Some advice for y'all (updated w/ links)

Alot of you have asked me if I would recommend such-and-such that I tried while on this journey. So I thought I'd do a pre-pregnancy and while-pregnant post about what I've liked and what I could have done without. I'm not being paid in any way to recommend or not recommend anything, just so you know :) None of these supplements was specifically recommended by my doctor(s)- I just came to do research about each one and felt good about adding them to my diet.

TTC:
Fertility Drugs: BOO. (Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Vitamin D (2000iu/day): I started taking 2000iu in the fall (was taking a lower dosage before then). I definitely would recommend this supplement. A friend of mine saw a normal endocrinologist, and he told her that in the endocrine system, Vitamin D is very powerful, and he thought everyone should take 2000iu per day. The reason I started taking it was because after all our failed ART treatments, it seemed as though I just had low levels of hormones all around. Some reading I had done suggested that increasing your Vitamin D intake would help the production of hormone levels.

Prenatal Vitamin: I take Rainbow Light's Prenatal One. It is a food-based prenatal, meaning that the nutrients therein come from natural/vegetable sources. I would definitely recommend this brand.

Baby Aspirin and/or Robitussin: I took these a few cycles here and there over the last few years, and while I don't think they do you any harm, I am not convinced it helped me in any way. Since I was trying to rid my body of unnecessary chemicals, I decided since I hadn't seen "results", these ones weren't on my list of keepers.

Wheatgrass: I started with the tablets (7 per day, thank you) in July, and sometime early fall, I switched to the powder. The reasons I started taking this supplement was because it is an alkaline superfood containing great folic acid (as adults, our bodies tend towards acidity), and I hoped it would make sure the pH of the reproductive areas was optimal. Also, there are studies that say that wheatgrass improves FSH levels and/or egg quality, and given the results of our ART cycles, that is what I suspected my issue was. I will warn you, it's not the most yummy concoction (I mixed it with 8oz of juice) to choke down every day, but I felt it was definitely having a positive impact, so I would recommend it.

Acupuncture (along with "The Infertility Cure" (book)): I did acupuncture for about 3ish weeks last spring around our IVF cycle, in hopes it would help my response. Well, we all know how that went down. However, after deciding to ditch modern medicine in October and go with only natural fertility-enhancers, I returned to acupuncture, once a week. I think without all the other meds in my body, acupuncture was much more successful (for me). I definitely felt a difference in my cycles and my body/mind, and I incorporated many dietary suggestions from The Infertility Cure. I would definitely recommend acupuncture and this book.

Royal Jelly: I added this supplement in November, because it has been said to be the natural fertility drug. This is what the queen bees eat, and they drop eggs all day long. ;-) It works at the cellular level to make sure cells are as healthy as can be, so I also took this with the hopes I'd crank out some spectacular looking eggies sometime soon. I got the actual jelly form, and just like wheatgrass, eating a tsp per day was a labor of love, but I did it, and I'd recommend it to anyone! (edited to respond to Mommy-In-Waiting: yes, I read that it takes 3 months to "take effect", and it just so happens that I started in November and conceived in January....!)

CoQ10: I added this in January because this supplement has been said to assist in enhancing blood flow and the energy/cell reproduction process, and I wanted to increase my circulation/energy levels (per acupuncture), and make sure my eggs were being made properly (do you notice a trend?). This is a supplement I think is probably least specifically related to fertility issues, but I haven't read anything detrimental about adding it to your intake, so I would keep this in my vitamin cabinet.

Circle+Bloom and Pulling Down the Moon's "Yoga Practices for Fertility": Both of these holistic things I added in January, and I loved them. I think everyone who is still praying for their baby should get one of each of these. The circle+bloom is a meditation series, and it is very relaxing and even if it doesn't work right away, the visualization exercises are really neat to practice. I ordered the fertility yoga DVD, and did it every morning of the week (not weekends). It isn't too hard (if you have never done yoga before), and the instructors do a great job of explaining the poses' relevance to infertility.

PREGNANCY:
Basically, I have continued the Vitamin D, Prenatal, and CoQ10. I stopped the Royal Jelly because there isn't an acceptance either way if it is safe during pregnancy or not. I continued the wheatgrass for as long as I could, but I just have not felt like subjecting myself to trying to swallow that concoction for several weeks.

I have added Expecta DHA prenatal supplement because my prenatal doesn't have DHA in it.

