Tuesday, May 26, 2009

That is how I feel. Earlier today, I was thinking about how, just a while ago I felt like I had no direction in our/my journey to parenthood, literally, spinning like a top, everything zooming by. And dare I say it, I honestly feel like it is not going to be long now before we will be blessed with new life. I try and try not to get my hopes up, but it is something I can't shake. I guess that is a good thing, right?

And as much as I feel excited anticipation of what the next few months will hold, I feel remarkably calm and at peace right now. I sort of feel like God is allowing me this respite from the day-to-day turmoil of trying to conceive (especially during the last two weeks of every cycle!) before whatever big thing is coming next. I hesitate to describe it as the "calm before the storm", because mostly I think storm has a negative connotation, and of course as a human, I'd rather not think that right now is peachy keen because in a month there will be some catastrophe. But of course, who am I to know what is coming next, and even if it is something big that God is preparing me for, there is by no means any heavenly guarantee that it some a good something big (judging from Sew's time with Cl.omid this cycle , my first cycle on Cl.omid is scaring me a little!) But let's hope it's a good something big.

But I do feel as though I am being given these two weeks as a time of rest, rejuvenation, and relaxation. And I am so thankful for this time- I already feel refreshed, hoping to embrace with trust in Him whatever God has next for me.


Hillary said...

What a blessing -- I have had season's like that too and am always so thankful God gives me a reprieve when I need it. And, from what I read, some people don't have any clomid side effects, so I hope you're one of them!!

Jeremiah 29:11 said...

What a great attitude! I pray that I will have the same. :)

Sew said...

Sorry to scare you! ;) It probably isn't as bad I as write it to be. I mean it is bad, but not after it's over. :) Make sense? I shouldn't write when I feel hostile! ;)

When you wrote this post were you ovulating? I think ovulation does so amazing things for us.

If you think about it our little golenden egg of life is just waiting to be conceived! That has to affect us in a calming peaceful way. :) I feel great around ovulation. :)