Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I am back!

Mr. A is 100% sure that caring for Banana is our practice round before the baby gets here. He teases me about how I worry about her when we board her (not that often in general, but, unfortunately, several times in the next couple months), even though she is super social and probably loves playing with the other dogs when she is there. He shakes his head when I worry that there is some terrible reason if she only pooped in the morning, instead of morning and evening like normal. He sighs when I fret if she is not in the mood to eat her breakfast (and then when I gawk at how he successfully gets her to eat by burying half a treat in her full bowl!). And most recently, he chuckles at my hand-wringing that I think she has something stuck in her throat (even though she eats normally, drinks normally, breathes normally, plays normally, and chews normally, sleeps normally.....). (Just wanted to note that these things haven't been happening all together or all recently- just a cross section of random things that have happened since we adopted her..) He loves her just as much as I do, but I can definitely see myself being one of the new moms who is hyper-sensitive about everything...haha! (Of course, it is good to pay close attention to symptoms and gut-instincts, but some things don't warrant freakouts!!)

I am glad for the practice, but I respectfully request that my file be reviewed because I think I have had enough practice!!! I hereby apply for the real I need to submit a personal essay?

Speaking of applying for (and getting) the real thing, I counseled my first real patient yesterday at the pregnancy center. (The center brings in role-play patients for new volunteers to practice on before we get to counsel real patients.) She has two teens, and her husband and her got pregnant unexpectedly last year but miscarried. They decided they wanted to try for another baby again, and she was at our center yesterday for a test. We didn't have the results before I started the session, so her and I talked about the support systems she has in place and how her family has reacted (positively) to her trying again. She was so hopeful, but the nurse delivered the news: her test was negative. I was so heartbroken for her. I gave her some resources about mourning and grieving in case she was having any residual feelings from the miscarriage, but I added that I understood from personal experience that there is a mourning of the hope that happens with every negative test and every cycle that passes, and our eyes locked and she nodded and said "oh, definitely". Wow. God is so cool. I was telling my co-volunteer about the session later, and we were commenting about how neat it was that God allowed me to be this woman's counselor. I have been praying for her by name ever since I left my shift yesterday!!

Perhaps God has allowed me to practice facing new cycles and negative tests with grace and trust so that I could help one woman face her negative test. If that has been His plan, I am honored; if I gave her even the smallest big of encouragement or hope or feeling of solidarity in her disappointment, I almost feel like all my sufferings have been worth it. I know the feeling that accompanied her heart as her face fell at the news, but I was able to sit with her afterwards and (I hope) comfort her and remind her of God's faithfulness.

I'm pretty sure everything is practice for something, and unluckily for me, most of my practice seems to be preparation for pop quizzes! SO I better be diligent in my practice, no matter how mundane or repetitive or undesirable- God's pop quizzes count for alot of the final grade!!


Praying for Hope said...

Worrying about our little ones - pets or kids - is par for the course. I'm constantly worrying about my girls, Sadie and Muggles, constantly. So is DH. Come the day that we finally have an actual child of our own, we're going to be in trouble.

Hillary said...

Wow, I LOVE that you are counseling at the pregnancy center...and what a wonderful experience you had! I love that God has used your IF to bless this woman through love and empathy.