I haven't been back to acupuncture, as much as my practitioner and lots of people on the web assure me that it's safe during pregnancy as long as a few points are avoided. I have alot of confidence in its ability to move energy and adjust balances, and right now my body is balanced (enough) to support this baby, and I am nervous about altering that. I do want to return at least as I approach delivery, though, as there are points to make sure baby is in the right position and my body is preparing itself in the most whole way.

I am not doing the Yoga for Fertility anymore, but I am doing prenatal yoga 5 mornings a week:

First, I got Shiva Rae's DVD and about fell asleep during her routine. I mean, I am no yoga master, but it is soooooooooo slowwwwwwwwwww. As a former distance runner, I need some meat to my workouts, even if they are generally lower impact during pregnancy. The nice thing is that her DVD has trimester variations, but seriously, it is so boring.

Then, I ordered Element's Prenatal/Postnatal Yoga and Ann Richmond's Yoga for Pregnancy (6 workouts). These are MUCH better, and Ann Richmond's one is separated into trimesters, so for people who want the variations, this one is good (although the editing will make you chuckle- she has herself edited into random fields of blowing grass, etc.). The Element one is my favorite, though. (To be honest, I've lent my Ann Richmond out to a friend who is dealing with morning sickness, as she has a segment devoted to relieving specific symptoms!) I'm hoping that my prenatal yoga practice, along with walking the dogs 45min-1hr per day will help me stay fit during pregnancy!

If you have any questions, be sure to ask! I will try to do a followup post if there is enough interest!!

How to tell "friends"

Um. I still have not told most of my college "friends" about our baby. (The exceptions are the couple of them who have been supportive.)

And neither has the girl who is the instigator of that post told me about her pregnancy, and I have found out from the couple girls who are supportive of me that she is due any day now. It is beyond me to figure out what she is thinking- is she really never going to tell me about her CHILD??

Part of me never wants to tell any of the rest of them. It seems as though they could care less about what I was struggling with, so why should I share this with them either. I feel like everyone who I would want to know about our little one already knows.

Another reason I don't want to tell them is because I am scared that they will finally include me. And that will hurt. Because I want them to include me because of me, not because I "have" something. What if you were only friends with people who had designer jeans? What if you were only friends with people who had $50k in the bank? What if you were only friends with people who had ........?

I am friends with people who make $30k and people who make $250k, and it doesn't make a beans bit of difference to me. I am friends with these folks because of them, not because of what they have. I understand that in some respects, people of similar interests and capabilities are going to gravitate towards each other, but that doesn't mean that you can't value others who are different than you. And up until this point, that is how I feel my college "friends" have treated me: I didn't have everything in common with them anymore, so why should I be included in their lives?

But, ah-ha, after I tell them about our baby, I will be in common with them!! (Remember this post where one of them whom I've already told said that "now" we would be able to talk more? What, was her phone broken when I shared my struggle with them?) It will sting if, at this point, they attempt to make our relationship sunshine and roses again.

And yet another reason I don't want to tell is that I don't want to perpetuate either of these two myths: 1) That if you stop "trying" so hard, you will conceive, and 2) That everyone gets pregnant eventually. I cringe to the deepest depths to think that our miracle baby would play any part in them thinking those things, but let's face it, they are going to think it, and I have no control over it. But darn if I don't want to rip these thoughts out of their head preemptively.

But on the very other hand, I can't wait to tell them. I can't wait to write how I've treasured every second of nausea. I can't wait to tell them about how every morning when it is nearly impossible to wake up, I thank God for this little one sapping all my energy. I can't wait to describe the thrill of losing my waist and buying maternity pants, and of getting out of breath on walks I used to own and practicing prenatal yoga. I can't wait to remind them what a miracle every baby is, and that not one day of any baby's life should be taken for granted or complained about.

It's not that I really want to make them feel guilty for their awful maternal behaviors (okay, maybe a teeny bit), but you have to understand that they are the most ungrateful, taking-for-granted, complaining set of moms I have ever known. It is really a sad state of affairs. Mr. A wonders why I even associate with them anymore.

The truth is that I don't. Or at least I didn't, thanks to them pulling themselves away from me. Well, again, except for maybe 2-3 of them. We'll see how the rest of them act when they hear the news.

Food on Friday (sad for a friend)

A friend of mine at church was 16w pregnant and had suddenly felt strange, so she mentioned it to her midwife at her appointment earlier this week. Her baby had no heartbeat, and an ultrasound revealed that the baby had stopped growing at 14w. She had a d&c yesterday, and the local cemetery has an infant section, and the baby will be buried a week from today.

My heart aches for her- I can't describe it any other way.

