Who knows

My poor mom. Ever since I told her about our trying, she has been great about being supportive and respectful of my wish that she not broadcast our "issues" to her whole family. I know this is hard for her, and I know they'd be happy to pray for our poor souls, but I don't really want my uncles, for example, to know that we are trying and it isn't working, since you know, the trying involves pretty personal stuff! Ha! I mean everyone knows where babies come from, and if you announce that you're pregnant, they are ALL going to know how that happened, but I feel like it's another thing for them to mull over the fact that we've been trying and it hasn't worked yet. I know it's killing her not to tell them, because as she reminds me, "they'd love to pray for you- more people praying, you know!" Yes...more people....

Sometimes I wonder if we should be so hesitant in broadcasting our situation. I mean, I truly believe in prayer and maybe it would be comforting to know that more people are praying for us. Hmph. It's such a thin fence to be on, and on some days I lean forward and on other days I lean backwards.

Here's who knows and has graciously (to our best knowledge) held it in confidence: My parents, Mr. A's parents, my sisters, my previous spiritual director, our pastor, my paternal grandmother, 2 of my coworkers, 3 of my best college friends, and 4 of our post-college friends. I think that's it. And, of course, some online buddies that I've met up with along this road....

Unfortunately, 2 of the 3 best college friends have been fairly to moderately unsupportive, not because they are mean but because they both had their own babies easily and they have no idea what it's like to be me. Maybe the grass is always greener on the other side, though. I think children are 100% no doubt about it the most awesome gift ever, while one of these friends is jealous I have time for gardening. Really? What time of pulling weeds and transplanting perennials I wouldn't give up in a split second to have to change a dirty diaper... I have thought of disclosing what I'm going through to the rest of my college pals, but I have, for the time being, decided against it because I don't want to offend those who already have kids. I pray that none of the rest of them have to deal with infertility, and for the reason that I maybe be a support to them is why I considered telling them. Oh well- maybe another time will present itself for me to spill the beans...

I have also thought of who will know when (yes, when) we find out we're expecting. I go back and forward of wanting to wait for a couple weeks to tell anyone, to thinking we could tell family right away. Honestly I think it will have to do with the timing of it all in general- if we're going to be seeing whichever relative in two weeks, why not wait and tell them in the flesh!? We will just have to see when baby A shows up :)

Oh, I also wanted to introduce Banana, our doggie, to our blog story! She knows about our struggles, and luckily she doesn't mind licking up some tears every now and then. We got her from a rescue group last year, and she has been such a blessing to have around. Most especially because of the consistency she brings with every sunrise. 12dpo? Who cares, she wants to play frisbee! CD2? Who cares, it's still the same frisbee! Ah, the life of a dog!

(breaking news, of the somber sort)... Mr. A's family dog passed away last night. She was old and definitely not in great health, but she had been a member of their family for almost 10 years. His mom was at their vacation house last night, and when we found out this morning and I called her to express my condolences, she had no idea! Talk about foot in my mouth!! Keeping them in my thoughts today...