How to tell "friends"

Um. I still have not told most of my college "friends" about our baby. (The exceptions are the couple of them who have been supportive.)

And neither has the girl who is the instigator of that post told me about her pregnancy, and I have found out from the couple girls who are supportive of me that she is due any day now. It is beyond me to figure out what she is thinking- is she really never going to tell me about her CHILD??

Part of me never wants to tell any of the rest of them. It seems as though they could care less about what I was struggling with, so why should I share this with them either. I feel like everyone who I would want to know about our little one already knows.

Another reason I don't want to tell them is because I am scared that they will finally include me. And that will hurt. Because I want them to include me because of me, not because I "have" something. What if you were only friends with people who had designer jeans? What if you were only friends with people who had $50k in the bank? What if you were only friends with people who had ........?

I am friends with people who make $30k and people who make $250k, and it doesn't make a beans bit of difference to me. I am friends with these folks because of them, not because of what they have. I understand that in some respects, people of similar interests and capabilities are going to gravitate towards each other, but that doesn't mean that you can't value others who are different than you. And up until this point, that is how I feel my college "friends" have treated me: I didn't have everything in common with them anymore, so why should I be included in their lives?

But, ah-ha, after I tell them about our baby, I will be in common with them!! (Remember this post where one of them whom I've already told said that "now" we would be able to talk more? What, was her phone broken when I shared my struggle with them?) It will sting if, at this point, they attempt to make our relationship sunshine and roses again.

And yet another reason I don't want to tell is that I don't want to perpetuate either of these two myths: 1) That if you stop "trying" so hard, you will conceive, and 2) That everyone gets pregnant eventually. I cringe to the deepest depths to think that our miracle baby would play any part in them thinking those things, but let's face it, they are going to think it, and I have no control over it. But darn if I don't want to rip these thoughts out of their head preemptively.

But on the very other hand, I can't wait to tell them. I can't wait to write how I've treasured every second of nausea. I can't wait to tell them about how every morning when it is nearly impossible to wake up, I thank God for this little one sapping all my energy. I can't wait to describe the thrill of losing my waist and buying maternity pants, and of getting out of breath on walks I used to own and practicing prenatal yoga. I can't wait to remind them what a miracle every baby is, and that not one day of any baby's life should be taken for granted or complained about.

It's not that I really want to make them feel guilty for their awful maternal behaviors (okay, maybe a teeny bit), but you have to understand that they are the most ungrateful, taking-for-granted, complaining set of moms I have ever known. It is really a sad state of affairs. Mr. A wonders why I even associate with them anymore.

The truth is that I don't. Or at least I didn't, thanks to them pulling themselves away from me. Well, again, except for maybe 2-3 of them. We'll see how the rest of them act when they hear the news.