Friday, June 12, 2009

It is a beautiful morning here!

Today will be a busy day, but I think I am up to the challenge. Most tasks are in preparation for our friends who are visiting with their 8-month old daughter tomorrow through Sunday. I usually mop the floors on Monday, but I waited until today so they will be just-cleaned in case the baby goes crawling around. Hey wait a minute, do 8-month old's crawl?

2 pills down, 3 to go! Still so far, so good. I have had a tiny tiny headache off and on, but nothing that I even remotely needed ad.vil, etc. for. For anyone who has taken mu.cinex, do I take 2 pills twice a day, or 1 pill twice a day? I keep forgetting to start taking that stuff! I am still feeling very positive about this treatment, and I'm going to hold on to that feeling as long as possible!

Even though I have great hopes for how God is going to use cl.omid, the other day, I was thinking about how my "future events" perspective at this point in time is different from when we first started trying. In the past, whenever a future event is mentioned, the first thing that would pop into my mind is "what if I'm pregnant by then?". For example, my aunt and uncle need me to play mom for their younger kids while they attend their first parents' weekend at my older cousin's college in the fall. I immediately accepted without really any neuron worrying about what it'd be like to play mom while pregnant. The possibility of us expecting our first baby is kind of an afterthought now. It definitely is a thought that comes running to be heard, but it doesn't win the race anymore. I was tempted to be bummed about this, but I think it is sort of a healthy coping mechanism, and also I think it's a signal that I've let go of the obsession a little bit- that I've determined to live my life to the fullest no matter what. I don't need to worry about whether we'll bring our 2-month old baby to the beach with us next summer- if he (we've always wanted a boy first) is with us, that will be awesome, and if he isn't just yet, I imagine we will still be praying for him in between catching some waves. It makes me feel calm that my first reaction to the future is not frantic ancitipation, but a happy expectation instead!


Hillary said...

You're doing great -- almost past the half way point! Yay! :)

the misfit said...

Very interested to hear your overall impression of the clomid.

I think ceasing to measure all events in terms of gestational age is acceptance - you're starting to get used to the idea, not that you're barred and won't ever have kids (I don't think acceptance of that sneaks up on you - I think you have to fight for it), but that you're infertile - that it could be a while. I think it's a blessing if your brain works out some patience for you while you're not looking, because with infertility and patience, it's always better to have and not need, than to need and not have...listen to me, philosophical, like I'm doing this IF thing well. I'm a basket case. But I think you're just where you need to be - enjoying your life!

Becky said...

You sound like you are in a very good place. I like what you said about living life to the fullest. You are in my prayers.