Limbo Day

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Each month, as time goes on, I am less and less impressed with the limbo day at the end of the 2ww. You know, the day where you can't decide what's going on, and you probably use an entire extra roll of TP just because you think you're starting every 45 minutes, so that calls for another trip to the bathroom.

Before we began seeing our RE, it used to be a more somber day, but since we have started treatment, and especially since I have lots of shiny sharp objects and expensive concoctions waiting be used for next cycle, the limbo day has been met with more excited impatience: "Okay, fine, this one didn't work, let's get the dirty work over with so we can try again with xyz strategy!"

And even though I had some gurgling in the lower region the other night and I was convinced that the towel had been thrown in for me, since yesterday morning, I am having more significant/increased top tenderness and backache than I usually do before I start, and I had mild mild heartburn after dinner last night. (Usually by the time CD1 rolls around, I have almost zero 2ww symptoms and feel much better than I did the two weeks prior, and I only have mild cramps once it gets a'flowin'.)

Which is maybe all fine and good, but since Mr. A is out of town on some projected-ly critical days next month, my very first month of fancy pants follistim, I desperately need CD1 to be ON TIME this time, okay sweet cycle of mine? Or, if you're going to be late, maybe you can be a YEAR late, as in, high-tail it outta here till next October. That would be very fine, too.

Who knows what today will hold. I prayed this morning in thanksgiving that God has already been before me and has prepared a path for me. I pray that I'll be faithful and trusting enough to follow it! I prayed that I'd have the humility to accept His perfect timing in all things (when I was praying this, I initially was thinking ahead to the potential timing fiasco in October, but then a thought popped into my head that I should also accept with humility the timing He had for us this past month that turned out to be pretty darn good!).

I have learned on this journey that God's timing is not necessarily my own and there's really nothing I can do about it. If I'm actually pregnant this cycle, I think God is up there laughing it up at the hilarious "plan" I have for next cycle and especially that I just told my mom yesterday about the injectibles. If I'm not, that is okay. I'm sure His plan to expand our family will knock my socks off more than I can imagine!


Mrs Emilee said...

My prayers are definitely with you. I know the Lord has a plan as well...I believe He's not punishing us, but merely opening our hands to receive something bigger. Best of luck to you.

Lisa said...

I like your comment about "I'm sure His plan to expand our family will knock my socks off more that I can imagine!" I have to remind myself that all of the time. My plan was to get pregnant a year and a half ago and that to me seems like a pretty awesome plan. But apparently that was not His plan so He must have something awesome up His sleeve that I can't even comprehend! "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

I am praying for you on this stressful/unsure/confusing/thought consuming/roller coaster emotions day!

Lynn said...

I'm praying that you won't need to worry about next cycle! Hopefully, you're already incubating a little one :D If not, I pray AF will come on so that you can time things perfectly next month. The Lord works in funny ways sometimes!

Anonymous said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you :)

Erica said...

Waiting and praying with you to see what the Lord will do!

Matt and Jenny said...

always hopeful for you! what a GREAT way to start out by giving thanks for His plan!

Hillary said...

Love your description of limbo day - I'm totally the same way, way too many trips to the bathroom and all.

Praying for you, friend!