My other half

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

(Mr. A)

I am pretty sure that at one point or another, nearly every infertile wife will say or write (or at least think) that there is no way she could survive infertility without her husband. At least that would be my prayer for all infertile women (if we have to be infertile), that we would all be blessed with amazing husbands- I cannot even imagine going through the struggles of longing for a baby without the support of Mr. A.

He is is a problem-solver like me, but in a more man-problem-solving way. All throughout our journey to conceive, no matter what stumbling blocks we hit, he remained objectively focused on our desire to expand our family. Even when I'd be emotional and wishy-washy, he never stopped believing that we would welcome a baby here someday, and he was going to do whatever it took to get to the bottom of whatever mysterious issue was preventing us from conceiving.

But even as he was strong and steadfast and held his vision for us, I tried to remind myself that it wasn't all about me; he wanted to be a dad, too, and even though lots of times, he didn't let it affect so much of his life, like I did. But he knew the pain of infertility, too. But sometimes, in the throws of infertility, it was easy to forget that he felt the stress and longing and anticipation, too.

And as he was encouraging me the other night when I was freaking out about stupid little things talking about how annoyed I was, I had sort of a flashback to last fall and all the times when I ended up so absorbed in my own infertility journey that I forgot he was going through it, too, with me.

He's about to become a dad. Something he's always wanted. But not something he is taking lightly. He is already the hardest-working person I have ever known in my life, but I can tell that now, all his work and time away and job and responsibilities are starting to be in a new light in his mind. It won't be just work or a paycheck anymore- it will be a way for our family to thrive and grow together and be happy.

No pressure! While I am rambling on about the wooly bushes in our front yard, he reminds me that he's been having a crazy time at work right now, too, and it's not just me who's feeling pulled in all different directions.

Humility check!

I am so grateful for the perspective that he brings to our marriage and to our life- all our journey together-, and how he strives to provide the best life imaginable for us. How even when he has stupid days at work, if he gets home and I'm being fussy about whatever silly thing (which I promise is not that often), he will selflessly let me fuss until I remember that maybe I should ask how he is doing.

He is going to be an awesome dad. Last night, when we went to sleep, Maryanne was moving like CRAZY. She is so low and I guess running out of room, so her movements were really powerful! I was loving it, and I whispered to him that she was going nuts. I think he thought it was making me uncomfortable (it wasn't really, I was just keeping him posted), because he rolled over and started rubbing my bump, and he goes "Sssssh, sweetie, it's okay..."

It was one of the sweetest things I have ever heard. (And, can I just say, she quieted down! Wow! I told him he was in charge of bedtimes!!!) I just laid there smiling for a while. I am so lucky.

So no matter if you are still in the trenches of infertility or if you are preparing to welcome a baby into your house or if you are parenting a little one, don't forget your other half. They are walking beside you through this journey, too, even if you feel like some days it's all on your shoulders. Don't forget to consider their feelings when things are tough, and don't forget to rejoice together when things are great!


BGSydneyside said...

What a lovely post! It is so true, and so important to remember the husbands part and struggle in the journey. Yay for awesome husbands :)
Sounds like Mr A is going to be a great Dad.

Lady Grey said...

Opps, that last post was me, forgot I was signed in to my other account. :)

Josey said...

Loved this post - just sent it to my hubby to read in fact. Thanks for the reminder of all they go through too!

H said...

wonderful! My husband is amazing too. Mr. A will be a wonderful dad!

Mommy-In-Waiting said...

What a great post! There are deffinetly days where I forget this effects him just as much as it effects me. He is such a big part of how I'm able to get through this rollercoaster of infertility, I should deffinetly try to remind him more often how much I appreciate him.