Same. AGAIN.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

BFN.

I wonder if Mr. A lays in bed pretending to sleep, but hearing me take the unopened box of tests into the bathroom, turn on the fan to try to mask the upcoming noise (really, who needs the fan first thing in the morning?!), rip open the insanely-loud cellophane packaging, unwrap a test, go to the bathroom, and flush.

I wonder if he thinks, hey, maybe today will be the morning she will come running out of the bathroom and wake me up to tell me that it's positive!

I wonder if he is as disappointed when I don't. (I know he is.)

I wonder if he thinks about it the whole walk with the dogs, like I do.

I wonder if he realizes that the rain this morning is taking the place of my tears. I just can't cry anymore.

25 comments:

Jenny said...

Oh, A... I'm so very sorry. I know that nothing I say can "make it better." It just stinks. IF stinks. Much love to you ♥

Ann - Building a Nest said...

I'm so sorry

Thankful said...

Hugs. I am sorry.

Jessica said...

A...I'm so sorry!! BFN's never get any eaiser to see. I'm sure your DH is just as upset as you are...guys just don't always show it.

((HUGS))

brigittemarie said...

I'm sorry hun! Love you! *HUUUGG* I think a trip to the winery is in order...

TeeJay said...

I'm so, so sorry. IF sucks so bad. I will never understand why good people have to suffer the way you do. I know you have great faith and that your strength comes from that faith, so I know you will pull through this. You are amazing and you deserve an amazing outcome to your journey. I hope you get it soon. (((hugs)))

AL said...

((hugs)) I'm so sorry for the BFN.

Rach said...

:( Hugs your way.

Jane said...

I am crying for you. Why does it have to be this way?

I am still praying for your BFP and hopeful that you will get it soon!!

Melissa said...

Aww A...I'm sorry. Crummy BFN.

Josey said...

:( I'm so sorry A. I think our husbands are just trying to be strong for us when we need them to be...even if it sometimes comes across as not caring as much as we do about the BFP. ((HUGS))

the misfit said...

:( I often wonder how my DH really takes all of this. I only get glimpses. I know it matters to him, though. I'm sure it matters to Mr. A. I hope some time soon that can be a good thing.

Coco said...

**hugs**

callmemama said...

Oh, A, this just sucks :(. Understatement of the year, I know, but I don't know what else to say. I really, really, wish that there would be an end to this misery for you soon (and all of us, of course). It definitely makes it worse to know that it's affecting our spouses as well...

lowfatlady said...

*hugs* I am so sorry. This totally sucks. When I test I try to be quiet so the hubs doesn't know what I'm doing, but I'm sure he does since they are so noisy to open.

JC said...

Oh, I'm so sorry A! I really wish this were different. It makes me sad...you deserve this.

Trisha said...

I'm so, so sorry! Hang in there and keep your chin up; I still believe God has GREAT things in store for you (get those socks ready)! "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:11-12

Katie said...

This post breaks my heart.
I'm so, so sorry. It's a never-ending nightmare.

xo

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry!

Erica said...

I'm so sorry :(. It is so hard to understand and I wish so much that it were different. Hugs and prayers...

hollytraveling said...

It's hard not to be angry with the universe when something like this happens. I'm so sorry A. Big hugs.

T said...

I wish I was there to give you a giant hug. I know that will not take away the pain you are feeling...just wish there was something i could do.

AplusB said...

So sorry :( It never gets easier.

(((hugs))) my friend.

sonja said...

I just wanted to say how sorry I am. Thinking of you. *hugs*

ventingvagina said...

hugs. i'm so sorry. :(