catching up (updated)

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

i am still here!

let's just start with what's on my mind: we had sex monday night and last night i had one wipe of light brown. an hour later (because you know i couldn't sleep), it was back to nothing, and it still nothing this morning.

but seriously, commence freak out.

in my head, i know that this type of thing after sex is very common, but i would give my left arm to be able to confirm that things are still okay with our little one. but because it is so common, i feel a little silly calling my midwife about it, especially since i already have my previously-scheduled 12w3d appointment next friday. would they really just let me run in, and hopefully they could just run the doppler of my stomach, find the heartbeat, and then let me go? that would be awesome, but i would bet more strongly that they would just tell me that unless it picks up/turns red, it will be fine.

which of course is little consolation to someone who is pregnant after infertility.

i still have other symptoms, so i am not entirely worried, but i honestly dont even know how i slept a wink last night.

it doesnt help that yesterday i was blessed with the most awful gas pains i have ever had and nothing i did the entire day would help! i was praying the whole day that i was "feeling" the pains correctly to be gas, and not that something was wrong with our little one. i finally read my "what to expect" book that suggested hot lemon water, and that worked like a charm!!! wow, sweet relief. but, any kind of abdomen pain is a catastrophe for a pregnant after infertility-er (i'm just going to coin a new acrynoym for that: PAI).

being PAI is still surreal most of the time. i can't believe it is me who is 11w1d today. i can't believe that this baby is here without any intervention or medicine. i can't believe it's me who is going maternity shopping with my aunt and cousin in a few weeks.

just 3 months ago, we were watching embryo adoption educational videos. we were preparing to save the whole year to be able to have another shot at a child.

in July last year, i was reflecting on the fact that we had decided against further treatments/procedures for the indefinite future. i thought everyone would move on to PAI except us.

but here i am, gratefully pregnant for another sunrise. i am so thankful that God has blessed us with this baby.

i will keep you posted if i call my midwife. i so appreciate all your prayers for us and for our little one!!

update! i called my midwife and her nurse called me back- nothing to worry about especially since it has stopped and there was no cramping. of course, if it turns red.... ;-)


Mrs. Lydon said...

Paryers coming your way. Sure hope to help further your newly coined phrase soon Hehe.

RMCarter said...

I've been having period-type cramps and, even though I know it's normal and 99% likely to be nothing, I called my doc and they're seeing me today. I am a very weak PAI! Luckily, my doc is understanding about that. I can't help my madness! :)

I am sure your LO is just fine, but boy do I understand that little voice in your head that just won't shut up! If it still bothers you throughout the day, I'd call. I mean, this is what you're paying them for! But that's just my opinion. As I've said, I'm weak!

Leah said...

I am sure nothing is wrong. I had spotting every time after sex. And apparently it was all caused by a polyp on my cervix. But I would still call your midwife. They will tell you nothing is wrong, no doubt, but they are there to serve you. I freaked out and called my midwives a couple of times during my pregnancy, and they fit me in for a quick doppler immediately.

Thinking of you.

Bridget said...

I know how you feel, everything seems magnified after IF. I'm sure everything is ok but I would call just to put your mind at ease. So happy for you!

Melissa said...

Praying for you!

I'd call the mid-wife to ease your fears. I don't see anything wrong with that. But I can reassure you that that exact thing happened to me...commence freak out!

Coco said...

Haha. PAI is awesome! So glad you called your midwife. I am sure that you're not their most needy patient, plus you did warn them (haha), and it's their job. So call away! Better to know than to worry. But the hot lemon water, that's a good tip! How did I miss that in the book? Need to try that one. :) Glad everything is okay. *hugs*

Mommy-In-Waiting said...

Love the PAI phrase, perfect! I'm glad your midwife told you not to worry, hard not to sometimes. I've already told DH not to expect much when we finally conceive, LOL, I'm just going to be too petrified. Have fun shopping!

Praying for Hope said...

My DH and I didn't have sex until afte we passed the three month mark. I was paranoid since I'd spotted through 6 weeks. I really, really didn't want it to start up again. The gas cramps were unnerving, too, but I eventually got used to them. In the end, all my worries were for nothing. It's entirely too easy to worry as a infertile pg woman.

AL said...

Okay, I'm coining my own acronym too - PAIL - Pregnant After Infertility and Loss :-). Hehe.

Don't worry one bit about the teeny bit of brown. I know that's much easier said than done, but it's all the increased blood flow down there and a bit of an irritated cervix. I wouldn't have have se.x with C for a while b.c I was scared of getting freaked out every time!!

Adele said...

Glad you called. And glad they were able to put your fears to rest. My gyno told me that the cervix is super sensitive at this point - thank goodness she warned me because I spotted a bit after the pap.

Here's to a nice, uneventful transition to the second trimester.

myjourneythruinfertility said...

You know you WERE infertile when you say things like "I was blessed with the most awful gas pains i have ever had"- made me laugh! Hope you get some sleep tonight!

callmemama said...

Glad you called the midwife, and that she could reassure you that everything's okay!

I don't think it's possible to have a freakout-free PAI (see, it's catching on!). You know too much...
BUT, try to "relax" (haha, don't hit me) and not worry too much.

Congrats on 11wks! Yes, so surreal! I'm really glad we're all here discussing your miracle pregnancy. Who'd have thunk it? :)

Jess said...

Whew. Glad all is okay! That can definitely be a scare. Praying things run smoothly from here on out and you are cuddling your little one very soon.