of miracle is close at hand!!
Christmas is a time when those of us who're fortunate enough to have a roof over our heads and food in the pantry do our best to think of others, so this theme is pretty prevalent in our minds today, regarding giving to others who lack basic things that we take for granted. (That was a tricky sentence. I first wrote "who are not as blessed as we are", but who am I to say that I'm more blessed than they are? Everyone is blessed to play some part in God's plan!)
This Christmas season, try to expand the idea of giving to others and putting others first to your struggle with infertility. Of course it doesn't heal all wounds, especially deep and painful ones, but I bet it will lighten your heart even the smallest bit! I find it especially helpful during prayer time if I have a zillion people to pray for, I have less time for whining about our empty nursery!! I find that, in praying for others before myself, I end up so involved in lifting up their situation that my situation does not seem so helpless anymore. And, if you are not the praying type, maybe keep in mind that things are not always as rosy as they seem: Maybe that 19 year old girl is pregnant, but does she have a loving, supportive place to come home to?
I humbly ask (and thank you) for your prayers for us as we enter week two tomorrow! Praying our dreamed-of miracle is close at hand!!
An Angel's Message
Friday, December 11, 2009
"But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for see- I am bringing you good news of great joy for all the people." (Lk 2:10)
Two years ago (2007-2008), my sister and I were teaching Sunday School, and so last Christmas some of the kids brought small gifts for me (and my sister). We were just about to move to our new house, so although I opened each gift and sent thank-you notes, the gifts (most Christmas-related ornaments, candles, etc.) were re-boxed and put in the Christmas totes. Last year we went to my parents' for Christmas, so we didn't get a tree, so I didn't even unpack most of the Christmas decorations.
This year, when I went to unpack the Christmas totes, I re-discovered the small precious gifts from my adorable students. Admittedly, it'd been so long since I'd seen them, I'd totally forgotten what was hidden in the boxes.
Two years ago (2007-2008), my sister and I were teaching Sunday School, and so last Christmas some of the kids brought small gifts for me (and my sister). We were just about to move to our new house, so although I opened each gift and sent thank-you notes, the gifts (most Christmas-related ornaments, candles, etc.) were re-boxed and put in the Christmas totes. Last year we went to my parents' for Christmas, so we didn't get a tree, so I didn't even unpack most of the Christmas decorations.
This year, when I went to unpack the Christmas totes, I re-discovered the small precious gifts from my adorable students. Admittedly, it'd been so long since I'd seen them, I'd totally forgotten what was hidden in the boxes.
Imagine my quick breath when I pulled this angel out of her case
As I read her tag, my eyes started to tear up:
"Angel of Dreams: Somewhere you will find a miracle to match your dream."
"Angel of Dreams: Somewhere you will find a miracle to match your dream."
Tell me that doesn't speak to your (my) aching, baby-longing heart.
Prayer Request
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I am writing this morning to request your prayers for the client I saw this week at the pregnancy center. When I called the pregnancy center in January to say I'd like to start volunteering as a peer counselor, the director told me she was so happy that I called, and that she firmly believes that God Himself brings clients and peer counselors together. Never have I felt this to be more true than this week.
I can't share alot of the details in the interest of her privacy, but I'll call her "E".
E was a walk-in to our center this week, and while we usually have no space for a walk-in appointment, we did have one for her. And I got to see her. It was an amazing counseling session. She has so much love for her baby (8w), but she is afraid of what her boyfriend will say. She clearly stated that she does not believe in abortion, and if that is what he suggests, she will leave the relationship. She is unsure about whether to parent the baby or whether to place the baby for adoption. She has a wonderful example of a positive adoption situation within her immediate family.
I couldn't help but think of readers who are going through the adoption process right now. As I was talking to E, I was silently praying that whereever you are, there are moms in her same position that are being encouraged to consider adoption as a life-giving choice for their baby.
Please keep E in your prayers, as she weighs her options of parenthood or placing the baby for adoption. Also, E is not a Christian, but she does believe in something bigger than her, so please pray that God would continue to whisper to her heart about the comfort and guidance that He provides, especially when we are scared and can't see where we should go next.
