I wish CVS had pharmacy delivery services.
No, apparently the drive through is not enough for my laziness today! I think the problem is that I ran out of my refills, so I can't just call in a refill. I guess I could call it in as a new prescription? Do they let you do that? I am so inexperienced!
But, I'd like delivery, please :)
And speaking of pickup, my BIL, let's call him K, is having serious girl issues. Or more correctly, serious lack of girl issues. Unlike my sisters and I, who would have already had multiple hour-long phone conversations with each other to get to the bottom of the relationship mishaps, Mr. A and his other brother maintain a (manly? macho?) "It's none of my business- I'm sure he'll figure it out" attitude. As a sister, I can't handle that.
So, I feel the need to help K out here. And apparently I am not as persuasive as I think I am. Or maybe K is just more stubborn (less confident?) than I knew.
K is very, and I mean very, serious. To the point that I'm pretty sure he must think I am 100% ditz because I talk about things like new dog collars and what to wear for Easter and what my dream car is and what turkey salad recipe is the best. He sees absolutely no point in small talk. If he doesn't have anything earth-shattering or mind-bending to say, he will just stand/sit there...in complete silence. (When I suggested that he could start out the conversation with asking about someone else's interests, he goes "I can't exactly go up to someone and say 'Have you heard about the latest cryptozoology finding?!', can I?" Um, well, no, I wouldn't really throw that out there right away to any random person you meet.....) I should also mention that he went to a military-type college (but is not in the military), so in combination with sitting in silence, he sits or stands in public at pretty close to military attention- very rigid and tense.
As you may imagine, this does not create the most relaxed or inviting impression for ladies who might otherwise be attracted to his good job or the sensitivity buried deep down or the persistence to do whatever it is that he's doing right. Because of his reserved and blank posture, girls can't figure out if he is nervous or having a bad time or just really stiff. I've never been on a date with him, but I imagine I would be trying to get him to loosen up the whole entire time.
I pleaded with Mr. A to talk to K about how he became such a charmer (haha), but Mr. A will not talk to him because he thinks it'll make K feel like an idiot. (And maybe that is a valid concern..) Instead, he got out a legal pad and wrote 2.5 pages of "Small Talk Training" (honestly, he wrote that at the top! So cute!) for me to relay to K. Okay, I guess I will accept the written outline as an attempt at helping his brother out here.
One of Mr. A's most adamant suggestions is that K should take a class at a local college. Not like it has to be the hardest class, but just something to get K into a regular classroom (remember, he went to a military college...not like normal college) where if you get there early, you chat with the other people...you work in groups and talk that way, etc etc etc. I think it is a great suggestion, and I was looking forward to relaying it to K. Here is how the conversation went:
Me: I was thinking about it, and maybe you should sign up for a class! School creates a really social atmosphere, with the talking before/after class and projects and stuff. It might help you become more comfortable with talking to random people!
K: A, I must be the only person who goes to a place for that specific purpose. I go to the gym to work out, not to make new running partners. I go to school to learn, not to talk the whole time. I go to work to work, not waste away my day in the hall.
Um. Crap.
K is resistant to all of a sudden become this outgoing talkative guy because he feels like he shouldn't have to change who he is to date someone. Which I totally agree with. (I'm not even sure he could become an outgoing talkative guy, if he wanted to, honestly.) But I tried to package my suggestions so they would be more like just polishing who he is so that other people could see, too. I don't think he is convinced. He told me at the end that he's just going to not worry about it and do whatever feels natural to him.
Have you ever had a friend/relative in this situation? Was the only option e-har.mony? Haha...
6 comments:
It sounds like a dating service might be the right step for him. Or blind dates? If anyone knows someone who would be willing...
Gosh...I can't say I have any suggestions for your BIL. Does he belong to any particular church? SOmetimes different churches (even Catholic) offer get togethers for young adults. I joined one and that is how I met my dh...well actually I met him at a young adult retreat...that I found out about through the young adult group. Some of the guys in that group were very quiet but they did go out with everyone and seemed to enjoy themselves too. Just a thought.
That is a tricky situation. I honestly think e-harmony could be a helpful tool. My FIL thinks it's a fabulous invention and if he were single and our age he would use it :) I've had a number of friends who have had positive experiences with it... (sorry that sounds like such a sales pitch!). I guess it just doesn't seem like anything you and your DH can help with, as much as you might want to :(
I can honestly say I've never encountered a case like this one (most of my problem people are either way to shy or have massive hangups that cause them to drive away anyone who shows an actual interest). Maybe a completely rational approach would work with him? I.e., yes, his many fine qualities make him suitable for a spouse, but the current evolution of human mating and courtship rituals, for biological reasons among others, requires men and women to determine the suitability of prospective partners by gaining information through successive interactions, beginning with the very superficial and proceding gradually to the very intimate. Statistically speaking, one must maximize the number and effectiveness of the first superficial interactions with different prospective mates in order to achieve an optimal likelihood of eventually attaining the most intimate level of interaction (I'm thinking marriage here, not sex, but whatever). If he likes soccer and decides to play baseball, learning the rules is not changing his personality. It's playing the game he's in. Dating is no different. If you refuse to learn, you can congratulate yourself that you're a soccer purist, but you don't get to play baseball.
That's "too" and "proceeding." Stupid mini keyboard.
First, that's the way brothers are. My DH would never talk to his brother about stuff like that. They're so happy to see each other once a year, and then I swear, they just sit and stare at each other, or watch tv. WTH?
Second, YES!!! I had a very dear friend, J, who was just like this, maybe worse. A great guy and funny once you got to know him. He would talk to me about it, but would kind of shoot down everything I suggested. He would, however, go places if DH & I where there, but nothing ever came of it. He ended up doing the computer dating and after several failed dates (I mean M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E dates), he did meet the girl he eventually married. I don't think it's a bad thing at all and really the avenue for people who are in careers, out of school, not into Church or bars, etc.
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