Some other ladies and I are collaborating to cover meals for a while for our friend and her family. The main dish I am planning on bringing for their Sunday dinner is Shepherd's Pie: a wonderful suggestion from my aunt!! I will also bring a salad.

What other sides would you suggest? What dessert do you think would go well?

(I am sorry if this is scary for some readers- it scares the heck out of me, too, but I don't think it is right to focus on my fear at a time when it's my friend's crisis, not mine...)

OOH, possible debate!!!

One of my bloggy buddies recently had this (mean, IMO) comment left on her blog:

I cannot understand how people desire so much to have a baby and sometimes go into debt to 'pay' for the child. Then they leave their new baby with someone so they can keep up with the same lifestyle they had before. Can someone please explain this to me? I believe there is so much pressure in our society to keep with the same lifestyle we have and yes, it is always hard to reduce our lifestyle to something more simple. I understand some mothers thrive on working and do both work and taking care of their child. Wonderful! But when someone has waited so long to have a child and then leaves them to go back to work, I cannot understand this unless they are seriously financially strapped. The hours days and months one will miss with leaving a child with someone else to go back to work is amazing. I wish there were more women who have waited so long to have children to then decide to stay home with them, cherish and relish those growing years, and decide to reduce their lifestyle to something more simple. Again, each to their own and not every mother needs to stay home with their kids. It's just puzzling for those who have waited so long for a child...

Agree or disagree? What would you say to this person??

I will go first... I think it is sad that (again) people who have waited so long for their kids are held to a different standard than those who just pop them out? Is being a mom who can balance work and motherhood mutually exclusive from being infertile mom? I don't know why it is so much more shocking that we would choose to go back to work than those people who don't even have to think about trying to conceive. If anything, we have more need to return to work to rebuild our dilapidated-after-ART savings accounts or repay the ultrasounds we put on the credit cards, while our fertile friends can continue with their yearly vacations to the beach with the money they didn't spend on fertility medications. And what if they are "seriously financially strapped" or even "financially strapped", and who are you to say what is "financially strapped"? It's pretty obnoxious to cast such a disparaging shadow on those who are in a tighter financial situation than you are. I am sure there are many women who would love to be stay at home moms (myself included, as I think there is alot to be said for the value and honor of being a stay at home mom), while I know several moms who tried staying at home and hated it, longing for a balance of work and home. Oh but wait, they were fertile, so maybe that is okay.

A Year Later (IF reflection)

A year ago, I had been taking lupron for a couple weeks, and was about to start follistim. I was embarking on our first shot at IVF, in which my response would be awful and we would decide to cancel the cycle.

Cancelled IVF cycles are not the norm, as far as I can tell, especially when so many women have resounding success on the very first try.

And yet, I can't believe how happy I sounded in the post about our cancelled cycle. I read it today and think, how could I have possibly used all those exclamation points on a day where our dreams had been shattered?

We would go on to try a new IVF protocol the very next cycle, this time to make it to retrieval and transfer, but our embryo would not stay with us.

I am not sure if any of you remember, but our due date for our second IVF cycle was January 25, 2011.

On January 30, 2011, we saw evidence that a new little baby had taken up residence within me.

It is hard to say that "if our first embie had made it, we wouldn't have this baby", but that is the truth. We will always cherish our embie from last May, but for some unknown reason, he was only here with us for a few days. The baby who has been with me for 12 weeks now is a totally different, precious person who has his/her own special purpose on this Earth. I am so grateful for both these children, and even more grateful for the ways that losing our first embie prepared us and changed us for the journey to the one who is here today.

So, almost a year after our first IVF was cancelled, I have a better appreciation for how God was preparing me for the pregnancy journey I am on today. I may have not understood at the time why our IVF journey was so rocky and unsuccessful, but God's ways are not our ways. He used all the heartache to prepare my body and my heart for the joy that was to come.

It is so easy to begin to see this in retrospect, and of course I wonder why it wouldn't just be easier for Him to reassure us at the point in time when our heart is shattered. You know "It is okay, child, I have already planned for you to conceive a healthy baby in 9 months, a baby that wouldn't be possible if either of your IVF's had worked." ...or something. But what would we lose on our spiritual journey if we didn't have to learn to trust God's Word that He works all things for good if we let Him, and that He will never abandon us?

I pray for God's continued blessing of health for the baby I carry today, and for all my friends who are praying for their child and wondering what to make of the latest heartache. Be assured friends, God is preparing you for your little one.

Security Blanket

It might be It is time for me to drop my security blanket. My progesterone supplements, that is.

