More Mind (Body) Games

Friday, September 02, 2011

You'd think after the 1-hr glucose test failure, and failing the 1-hr draw of the 3-hr (so technically being okay but of course still getting a complex about it), I'd learn to just let precautionary measures roll off my back without getting all in a tizzy.

Today (35w3d) my blood pressure was on the high side again (140/90), and so my midwife wants me to do the 24-hr urine test. She said their office urine test is completely negative for protein, and if I was in serious pre-eclampsia mode, it would definitely show up, so that is a good thing that their test was negative. Also, my belly measurements continue to be spot on, so she can tell the baby is growing that way, and even when she was checking the heartbeat, she could hear heartbeat accelerations when baby girl was moving and back to normal when she stopped, which she said is very healthy.

And she even told me not to go home and freak out, which of course is the most useless thing she has ever said to anyone on the planet.

So I got to walk out of the office with the embarrassing pee jug, which has taken up residence next to the tea jug in the fridge. I already warned Mr. A to be careful when refilling his glass after dinner...

It's just another instance of where all of a sudden I'm afraid/convinced of the bottom falling out. I'm afraid that the placenta is failing and that baby girl isn't getting the nutrients she needs, and I have convinced myself that at our next appointment, I'll have to be induced and the baby will get stressed out, and I'll have to have a c-section. (I really hope not to offend those who choose to have c-sections or were in a situation where they were necessary- but it is just my preference/dream to have a natural labor and delivery!)

I also had the Group-B strep test today, and so I have convinced myself that will also be positive, so even if I don't have to be induced, I won't get to labor as long as I want to at home because I will need antibiotics. Ugh.

She said it is completely possible that I just get subconsciously stressed on the days of my appointments and that is why it is high (last appointment it went down after I laid on my side a few minutes...but it didn't do that today... but of course by the end of my appointment, I was probably more stressed about all the urine collection info). I guess I hope that is the case- on my appointment days, I don't get to do yoga and the morning routine is just different, so maybe that is it. I don't know. I just want our baby to be healthy and getting what she needs. Why isn't my body cooperating?!?!

And then of course I say that, and I listen to Mr. A reassure me that out of all the procedures we tried that failed and even though I haven't passed every test this pregnancy with flying colors, this pregnancy has actually been pretty damn near perfect. I have been able to keep exercising, I'm not uncomfortable, baby girl looks perfect, and generally there have been zero serious complications, or any complications, since on paper, I passed the 3-hr glucose test. So really, maybe my body is cooperating more than I give it credit for, relative to what many moms go through for their little ones to be born. I stand corrected.

But it still stinks to go to the doctor and feel perfectly fine and get the news that you are not perfectly fine. No one wants to hear that.

So I am pretty much expecting that she will be here before her due date. Which sends me into a whole other mindset of needing to do eight gabillion things in the next week in case on the 12th, she will need to be born. Which of course Mr. A cautions me against getting all stressed out because of the blood pressure issue. Ha!

I will turn in my pee jug tomorrow morning at the hospital and get some bloodwork. They should have the results by tomorrow after dinnertime, and if there are any concerns, I will go in next week for an NST and an ultrasound to check the placenta and fluid levels. It would be cool to see our girl again before she is born, but I just hope she is healthy and happy in there and getting what she needs. I don't want to fail her now! I just keep praying God will bless her with a long and happy and healthy life with our family....

(ETA: You would think that after struggling with infertility, I would have learned that these test results are completely out of my control- just like infertility itself- but somehow, just like with infertility, I keep asking myself what I could have done better or why can't I do this right or what is wrong with me?)


Praying for Hope said...

You're going through a lot of what I went through around this time in my pregnancy. My blood pressure started to rise but no proteins were found. And I was Group-B Strep positive. No pee jug for me. That must be loads of fun.

Before you start worrying about the NST, I'll relate to you my experience. Mine turned out to be non-conclusive, so the doctor sent me for the biophysical profile (the ultrasound). That turned out to be non-conclusive, as well, since the u/s tech wasn't able to catch baby girl practice breathing. That led to a trip to L&D to be hooked up to the monitor to watch contractions and baby girl's heart rate. The results of that combined with the u/s and NST lead them to conclude all was well. It was a little unnerving, however. We had no idea what was happening. They later told us that they didn't have real concerns; they only wanted to be safe than sorry.

Moral of this story: don't panic unless they say you have a reason to. Everything they do is probably along the same lines as that - no real worries, but let's confirm what we already believe: that everything is okay.

Melissa said...

I agree with hope, while (this is WAY easier to day than actually DO, lol) don't panic unless you absolutely need to. In other words, don't sweat the small stuff.

You know baby girl is growing! And I agree, no one wants to be told, "hey something's wrong" when you feel just dandy.

You guys will be in our prayers. Hang in there.

And my one piece of advice to you is this, when you go into labor, when you go to the hospital/mid wife/etc...go there with an open mind just in case (like in mine) everything you wanted to have (a natural, no C-section birth) doesn't exactly turn out that way. Know in the end, you'll have thay baby girl right where you want her, wrapped in your arms.


Lady Grey said...

Oh you poor thing. Even though it's not bad news, it would be so lovely for you to have no stress right now. Praying for wonderful pee-results :)

myjourneythruinfertility said...

I can only imagine what you are going through and I wish I had the right words . . . all I can say is you are in my thoughts and prayers. Deep breaths :)

Noelle said...

I am so happy for you that things are going so well, even though you are stressed out. You only have a little bit of time left, and then you'll be with your perfectly healthy baby. I think that you need to believe what everyone is telling you: that everything is going to be okay.

Anna said...

Hey Mama! That's about when my bp started misbehaving. Try not to stress out, you're far enough along for the little lady to be okay no matter when she comes. :) I don't think I blogged all the details because I had some extended family that reads my blog and didn't want them to panic, but my bp was high for 2 consecutive weeks, then the 3rd week (this past Monday) it was "borderline." My doctor said it wasn't an emergency but went ahead and scheduled my induction because he said she was ready and there was no point in waiting if the bp was borderline. Hang in there! You're about to go on a wild (and amazing!) ride. (((HUGS)))

the misfit said...

My blood pressure used to spike every time I had it measured JUST because they were taking my blood pressure and I really wanted a "good" result - apparently my OCD causes more of a physiological reaction than I usually give it credit for. For years, therefore, I have been slowing my breathing down as soon as I see the blood pressure cuff come out. And my blood pressure has been quite low (but not unhealthy) for years, too. I would easily believe that your reading was elevated because you were under stress. That makes perfect sense. It seems to me that if you feel fine, and the OBJECTIVE indicators are good, then all is well.

The Wife said...

For the longest time DH kept failing his blood pressure reading when he went to the doctors. He's 6'1", 155 lbs and bikes & runs nearly every day. It took getting a home bp cuff to realize that it was the stress of going to the doctor and anticipating that he was going to fail that was causing him to fail. Once he saw that he was passing at home then he wasn't so stressed at the doctor and started getting normal readings while there.

Anyways I'm praying for a healthy and happy baby for you and Mr. A!