Getting closer

Monday, February 15, 2010

11dpiui here.

I am having a hard time with the emotions this 2ww. You know, the impatience, frustration, annoyance, sadness, fear sort of things. It is so unlike me to be this way- which I think is why I'm having such a hard time with them. Yesterday I was so snappy at Mr. A, before and after church! I didn't even mean to be being snappy! (Not to mention, how disrespectful and ungrateful after receiving the half a dozen roses and the cutest card I have ever seen?!) And even IN church, I whispered some things that were really uncalled for ("hey, your coat smells like smoke" (his friend smokes all the time so he ends up smelling like it sometimes!)). I mean, really, was that necessary? Then I pretty much had big tears streaming down my face for the last couple of songs because they were all about God going before us and us not being afraid and God turning night into day, and I just couldn't hold it together! Then I continued to be tearful all the way to the car, just apologizing for how I was being!

Haha! I was a mess!!

Luckily, Mr. A is the best nap-tucker-in person, and he tucked me and Banana in for a nice nap while he did some overtime in the kitchen. That seemed to help alot- I was not overcome with emotion for the rest of the day! We had a really nice day in the end, and we ended up getting chinese take out from our favorite place for a special dinner treat- of course I was oblivious that it was also the Chinese New Year! That has to be a good coincidence, doesn't it? Haha.

I think alot of people are wondering (Mr. A and I, especially) if it's just the progesterone meds. I have been on them before- is it likely that they'd affect me differently cycle-to-cycle? I have never experienced this before. Of course I'm praying that there's a little baby is to "blame", but I don't really have any other symptoms (of course there are some here and there, but what else is new?).

I think the other reason I might be more on the emotional side is that I'm just nervous of what is next. At this point, we both are peaceful about moving forward with IVF, but we only have enough money in our baby making account for one try. I know it's not up to me to worry about the future, but it's hard not to. We are almost at the end of our baby rope... (Do you hear God chuckling at my limited viewpoint?...)

And yet all the while I'm being conflicted with all of this stuff, I'm just praying that God has a happy, healthy baby for us this time, and above all that I know we'll see His hand in the creation of our family. It is becoming fairly taxing to be praying for two different outcomes. Here's praying that we find out which road He has for us very soon...

19 comments:

The (Type A) Nightmare said...

I feel that pain. I feel some of that emotional turmoil with you. I haven't posted lately because I'm a mess. I think it's okay to be a mess though. I'm in your corner, and I'm so cheering you on. I hope this is the month. (And yes, I do think it could definitely be the progesterone, and the one thing I have learned... and that is consistent, is that my response to a hormone/med is NEVER consistent.) Femara was tough on me this cycle, and I never even have side effects, so... I'm thinking it's the progesterone you're taking. Chin up. Give yourself a hug!

Al said...

I so hope there's a little one to blame for the more emotional than usual A. Those last few days are the hardest - hang in there A! Thinking & praying for you!

Thankful said...

Prayers for a peaceful remainder of your 2ww.

Noelle said...

I think it is perfectly normal to feel so emotional right now. You are in an anxiety-provoking time. I pray that it is a little baby that is causing all of this.

Your husband sounds like a really sweet man. I love it when mine tucks me in too!

I am praying for you right now. I pray that God will answer your prayer in the next few days!

Lisa said...

Man, all these emotions we feel! I hate KNOWING I am acting crazy and feeling like I have no control over it. I don't like feeling like an emotional wreck.

I agree with you about praying about 2 outcomes...with all my heart I want to pray that the Lord will bless us THIS cycle with a pregnancy. But then part of me knows I should be praying for the Lord's will, whatever that may be. But then I also know that the Lord wants us to come to Him and express our desires, so I am back to praying the Lord will bless us THIS cycle with a baby. And then I find myself wondering if I need to pray for His will even if it means no baby this cycle...notice a pattern?
It is a crazy crazy cycle. Praying for you as you go through these remaining days in the 2ww!

Hillary said...

I can definitely relate to those super emotional days, and I think you are right to attribute it to all of those things! Usually it is such a mixture of causes, and, for me, the fears and uncertainties of "what's next" can be a huge trigger. (((hugs))) AND hoping this will all be attributed to early pg symptoms!

Nicole said...

I don't think it's the prog acting differently, unless you changed your administration or brand or something, and even then... probably not. Either you were just too tired, too nervous, or you're pregnant! I am sorry you're having such a hard time :( I think the 2ww is the absolute worst and most emotionally wrecking part of TTC, even IVF. I'd do stim, ER, ET, etc. a lot more readily if there wasn't a 2ww at the end of it. It's just so dang hard! You're almost there. I hope that a BFP is in the works for you!!

Ann - Building a Nest said...

You've got so much going on right now that you are bound to get emotional every once in a while. Take it in stride.
I hope you have a great reward at the end of your 2ww.

JC said...

I hope there's a little bean in there!!! Really hoping and praying. Hang in there! I know it's hard thinking about the future and next steps, it's hard for me too. I'm really hoping this is it!

Leslie said...

I am sorry you are having a hard time in your 2WW. I can definitely understand how hard it is. Please know that you are not alone! I hope that you have wonderful news waiting for you in just a few days!! I am cheering you on and sending lots of ++ thoughts!

Jennifer said...

I just found your blog through another TTC blog. I'm always emotional, but seem to be more so during the 2ww. It's hard not to worry and stress out over the unknown. You will be in my thoughts and prayers the rest of the wait. Hoping for a BFP!!!

Shanny said...

I hope its not only the progesterone, I really really hope. Its sounding promising so far.... =)

AplusB said...

Oh, hang in there A. Hope these next few days go by quickly!!

Jane said...

Ooooooh!!! You're getting so close! I'm really hoping THIS is your cycle!! And I'm sorry you're feeling so emotional, but try not to feel too bad about it - I pestered my poor DH all weekend and we're not even at the end of a 2ww! Good luck, A. Hang in there!!

callmemama said...

Thinking about you...and praying for good news in a few days!

Katie said...

Praying for some amazing news at the end of the 2WW.

Noelle said...

I just said a prayer for you right now.

One Who Understands said...

Oh the joys of the IF emotional roller coaster. We only have enough baby money for one round of IVF as well. So we are putting it all in this cycle. It scares the crap out of me, but we are leaving it to God and know He has a plan. I have actually felt really Zen about the whole thing, amazingly enough. Hope this cycle will be it and IVF will not be in the picture.

ventingvagina said...

fingers crossed this is it! if not, i can answer any questions you might have about IVF. good luck this week! xo!

p.s. i nominated you for an award on my blog. check it out!