My RE originally told me I could stop them at 10w, but I just couldn't. So starting today, I'm going to wean myself off. I had been doing two supp's per day, and for the next week, I will just do one. Jury is out on whether I will then go to every other day for a week, and then every 3 days, and then.... HA.

I sort of want to ask my midwife on Friday if I can have my progesterone checked, but I am not sure if she will agree that it's necessary, i.e. if insurance will pay for it. It's emotionally difficult to drop the supplements, although I know that "everyone" drops them around the 12w mark with no massive problems.

It goes along with the theme that PAI women realize quickly and surprisingly that even though infertility is filled with tests and medicines and strategies and plans and checkups, those at least provided security during infertility.

Or, at least in my case on a number of failure occasions (e.g., especially, my cancelled IVF, and my subsequent failed IVF), they made me feel awful and torn and alone and scared, but I still had some result or some dosage that told us what was next on the list and that we were still going after this infertility monster.

So, even though my infertility security blanket often brought insecurity, at least it was there.

And perhaps instead of tests and med dosages for a blanket, I now have nausea and tiredness and maybe the very beginning of a little baby bump, but those are so subjective, and you know how scared infertile people are of reading too much into symptoms.

At least for a thankfully low-risk pregnancy so far, my PAI security blanket has been thin but has brought only contentment and rest and reassurance. I go for my 2nd midwife appointment on Friday, where we will be praying to hear our little one's heartbeat using doppler.

Hoping and praying that our blanket continues to gain strength and warmth and goodness with each appointment and that our little one will be here happy and healthy in October.

catching up (updated)

i am still here!

let's just start with what's on my mind: we had sex monday night and last night i had one wipe of light brown. an hour later (because you know i couldn't sleep), it was back to nothing, and it still nothing this morning.

but seriously, commence freak out.

in my head, i know that this type of thing after sex is very common, but i would give my left arm to be able to confirm that things are still okay with our little one. but because it is so common, i feel a little silly calling my midwife about it, especially since i already have my previously-scheduled 12w3d appointment next friday. would they really just let me run in, and hopefully they could just run the doppler of my stomach, find the heartbeat, and then let me go? that would be awesome, but i would bet more strongly that they would just tell me that unless it picks up/turns red, it will be fine.

which of course is little consolation to someone who is pregnant after infertility.

i still have other symptoms, so i am not entirely worried, but i honestly dont even know how i slept a wink last night.

it doesnt help that yesterday i was blessed with the most awful gas pains i have ever had and nothing i did the entire day would help! i was praying the whole day that i was "feeling" the pains correctly to be gas, and not that something was wrong with our little one. i finally read my "what to expect" book that suggested hot lemon water, and that worked like a charm!!! wow, sweet relief. but, any kind of abdomen pain is a catastrophe for a pregnant after infertility-er (i'm just going to coin a new acrynoym for that: PAI).

being PAI is still surreal most of the time. i can't believe it is me who is 11w1d today. i can't believe that this baby is here without any intervention or medicine. i can't believe it's me who is going maternity shopping with my aunt and cousin in a few weeks.

just 3 months ago, we were watching embryo adoption educational videos. we were preparing to save the whole year to be able to have another shot at a child.

in July last year, i was reflecting on the fact that we had decided against further treatments/procedures for the indefinite future. i thought everyone would move on to PAI except us.

but here i am, gratefully pregnant for another sunrise. i am so thankful that God has blessed us with this baby.

i will keep you posted if i call my midwife. i so appreciate all your prayers for us and for our little one!!

update! i called my midwife and her nurse called me back- nothing to worry about especially since it has stopped and there was no cramping. of course, if it turns red.... ;-)

Adoption Auction

Happy Saturday! Too bad I have 80 gazillion hours of work to catch up on this weekend, AND we lose a stinkin hour of sleep tonight :-P

But what is more fun is this weekend's Adoption Auction (link here!)!!! There are some really great items, and it is for an awesome cause (bloggy buddy's adoption fund!)- go check it out!

*crickets*

HI! I am back :) My brother and his girlfriend came to visit us on their spring break, and so between trying to work really hard in the mornings (before they got up at, you know, 10:30-11am) and hanging out with them the rest of the day, I didn't really have time to post this week!

But everything is going really well. Each day that I carry this baby is a miracle to me. I can't believe I am 10w3d- I still have the SIX tests that I took almost SIX weeks ago next to my sink in the bathroom. I am so thankful for this precious child and the opportunity to expand our family in this way. We pray constantly that this little one is healthy and that we will be good parents. I do have nausea and tiredness, but I welcome these symptoms with open arms. I am so grateful, I can't really even put the magnitude of it into words.

