Karma is a you-know-what

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

{Thank you all for your comments and reflections over the last week about bourbon girl. I hope that you don't think I was a wuss for wanting to ask our teacher to say something to her! I guess my reasoning was that it seems like they have a friendly rapport, so maybe a suggestion or comment from her would be more readily received....as opposed to one from me who has pretty much zero relationship (even acquaintance-wise) with this chick. And, hopefully she won't even be there for any more than a few more weeks, so I don't think it is worth making things awkward or angry during yoga classtime that I've come to really look forward to, because I'm sure nothing I say would change her choices- she just appears to be that sort of person. I will keep you posted if she has anything else mind-blowing to share!}

You will all remember my generally insensitive friends from college, namely the girl who told everyone else she was pregnant except me. Well, ever since April, I have emailed with several of them, but I am through doing the group emails- there are a few of them (I think you can tell who) that clearly do not care about maintaining our friendship. But it turns out that girl #5's dad has been diagnosed with cancer (she was a surprise baby, so her parents are in their 70's), as she shared with us in a blanket email, because apparently she doesn't think that her behavior has affected anyone's desire to give her support.

Seems like the shoe is on the other foot, girl #5.

Do I have any experience with cancer? Do I know the exact right things to say? Do I know what it's like to hear that my DAD has CANCER?


Given the events over the last year with her, I completely do not feel like emailing her back. I do not feel close to her, or her friend, or that she cares about me, or that if my dad had cancer that she would give two bleeps.

But what good am I if I return the behavior that caused me so much pain, even if I don't consider her to be my friend anymore?

Having grown up with a very manipulative mother, I am always worried that if I act as the better person, forgiving and forgetting, that people who seem to care only about themselves will never get the picture if people are always nice to them despite their behavior. There is still a part of me that wants to stick it to them and force the consequences of their awful choices in their face. How else are they going to learn?

But it is not up to me to change their heart. That is up to God. In the prayer that Jesus gave us, he encourages us to ask forgiveness from our Father, AS WE FORGIVE OTHERS (Luke 11:2-4). We must forgive others as we want to be forgiven when we make mistakes.

I'm going to email her back. I don't have any delusions that I'm going to get any response from her, and it doesn't change how I feel like we are not really friends anymore. But it's the right thing to do, and that's what I'm choosing today :)


TeeJay said...

I'm with you...I wish I could be more "mean" when I feel people deserve it, but I usually let them off the hook. Good for you for being the better (more forgiving) person today.

Bridget said...

you are a good friend and she is lucky to have your support after the way she treated you!

Baby Hopes said...

I hope you didn't think I was judging your response in any way. That's certainly not what I intended to convey! I do think you're choosing the higher ground here and she's fortunate to have you as a friend. Cancer is a horrible disease and a horrible experience to endure, particularly when it's someone so close.

Praying for Hope said...

Maybe she'll develop a better understanding of sensitivity with your response and the responses of others. One can hope.

Coco said...

You are such a good person! And I hope you don't think I was judging how you reacted to bourbon girl. She's a crazy crazy, and what else are you going to do?.....
I think it's great that you are a good enough person to email her back, and as someone who just lost their father to cancer (Father's day was exactly 5 months), I can assure you that no one knows what to say, because there is no right thing to say. .... But since I am your friend, not hers, I am more worried about you. It's good to send that email, but don't get involved with her again. Christ said to forgive, not to line up for abuse. I think that you can forgive the un-forgiveable... but you don't need to go on picnics with them until they have truly changed. Just my 2 cents.

the misfit said...

I think offering words of sympathy and your prayers for her father's health just demonstrates that you were Raised Right. It really has nothing to do with her and doesn't require a response, right? You can continue tripping merrily along the high road and ignore her.

P.S. Your word verification is "redopt." Not sure what the significance of that is, but I thought it was interesting.