Invisible God?

As we embark on cl.omid cycle #2, I decided to put down my fiction reading and pick up one of my all-time favorite spiritual inspiration books Reaching for the Invisible God by Philip Yancey. If you haven't ever read it and you're feeling like God is a little out of touch right now, I highly recommend it. It provided me with great comfort during a past tough time, and I pray it will provide me with a ttc-related comfort this time around.

As I've written before, I have a hard time hearing God. Most of the time, I feel like it's a one-sided conversation, but I do try to be as conversational as possible, because my image of God is definitely a compassionate father figure who mostly just wants to hang out with his little girl. I also enjoy trying to just be still in His presence, without talking. I have heard that it's during these times when you're not babbling on with prayer that He can get a word in edgewise. As much as I want His edgewise words, I never trust what I "get" during these silent times. I will be sitting there, picturing myself as a sponge, ready to soak up whatever He has for me. It is a constant battle, but I do my best to clear my mind completely of thoughts. But then, a thought rambles in- oh, you know, something about positive pregnancy tests and a baby- and I think any other person would say, Oh, that is totally God speaking to me! But of course, here I am, and I know I have "heard" that before, and it has never been true. Who put that thought in my head? I promise I wasn't trying to put words in God's mouth! Some would say the Holy Spirit, but I can't believe He would cry wolf about this kind of thing (or at all, I guess).

But then I think, maybe it is really a problem if I never believe what I "hear" during the silent times with God.

These things are why I'm so much looking forward to re-reading this book. Here are two excerpts that struck me last night as I begun.

(The first one is an excerpt of a open letter Yancey wrote to God during a retreat he took.)
"Funny, I find it easier to believe in the impossible- to believe in the parting of the Red Sea, to believe in Easter- than to believe in what should seem more possible: the slow, steady dawning of Your life in people like me... Help me to believe in the possible, God."

(This one is in a chapter that talks about approaching God. Even though He wants us to run to Him with all things, sometimes finding Him and His peace take some diligence and patience on our part.)
"If you find God with great ease, suggested Thomas Merton, perhaps it is not God that you have found."

I pray that we will all continue seeking HIM, even when we feel like He's invisible. He never takes His eyes off of us, even when our eyes fail us!