A Better Mother

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I WILL be a wonderful mother.

~Author Unknown

20 comments:

Annie Marie said...

That's beautiful and so true. You will be a wonderful mother someday. Praying it will be soon.

Lori said...

That is very true! I loved these thoughts!!

You are in my prayers!!

JC said...

This was SO beautiful. I couldn't have said it better myslef, and I've had these thoughts as well. You will be a better mother! I'm praying for you!!

Andrea said...

This is SO true. My baby is 6 months old and I completely agree with this. So many women see pregnancy and having young children as a negative thing, but I love being a mom and all of the "work" that goes into it. I feel like telling someone, "you want to know what work is? Let me tell you about trying to have this baby!"

You are going to be a great mom!!! :-)

callmemama said...

This is just beautiful!

So, so true.

Jennifer said...

That is beautiful. Very true!
Praying for you

Lisa said...

I have this saved for a future blog post! Someone sent it to me awhile back and I have it typed up waiting to be posted one day...you beat me to it! Just know you will see it again soon... :)

Hillary said...

What a beautiful little essay! I imagine it will be true for both of us :)

I see that your IVF consult is tomorrow (I think?) That is awesome that you got one right away and already know your next steps. It looks like we'll almost be cycling together. I'm praying for you!

the misfit said...

Beautifully written. (Especially like the part about being willing to share people's pain with them. That's so hard to do when you haven't been there, but so obvious from the other side.) Now I just have to make it come true for me!

Praying for Hope said...

That's about the only positive thing you can from IF: you learn to appreciate what you have, highs and lows. It'll make you the best mom you can possibly be.

Katie said...

This is a beautiful post, and so incredibly true. You are going to be such a wonderful mother, A. Especially after going through what you've been through to get there.

WantWait&Pray said...

I've read this before but needed to read it today AND pass it along to a new friend I've recently met who is starting the testing for a diagnosis after 25 months of ttc.
thank you for posting! :0)

The (Type A) Nightmare said...

Wow. Beautiful. I'm not sure I can add anything to that. Just beautiful.

brigittemarie said...

*tears in my eyes* you will have a very lucky baby :) Praying and praying some more!

The (Type A) Nightmare said...

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BelowAverageAthlete said...

Very sweet post!!! Good luck with your consult.

Shanny said...

This post is so beautiful and so touching. You are in my prayers, and yes you will definitely be a mother. A wonderful mother.

Al said...

Love this. And it's so very true.

Stacey said...

Thank you for sharing this. It puts into words something that I think we all feel and hope for. Love it.

ventingvagina said...

i've read this before, but thanks for posting. i can never read it too many times. i'd like to repost if that's okay with you.