I continue to pray for all my bloggy buddies who are waiting for their miracle. Ladies, your miracle will come and it will not be a minute late (Habakkuk 2:3).

Cringing

One of my favorite food bloggers just announced the other day that she and her husband are thinking of trying for a baby soon.

Like, to the whole world. Before (apparently) they are even actually trying.

I just cringed when I read her post about it. I can't describe my reaction any other way.

My experience has taught me that when you try to have a baby, it will take fifteen times as long as you think it will. For (in my case) no explained reason. And in the time between when you try and when you finally are successful, your heart and soul will go through such anguish and challenge that unless you are 100% sure that every single one of your friends, associates, family, and blog readers are going to be constantly supportive and the perfect amount of interested but not meddling, I suggest that you don't just make a blanket announcement.

She got commenters who told her to not worry, she (at 28.5) is still young (HOLD ME BACK!!!), who gave advice on which season is best to have your baby, who told her that is SO exciting and they can't wait for updates, and who told her (just a handful, including me) that it shocking to those who struggled with infertility to make such a public announcement about something that is entirely out of your hands. And one (who didn't have a blog to visit) who set it out there that it is amazing to her when people talk about having children in a specific season (e.g., "we're thinking of having a baby in the spring"). Bravo, my friend.

And you know what, she may have no problems at all. She might be like my vet who thinks as long as you have some data, conception is guaranteed. After all, she eats so incredibly healthy I can't even imagine the incredible volume of produce they must buy each week, so it's not like she needs to adjust her diet to organic or less processed or more natural (like we did in the late summer/fall) (although they do drink a ton of micro-brews).

She says she is committed to being open with her readers, but if they have issues (which, having already established that I don't wish infertility on anyone), is she going to openly post about her latest follistim injection or vaginal ultrasound after her amazing pictures of her morning oatmeal or evening meal? How open will she be about crying in bed after another BFN? How open will she be with her feelings when another of her foodie friends has an effortless baby?

There is no way that someone without infertility experience could ever know the pain and the difficulty and the self-preservation/protection and need for privacy that comes into play when you fail at what the vast majority of the population does with no effort, or on accident. There is no way that a naive woman of child-bearing age would know that maybe it won't happen so easily.

Because for so many, it is easy. It is no big deal if you tell people that you want a baby next April, because guess what, you'll have a baby next April. It is no problem to share with your entire neighborhood that they should all get excited because you and your hubby are trying to make a baby, because by three weeks from now, you will have made one.

I wish her all the best with babymaking. Because even if it is still hard to hear of people having zero issues, no one with infertility would ever wish the struggle on anyone else. Or at least you shouldn't *wink*.

But if it doesn't happen as fast as they think it will, I challenge her to be open with it. It will be tough, it will be uncomfortable, and it won't be rainbows and sunshine, but that is the truth of this journey sometimes- and if you say you are going to be open, that should include the hard parts, too.

Food on Friday

Today we are going simple. It's called quesadilla night! I haven't felt much like eating (or cooking) lately, and this is my new favorite meal. Good thing hubby likes it, too!

Tortillas (I use wheat)
Sliced cheese (We use muenster (Mr. A) and cheddar (me))
Fillings (e.g. sliced olives, peppers, cooked chicken, lunchmeat (not me anymore), whatever you have on hand)
Sour cream and Salsa for dipping

Heat a skillet or grill pan (nonstick or cast iron work best- I've never tried this with my stainless steel skillet) over medium-high heat. Put a tortilla on the cutting board. Add a layer of cheese, then your fillings, and then another layer of cheese. Top with another tortilla. Put the stack on the skillet and press down slightly. Keep checking to see when the cheese starts to melt and/or the bottom gets crispy. Use a spatula to flip the stack over, and when the cheese is melted again, you're done! Transfer back to the cutting board and slice with a pizza roller.

I can't believe I just wrote out how to make a quesadilla! Is there anyone who has never made a quesadilla?!

What is your quick, I'm-exhausted, hubby-is starving, go-to dinner?