I can't share alot of the details in the interest of her privacy, but I'll call her "E".
E was a walk-in to our center this week, and while we usually have no space for a walk-in appointment, we did have one for her. And I got to see her. It was an amazing counseling session. She has so much love for her baby (8w), but she is afraid of what her boyfriend will say. She clearly stated that she does not believe in abortion, and if that is what he suggests, she will leave the relationship. She is unsure about whether to parent the baby or whether to place the baby for adoption. She has a wonderful example of a positive adoption situation within her immediate family.
I couldn't help but think of readers who are going through the adoption process right now. As I was talking to E, I was silently praying that whereever you are, there are moms in her same position that are being encouraged to consider adoption as a life-giving choice for their baby.
Please keep E in your prayers, as she weighs her options of parenthood or placing the baby for adoption. Also, E is not a Christian, but she does believe in something bigger than her, so please pray that God would continue to whisper to her heart about the comfort and guidance that He provides, especially when we are scared and can't see where we should go next.
Winner and Hilarity
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Last night, I asked Mr. A to tell me a number between 1 and 12 (number of entries on the Giveaway post), and he picked 6!
So.....
The winner of the wine pourer set is....
MELISSA!!!
So Melissa, please email me your snail mail address (email linked in my profile), and we can get the ball rolling to ship the set to you!! Hopefully it will be a great addition to your kitchen!
****
In the "hilarity" portion of this post, I just want to share last night's conversation between me and Mr. A about how much to put in our health savings account for next year (deadline is Monday!)...
me: Since it will be too early to tell if we're pregnant on Monday (9dpiui), maybe we should put in more than this year but not the maximum, in case we actually won't need it to help pay for IVF.
him: Well I just don't want to put too much in there and then lose it if we don't have to do IVF.
me: I'm pretty sure that if we're pregnant, I heard you can use it for accupuncture, and we'll still have plenty of medical things to pay for...especially whatever the insurance doesn't cover for the hospital stay and delivery...
him: Doesn't F.ed Ex charge like $20 for delivery? Why can't the stork use Fe.d Ex??
Hahahahahahahaha!! Thank God for husbands! I guess I'll be calling the stork today to see what delivery options we have (next day? express? guaranteed by August 28, 2010?)!!!
So.....
The winner of the wine pourer set is....
MELISSA!!!
So Melissa, please email me your snail mail address (email linked in my profile), and we can get the ball rolling to ship the set to you!! Hopefully it will be a great addition to your kitchen!
****
In the "hilarity" portion of this post, I just want to share last night's conversation between me and Mr. A about how much to put in our health savings account for next year (deadline is Monday!)...
me: Since it will be too early to tell if we're pregnant on Monday (9dpiui), maybe we should put in more than this year but not the maximum, in case we actually won't need it to help pay for IVF.
him: Well I just don't want to put too much in there and then lose it if we don't have to do IVF.
me: I'm pretty sure that if we're pregnant, I heard you can use it for accupuncture, and we'll still have plenty of medical things to pay for...especially whatever the insurance doesn't cover for the hospital stay and delivery...
him: Doesn't F.ed Ex charge like $20 for delivery? Why can't the stork use Fe.d Ex??
Hahahahahahahaha!! Thank God for husbands! I guess I'll be calling the stork today to see what delivery options we have (next day? express? guaranteed by August 28, 2010?)!!!
"Blizzard" in Photos
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
"What do you mean there is still snow on the ground?"
Landscape just before sunrise
Banana bounding out of the snow "drift"
Sun finally peeking over the mountain!
I forgot to buy new laces for my boots and had to use kitchen string...
Must smell under the pine tree even if she has to stick her nose through 4" of snow!
Banana scouts ahead of me
She is convinced she'll get to grass at some point...
The start of our woodpile after lots of splitting by Mr. A!
One of my favorite trees in our yard
Mr. A's truck was totally full Saturday! He's doing an awesome job splitting all of this!
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