Friday, July 31, 2009

When us kids were little, we used to go to the same forest every year for a huge extended family vacation. I have alot of really fun memories from there, and one of the best is going down to the river after dinner to skip rocks with my uncles (let's be serious- as an 8 year old, I could not skip rocks like my uncle- I just threw them!). Because it took me a while to get the concept that you wanted flat round rocks, I brought my uncle huge heavy unwieldy rocks for him to skip. Ha. He would gently say he "already had a rock" (convenient!), and that I could throw the one I found. So over to the edge I went and heaved with all my might. Kerplunk. The perfect lob and the telltale sound that a huge rock makes as it plunges to the bottom.

Kind of like what my temp did today.

Ha! I honestly don't know how I temped for a year straight. This is killer! 98.16 after being at 98.4ish for the last 4 days. Ugh.

I kind of thought it was coming. I had a mild headache last night but was definitely not bloated anymore. I usually get a worse headache at the end of the 2ww, so I was not counting myself out because of that, but I definitely did not feel like an inflated balloon anymore. This morning I feel pretty much like normal. The funny thing to me is that it feels so wonderful to not be so bloated, that I am loving feeling normal and not really even grieving (yet?) that I think this cycle is on its way out.

My RE only does 3 cycles of clomid before trying something else (e.g., injectibles and/or IUI), and it occurred to me this morning on my walk with Banana that I need to prepare myself for this situation. How do you prepare yourself for something to fail, when you are hoping and praying and begging for it to work perfectly? I think this is going to take alot of contemplation. I thought for sure that I'd be in the 45%-success-rate-after-3-months-of-clomid group. Is third time really a charm?

I'm sure that this will be on my mind alot in the days ahead. I'm not sure if I'll make myself finish what I started, as far as temping this cycle goes, but if it's anything like my charts from last year, I'll get a small increase tomorrow, and then another small decrease, and then another kerplunk on Monday.

I'll try to remember how much fun I used to have seeing things plunge into the depths!!!


prayerfuljourney said...

I know how you feel about taking that AM temp...ugh! I quit doing that too for it was a painful reminder of what was NOT happening. I do have to temp every once in a while to check to see if my thyroid is okay...if my temps are too low...that's a prob. I'll keep praying for you!

Praying for Hope said...

You've put your finger exactly on the reason why I don't temp any more. I hated to see the final drop. It was even worse when my temp would drop only slightly. I'd think I was still in the game and AF would come that day anyway. Heart rending.

Hillary said...

Oh no!! I was so hoping to read something different -- not that you had a temp drop :( ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, so sorry friend.

I sit in the same predicament with you (hoping for something but also preparing for the worst is tricky). I have decided to error on the side of hope. Why? Because hope is the by-product of faith and the Lord asks us to pray and have faith. I don't want him to return to the earth and not find faith in my heart. So I continue to hope for the best and also pray for him to bestow grace upon me so that I can accept His will for our family. I will be praying for you today.

You can do all things through him.

the misfit said...

Oh, I know just that feeling :(. And I find myself trying somehow to rationalize a temperature that has quite obviously dropped all the way back to pre-ovulatory. I woke up fifteen minutes early! Surely that's it!

And it's always hard to reach the end of an era without the desired result. I'm grateful I'm spared that this time - I expect nothing from the tamoxifen other than a prelude to surgery. But on the other hand, of course, I'm going to have to have surgery, which is less pleasant.

I'm trying to remember whether you already have a diagnosis (i.e. why you're infertile). Is there some treatment step that addresses that directly that you could work on?

I don't know whether you're interested in doing IUI, but if you're looking for more moderate options first, you could always switch to the practice at Tepeyac...there are a lot of bloggers who are already patients there! I know it would be pretty far though.

Anyway, here's hoping that your lower temp really IS a fluke!