A Phony

Thanks for all your comments on yesterday's post. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she is just being cautious. To my knowledge she has never had a miscarriage or any fertility problems- her third son was actually a total surprise (less than 2 years after her 2nd son) and she was devastated, as in CRYING ON THE BED, when her pregnancy test was positive that time. Don't get me started ;-)

But anyway, today I am having lunch with my neighbor. She is my mom's age, but she doesn't work, and so we have lunch every now and then. She is your typical very nosy neighbor, but it is kind of funny because we know more people in the neighborhood than they do, thanks to walking our pups twice a day and meeting people along the way. So even though she would like to have more gossip than me, it is the other way around. And what is even funnier is that I am not a gossipy person, so at our lunches, I'm always trying to turn the conversation away from such things.

Back in November at lunch, I was talking about how I was going to acupuncture, and she asked me why. *Deer in headlights* But I figured, oh what the heck, I'll just spill the beans, and so I told her that we were trying to have kids and wanted to explore some natural methods to help that happen. She didn't really press me for details (thank goodness), and we just left it at that. I wondered what I had just done- how would I explain not conceiving to her if she asked me how it was going 2 years later?

Luckily, she has been good about not pestering- although in January she did ask if I would work after having children and "you know, I could always watch them for you, right across the street". Again, I thought to myself, oh what have I done?

Fast forward to today, when I plan on telling her about the baby. I am sure she will be really happy for us, but I sort of feel like a phony.

For all she knows, we have been trying for kids since November. As in, for 3-4 months. As in, the time it takes NORMAL people to be successful.

Clearly, I am not normal, and there is a huge difference between the reality of 3-4 years and what it will appear to be 3-4 months.

I almost feel like I should give her some background of our struggle, but I am not sure of how much I want to get into the details. I guess I don't owe any explanation past that we have been blessed now, but it just feels weird to think that in her mind, we'll be lumped in with any other couple who decides they want to have kids and is successful in a short amount of time.

This happened when I shared our news with our vet, as I was having a breakdown in her office 3 weeks ago when Banana was sick. (Earlier than I wanted to share with a "stranger", but I felt my hysterical waterworks needed an explanation.) Here is how that conversation went:

Vet: Oh, that is so great! You know, even before we started trying, I went to buy an ovulation predictor kit and started taking my temperature. Even before we had unprotected sex!
Me: Wow
Vet: And then, since I had all the data and the predictor kit, we conceived the very first time we tried!
Me: {Cringing at the thought}

I guess, just as infertility is such a closely-kept part of our lives, it remains that way during pregnancy. I am pretty sure you can't (shouldn't?) share your struggle history with everyone who congratulates you, and maybe at this point when you have overcome it, you shouldn't be constantly dredging it up to damper people's reactions. But it is so much a part of me that I feel like dredging it up- saying look, this wasn't easy, and I don't want to be a part of the myth that having a baby is as easy as the decision to try.

I feel like I need to order an I-survived-Infertility maternity tshirt and wear it in public all the time. Maybe that would save me any explanations- or probably not in some cases! But at least I wouldn't feel like a phony.

In-law's

I can't figure out my in-laws' response to our baby.

In a nutshell, it is SO reserved.

Maybe comparing them to my family is a little unfair, what with all our crazy shows of emotion with regard to anything that is happening, especially a baby we have prayed for for 3+ years.

And they have always been on the more stoic side, but I was hoping for a tad more show of excitement. At least from my MIL (who does know that we have been trying for a long time). At this point, it seems like my BIL's are more interested in the baby and asking me how I'm doing!! (Which is sweet, because they are definitely manly men who do not talk about touchy-feely stuff.)

I sent out a weekly update about what is going on with the baby at 9 weeks (still unbelievable we are here!) to our families- right from the beginning I'd asked everyone if they'd like to be included, and MIL wrote back "Absolutely!", so I thought that she would be a very doting grandma-to-be.

All she wrote back this morning was "So what names are you thinking about?".

Not, "that is so cool!" or "won't it be great to hear the heartbeat with the doppler?" or "have you gone shopping for maternity clothes yet?".

Plus, I am terrified to discuss names with them because it is going to be hard enough to agree on a boy and girl name between Mr. A and I, much less have people discussing it and weighing in once we tell them our favorites!!! They are pretty opinionated folks (behind closed doors), and the thought of telling them the names we are considering (Christian and traditional, but not "popular") makes me nervous.

I think my expectations of how she would respond are based in the history we have: she was pretty involved with our wedding planning because we lived in their city up until 3 years ago, while my mom is several states away. It was really fun to go shopping with her or put together goodie bags....

Maybe if we still lived in their city it would be different. Maybe they are worried that it is still early. Maybe I should just be grateful that she wanted to receive an email from me each week at all; maybe this is just a pregnancy-after-infertility expectation that needs a dose of reality.