Asking for Directions

Thursday, May 07, 2009

I am 10dpo, and I think it's the toughest point in my cycle. I certainly don't feel like I'm pregnant...no gagging at the thought of food, no red alert button on my stomach to light up when implantation happens (wouldn't that be great...haha), no nothing, except that I've been tired in the evenings, but that happens every cycle, so that is not exactly anything to write home about.

I am fighting worry and sadness about CD1 on Mother's Day.

Last night I prayed and prayed that God would give us some kind of direction. I mean, even if it means getting a phone call from my doctor: "I'm sorry, A, but somehow we missed the fact that you don't have a uterus and so there is literally no way you can ever get pregnant!"

Now there, that would be some direction!!!

I had prayed in January that if we were meant to adopt that God would provide some kind of financial boost in our tax refund (several things have changed in the last year that caused us to not be sure of what our refund would be), but since we got peanuts, I took that to mean that perhaps we would not be called to adopt. (There I go, (mis?)interpreting God's messages to me again?!)

I am just begging for some kind of road map!

I think these lyrics by Third Day (song: Revelation, album: Revelation) capture exactly how I'm feeling today!

My life,
Has led me down the road that's so uncertain
And now I am left alone and I am broken,
Trying to find my way,
Trying to find the faith that's gone
This time,
I know that you are holding all the answers
I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances,
On roads that never seem,
To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You

My life,
Has led me down this path that's ever winding
Through every twist and turn I'm always finding,
That I am lost again (I am lost again)
Tell me when this road will ever end

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without...

I don't know where I can turn
Tell me when will I learn
Won't You show me where I need to go
Oh oh
Let me follow Your lead,
I know that it's the only way that I can get back home

Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You

Oh, give me a revelation...

I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You

6 comments:

Praying for Hope said...

Those lyrics say it all. I couldn't have put it better.

Jeremiah 29:11 said...

So true! I think we can all identify with your post. I LOVE that Third Day song. Everytime it comes on the radio it really does sooth my soul. :)

Grace in my Heart said...

What a great song! I never heard it before, but I love the lyrics...will have to look it up. I hope you will receive some sort of "sign" about what you're supposed to do next! :)

the misfit said...

That does capture it, doesn't it? I, too, have wished for the you-have-no-uterus phone call, so at least it would be OVER, and I could move on and pursue something else. But I'm still meandering aimlessly (although someone sneaky has removed a lot of - not all of - my hostility toward adoption while I wasn't paying attention). At almost four years of ttc, I'm starting to have the suspicion that what God wants me to do next is just develop a better attitude about being infertile. I'M TRYING. Well, sometimes. Not very hard...

Hillary said...

cd 10 is the toughest for me too. (((hugs))) and I pray that God will guide you (and me)!!

Stacey said...

Oh yes, I have many times wished for just an answer, even if it is the dreaded NO! Surely knowing would be so much easier? Other times I'm not so sure. It's hard to try to be content with an answer of "not yet."